[purplemystery]

Recently I have thought that my T was giving up on me, but it turns out that I had a misunderstanding. She was frustrated with me, but does not feel as though our work has brought me nowhere, like I previously thought. When she said she was frustrated with me, I had a greater desire to work harder in therapy and try to become more comfortable (usually I don't make eye contact with her once and lean down so she can't even see my face).

My T said that she has very strict boundaries, so she realizes that she has been equally responsible for our rough patch lately. She suggested a number of things that we could do to change things up: e-mails, sitting differently/in different spots, coloring (because she read a book where a T/client did this), making a video about therapy, writing in session, and developing a playlist. My T said that she will not tell me what to do though, and she won't give me specific ideas; she says I have to take control of my own therapy.

Does anyone have any ideas for something that I could do to mix things up a bit and get me unstuck/out of my routine? Something that would maybe increase my feelings of comfort around her? It can be absolutely anything, from something as simple as a unique topic that you discuss and as complex as a game or a project. In what ways have you made your therapy unique? I am really interested to hear! So far, I'm considering asking if she could not look at me at the beginning of the session so that I can take a moment to get comfortable and look around the room without pressure (I never look around the room).

In particular, I also wonder how anyone has come to sit differently or in a different place? Right now my T and I directly face each other, which makes it intimidating. Did you feel weird about asking your T if you could sit somewhere else? What is acceptable, and what crosses boundaries in this situation?

[MoxieDoxie]

How about goals....what are your therapy goals? I don't understand exactly what your T is frustrated about. What do you need to work harder at?

I need routine and do not like changing spots. Asking T to sit on their lap would be crossing boundries I can safely say.

[junkDNA]

i used to color while T talked to me . sometimes we play rummy and talk. sometimes i work on collages about stuff we are talking about and process it. we go for walks and go to the swings too. T lets me do anything. i think u just need to use ur imagination with this. try new things and see what helps. dont be rigid and tense and scared. this is a way to open up on different levels. if u want to color, or write, draw, collage, play a game, go for a walk, anything, im sure shed let u do it. i found it helpful to make the conversation easier when i had something else to focus on instead of analyzing everything into a negative spiral thought. i could shift my focus when i got too uncomfortable. it was a way of acceptable checking out

[unaluna]

I couldn't even look at the stuff on my t's bookshelves, and that was like half the room, and I love books! But it seemed very intrusive. So eventually I told him I felt that way, and then I started looking at stuff and asking him about different things.

[Jacki~]

Might you arrive early? Sit outside the session room. Take out a notebook or the back of an old white envelope and write down whatzzzzzzzz on your mind. More time? Draw or doodle. Try not to be perfect.

Might you draw the most beautiful letter, the first letter or initial of your 1st name. Lengthen the loop or thicken the line. FYI: There is an art form around called Zentangle. Google and review the images listed. See those dark black lines and intriguing white spaces?

On another note: Imagine, as if you were taking someone ELSE to talk to the T. What would you offer them? How you would nurture someone else? Now transfer that caring to yourself. You are important. I have to ask, are you satisfied with your T? I was wondering why T. has you doing the research.

Originally Posted by purplemystery

...She suggested a number of things that we could do to change things ue p: e-mails, sitting differently/in different spots, coloring (because she read a book where a T/client did this), making a video about therapy, writing in session, and developing a playlist. My T said that she will not tell me what to do though, and she won't give me specific ideas; she says I have to take control of my own therapy....

Sounds to me like you have a great T. She offered a bunch of suggestions for you to consider to spice things up in your therapy. Personally, I would go with her email suggestion. I like the idea of emailing thoughts or problems I have between sessions and then addressing them at our next meeting. Not expecting anything in between sessions from T but using email as a means of unloading your feelings during the week so that you can come back to it later. That would be my preference but what ideas, if any, did she suggest that interest YOU? Do you like drawing? Do you like role-play? Your T sounds like she really cares about helping you and is willing to "think outside of the box" for you. That sounds wonderful to me!

[Victoria'smom]

I will not email my therapist as e-mails go into files. My T has 3 chairs I move between the three pretty often depending on mood and how 'scared' of the impending conversation. I write and hand it in to my T's mailbox between sessions.

[Favorite Jeans]

Maybe sitting facing each other is too intense for you. You know how parents and kids (esp teenagers) sometimes have their best talks in the car when they're not facing each other and there's another task to do simultaneously. Can you have a walking session where you talk and walk? Can you spend a session talking about less intense stuff and practice looking at her while you talk? Maybe talk about a movie or TV show or book that you both know and see if you can feel comfortable just being with her.
There's another thread I saw yesterday about questions to stimulate conversation with T. If you haven't already, you should check it out. Maybe that's something you could try.

[Perna]

I used my imagination to imagine sitting differently I imagined T as a friend, sitting next to me on a bench and the two of us looking forward and conversing. I hadn't realized that the "across" thing was bothering me, like teacher/student. So, anytime I got scared from then on, I'd picture us sitting together like friends and she didn't seem so scary.

I did not look around much either (and it wasn't my T's office, she borrowed it from another T) until one day I was walking out and saw these three delightful elephant statues by the door. I wrote a poem about the experience and gave it to T the next week and we discussed it, etc. Maybe you could have T create a sort of scavenger hunt game where she names 3-5 things you then have to find in the room (books with a particular name, etc.).

[purplemystery]

MoxieDoxie: My T was frustrated because I was pretty silent in our session and embarrassed after opening up to her about something. I think we both realized that therapy has been stagnant, and I'd like to try something different and out of the routine to help me feel more comfortable around her.

junkDNA, hankster, Miguel'smom: Thank you so much for the suggestions and for sharing your experiences! It helps for me to see what others have done before.

Jacki~:Thanks Jacki! I think my T isn't doing the research because she thinks it will help me feel in control if I figure out for myself how I can feel more comfortable around people. Then maybe I can transfer that initiative to real life. I think it makes sense, though I do feel a little embarrassed about making my own suggestions instead of doing what she thinks will help. I'm just using PC for inspiration.

Sadendings: Thanks Sadendings, I think you're right that my T seems to really want to help me turn things around. I honestly think I would feel embarrassed to try anything like role-playing or even drawing, but at the same time I think I should push myself and I want to be open to new ideas. So I am very interested in hearing how others came to do that sort of thing. The thing that interests me most is perhaps making something to show my T, or sitting differently somehow. I think the sitting thing is crucial, just because at the moment it feels like nothing will get me to look up at her.

Favorite Jeans: Those are great ideas. My T wouldn't agree to walk anywhere, but I think talking about less intense things is a good suggestion. Maybe I'll try that!

Perna: Thanks for sharing your experience. I similarly don't even know what everything in her office looks like- we just moved to a new room this year. The scavenger hunt is an interesting idea.

I recently started art therapy, so we're often doing projects while we talk. Or we both work on something, then talk about it towards the end of session. She also encourages me to create things at home and bring them in. This has helped me immensely. It is a great distraction for me at home, helps to get out my energy in a positive way, and makes sharing things verbally with T much easier. Recently I've been creating collages and bringing them in. One was made with magazine photos and words trying to express my feelings about sleep/trying to sleep, etc. Last week, I printed a ton of pictures from my computer and created a simple collage with them. I have never talked to a T (or anyone) so much in my entire life. I was so surprised at the things that were coming out of my mouth, but it felt so good to finally share. We just looked over my project together and I explained to her who all the people were. She was super attentive and seemed interested. I ended up talking about relationships with my family, childhood issues, everything. It was probably one of the best sessions I've ever had. So maybe try bringing in some photos and see what happens?

I haven't done this recently, but maybe playing a simple game with T and start off talking about everyday stuff, like weather, books, movies. Something like connect-4 or a card game.

It is interesting to see what others do, I may start incorporating some into my therapy. Great post!

[granite1]

I have colored ,played games. played with magnetic words, t has read to me ,sat on the floor with me, played with stuffed animals and now the new thing is to cover myself with a blanket. I have a very hard time talking and these are things we have done to help me feel safe and comfortable

[growlycat]

I like the idea of collaging with a T---For example, Both you and T come prepared with words and images already clipped out. Taking a small board between you, one half is yours, the other for T. On your half, you can express how you are feeling about therapy, on T's half, maybe how she sees your therapy/how she wants to help you. The two of you "meet in the middle" of the board. This just came to mind as you mentioned collaging. I guess it depends how much T is willing to self disclose.

[growlycat]

There are also those write-on stuffed animals you can express your thoughts on and your T can respond. That way you have a physical reminder after your appt of how T cares.