[PeeJay]

What do therapists do when their clients present political views that they disagree with?

Have your views differed with your therapist's? How did you handle it?

Here are some hypotheticals for thought:

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A Christian therapist is very pro-life and in her private life, attends anti-abortion rallies. Her heart breaks when she thinks about abortions and she thinks they should be illegal. She has comforted many women who regret their abortions, which supports her private view.

A client comes in and after the relationship is established, the client reveals that she is on the local board of Planned Parenthood. The client expresses excitement that this upcoming weekend, she's going to a ribbon cutting at the town's new clinic.

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A therapist is very pro-choice and anonymously donates to Planned Parenthood. She believes that abortion laws are an affront to women's rights.

A client presents and talks about her passion in planning for a local group of people to travel to an upcoming pro-life march in Washington, D.C.

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A therapist is afraid of and hates guns. He is so passionate that he attended a local gun control rally once, and he posts articles to Facebook to encourage his friends to see the evils of firearms. He secretly thinks NRA members are a little cracked. It never really comes up in therapy as an issue for anyone and he keeps these views a secret to his therapy clients, of course. Some of his clients own guns, but they have a connection to the military and he excuses them in his head.

One day, a client casually mentions that he is a lifetime NRA member and grew up in a hunting family. The client expresses anger about the stance of the gun control crowd.

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A therapist voted for Obama.

A client is angry at a family member and says, "Well what can you expect from a stupid Obama voter."

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A therapist holds generally conservative views and voted for Mitt Romney in the last election.

A client comes in and talks about how her dad doesn't listen to reason. She talks about how her dad listens to Rush Limbaugh and votes Republican as evidence that his views on reality are distorted.

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What do therapists do in these situations? What do clients do? If you are a client and you know that your therapist disagrees with you, can you really trust that your therapist cares about helping you?

Can a therapist truly "like" someone with whom they disagree politically? They must be secretly forming judgments about the client, right?

Am I focusing too much on one thing? I do come from a family of origin where one opinion out of line was enough to get you disowned.

And sorry for the readers not in the US. You can substitute the Tories and the like.

I haven't run into this problem. My T's and I have always been pretty much aligned religiously and politically, and we rarely get on either subject anyway.

Can you like someone with different views? I like many people who have extremely different views than mine, and unless they push those view on me (which rarely happens), their opinions don't particularly matter to me as the don't affect me one way or another. I would think therapists are pretty much the same as most people and don't decide to "like" a client based on such things.

[anilam]

I don't see a problem here- ppl do have different opinions on stuff. It's normal. Doesn't mean (1) you need to try and change their opinion to fit your own (2) you can't get along with them (3) they are bad ppl.

Yeah, we don't see eye to eye with my T on several topics and it's fine. We do agree on the few things that count.

[unaluna]

I guess I would be more worried that I was asking for help from someone who I thought had their head up their butt. I wouldn't worry if they liked me - how did I get mixed up with this person??

[Leah123]

Well, I guess I've found we all have our heads up our butts about one thing or another. No matter how enlightened I try and make myself, and how enlightened I try and convince myself I am.... I have blind spots, I'm not perfectly informed, and I have biases (which I do try to stamp out!). So.... as much as I'd like my therapist to see everything the way I do, I have to accept that we are both good enough to be in a therapeutic relationship, and that where we differ, we can respectfully do it. With that said, I couldn't see someone who disagreed with me on all the important issues. It's just like any other relationship: I have to weigh the severity and number of differences. As a bisexual, athiest, vegetarian, pro-lifer, etc. etc., though, I find I can work well with a lot of people despite serious differences, it's more about them being thoughtful about their positions, and I wonder, if you're kind of thinking of someone who maybe isn't just opposed to something politically, but who is not thoughtful about it? I find it a lot easier to work with and tolerate folks who don't seem blindly biased or fervently oppositional, but who are also thoughtful, tolerant, and open-minded. We may believe opposite things, but we are comfortable enough to hold our own and not need to impose (too much, haha) on each other.

"What do therapists do in these situations? What do clients do? If you are a client and you know that your therapist disagrees with you, can you really trust that your therapist cares about helping you?"

My therapist doesn't bring up controversial opinions, though when we're in agreement, she'll share that with me sometimes. We do differ on key viewpoints, but I am 110% positive she deeply cares for me, and she truly understands and practices being non-judgemental.

"Can a therapist truly "like" someone with whom they disagree politically? They must be secretly forming judgments about the client, right?"

I think she definitely likes me though we differ on key topics, as an example, I think eating meat is murder, and her favorite comfort food is pot roast. I think it's an important issue, not eating meat, not killing animals for our own appetites, but I like her very very much and I do believe that she is fond of me, despite this and other differences.

[Syra]

I talked about this once with a T. I think I was about to say something with a political element, and didn't want to offend him. He was very cool. He says he listens to people talk with reference to opposing views he really doesn't like, and just listens to where they are. Therapy isn't a political issue - unless it's about abortion, or medications, or probably a few other things, in which case the T should be up front about her beliefs, and the client should research the T's political beliefs.

[IndestructibleGirl]

I wouldn't work with a therapist who brought religion into session as part of their framework or ethos, it'd make me extremely uncomfortable. If I knew they were super religious in their own time, that would put me off too, I'd feel they were judging me or regarding me as an unwitting sinner or something. Easier to get somebody else.

[critterlady]

I have no idea what my T's political views are and I'm happy that I don't. I know that he was raised in one religious faith, but that he and his wife are raising their children in a different faith, but he respects my lack of faith.

Neither politics nor religion are part of my therapy and when we discuss things that touch on my values, they're just that. My values. His values don't come into it. He's quite capable of being my therapist without judging my values.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by PeeJay

A therapist is afraid of and hates guns. He is so passionate that he attended a local gun control rally once, and he posts articles to Facebook to encourage his friends to see the evils of firearms. He secretly thinks NRA members are a little cracked. It never really comes up in therapy as an issue for anyone and he keeps these views a secret to his therapy clients, of course. Some of his clients own guns, but they have a connection to the military and he excuses them in his head.

One day, a client casually mentions that he is a lifetime NRA member and grew up in a hunting family. The client expresses anger about the stance of the gun control crowd.

I'll take on this example!

I think therapists especially, and people in general if they want to be mature, will take a look at themselves to see what very strong emotions (afraid, hates, anger) mean. What is it about the other point of view that causes such a pronounced reaction? What can be learned about oneself in this process of examination?

[PeeJay]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

I'll take on this example!

I think therapists especially, and people in general if they want to be mature, will take a look at themselves to see what very strong emotions (afraid, hates, anger) mean. What is it about the other point of view that causes such a pronounced reaction? What can be learned about oneself in this process of examination?

Thanks - that's helpful.

I hope that therapists can be not childish about their views.

I just thought of another example, which is true:

The therapist is an environmentalist and has "liked" pro-environment pages on Facebok. The therapist keeps environmentalist books on his bookshelf, and books that lament that industry is raping the earth. The therapist thinks that these views have little to do with clients, it simply shows a love of the earth. Right?

Then, a blue collar client shows up. He makes his livelihood in the oil fields installing rig systems for shale fracking. He is a sub contractor for a world-renowned polluter.

...I'm going to add this example up top.

[RTerroni]

My former Therapist (who I saw for 4 years) and I were on complete opposite ends of the political spectrum but it didn't seem to affect therapy one bit, in fact I realized that she was on the opposite end long before she did.

[growlycat]

With main T, we are almost aligned politically, yet he is probably the one person I know that is more liberal than I am. Once he knew where I stood, he was very open about his own beliefs.

I think /cbt t, we must differ on religion possibly. I had an early bad experience with a religious group that bungled my health crisis. I was ranting a bit of the non medical non scientific nature of my treatment and I felt like CBT t steered me away from that part of the conversation.

Then again, one day he mentioned something he heard on NPR that he wanted to tell me. I felt like he was signifying to me his own stance, albeit subtly.

[feralkittymom]

I don't think the answer is dependent on any of the examples you've cited. I think this is your answer:
I do come from a family of origin where one opinion out of line was enough to get you disowned.

It isn't about the relative match of your views and your T's views; it's about a functional vs dysfunctional relationship. It's about trusting that a relationship can be respectful of each person's beliefs and values. Your family experience tells you that keeping a relationship depends upon making decisions of what to reveal or not reveal based upon what the other person believes. That's conditional acceptance. If your T is competent, then he/she holds you in positive, unconditional regard. Your task is to learn to trust and accept that and act accordingly.

[Victoria'smom]

My therapist and I are on completely opposite spectrum but it only came in to play once when she was trying to help me come up with social situations. I told her no I can't do that and moved on.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I don't think the answer is dependent on any of the examples you've cited. I think this is your answer:
I do come from a family of origin where one opinion out of line was enough to get you disowned.

It isn't about the relative match of your views and your T's views; it's about a functional vs dysfunctional relationship. It's about trusting that a relationship can be respectful of each person's beliefs and values. Your family experience tells you that keeping a relationship depends upon making decisions of what to reveal or not reveal based upon what the other person believes. That's conditional acceptance. If your T is competent, then he/she holds you in positive, unconditional regard. Your task is to learn to trust and accept that and act accordingly.

Totally agree. But also, what was difficult for me was realizing my life was in the hands of people with these ignorant attitudes, like superstitions and holding women in very low regard. Therapy needed to be a place to safely get angry about that. A therapist who held those beliefs - I don't think I could have worked with. There would have been something phony in the room. A person holding conflicting beliefs within himself, I can handle.

[Turtleboy]

i'm a strict atheist and my T is a nun lol
but it has no bearing on the therapy it self, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by hankster

Totally agree. But also, what was difficult for me was realizing my life was in the hands of people with these ignorant attitudes, like superstitions and holding women in very low regard. Therapy needed to be a place to safely get angry about that. A therapist who held those beliefs - I don't think I could have worked with. There would have been something phony in the room. A person holding conflicting beliefs within himself, I can handle.

I think there's probably a lot more wrong with a T who holds such a fundamental prejudice. It would be impossible for a T to have positive regard for a client in such a case, and I'm sure it would show itself. A T who is judgemental about anything isn't going to be very effective even if the client agrees with the judgements. That seems very different from a T who holds a reasonable--but different--opinion about something than a client.

I'm sure there are areas in which my T and I would not see eye-to-eye; he's far more conservative politically than I am, but we can agree to disagree. We don't respect each other any the less for it.

[PeeJay]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I don't think the answer is dependent on any of the examples you've cited. I think this is your answer:
I do come from a family of origin where one opinion out of line was enough to get you disowned.

It isn't about the relative match of your views and your T's views; it's about a functional vs dysfunctional relationship. It's about trusting that a relationship can be respectful of each person's beliefs and values. Your family experience tells you that keeping a relationship depends upon making decisions of what to reveal or not reveal based upon what the other person believes. That's conditional acceptance. If your T is competent, then he/she holds you in positive, unconditional regard. Your task is to learn to trust and accept that and act accordingly.

Thanks for this. This is so hard to do! I do selectively disclose facts about myself based on whether I think others will like them or not.

I confess that I think positive, unconditional regard feels a bit like trickery to me. Though, I suppose that's why therapy is limited to one hour -- because it must be exhausting for the therapist to sustain. Surely there are some clients who make it easier than others.

But you are so right, I act as though keeping relationships means constant monitoring and choosing what to reveal.

[unlockingsanity]

I don't know anyone who has the EXACT same opinions as me about everything. I still manage to make friends, so I'm not sure why a therapist wouldn't be able to manage differences in beliefs. It's their job!

[Perna]

Another thing seems to be all your examples are very extreme and our opinions are rarely that cut and dry or extreme. I am a Democrat and have worked as an election judge for my county but I don't "hate" or get angry at or think Republicans are all one thing or another, it is an individual interaction thing; we only talk to/interact with people one-on-one and who they are is much more than just a single opinion one way or another. Turtleboy's atheist/nun therapist example is a good one; that's not all there is to Turtleboy nor all there is to his therapist, their religious beliefs.

I think the goal of therapy is being happy with ourselves and I think T's want that for us. If we are happy being a person who steals candy from babies, T won't necessarily want to be our friend or associate with us but they will be happy we learned and are sure about what makes us happy. That's what they are trying for, not to change us but for us to understand ourselves and change ourselves if we want so we are more in line with our vision of ourselves (not their vision for us).

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Personally I think these types of topics don't belong in therapy unless the client is reflecting on and thinking about their views. The power of the therapist may inhibit the client from reflecting on their feelings about topics.

I left a therapist once because she kept talking about her political interests. Not that they were different than mine, but because it is not her space to talk about herself.

These topics can be incredibly powerful and lead to insight into our lives. Why we believe and feel the way we do, the influence of culture, the impact of religion and power, etc....

The only time I would differ from my opinion is when a T or pdoc specifically states "I am a Christian therapist" or something like that. Some people might be looking for a Christian therapist, etc. If they do not directly advertise as such, I am not sure the T's views belong in therapy.

[sunrise]

If my T was in my face about political views vastly different from my own, I would not like it. I think it is better for the T to be neutral on politics. With my T, we are similar politically but if I had gone in voicing different views from his, maybe he would not have let me know where he stands politically. An interesting question. I do feel he would not have been judgmental, though. It is possible to respect that we are not all the same.

I have clients in a different capacity and have quite a few who are different from me politically. It has not caused any problems between us. I do not judge them because of it. I do not reveal my views to them. I have some also who are quite religious (I am not part of organized religion) and I view this as a resource they have that can be a strength, and I try to utilize it in that way. I do not talk about my religious views with them and none has ever asked.

[reesecups]

Hi Leah.

I would hate to be in a world where everyone agrees with me. Someone told me yesterday when I told them 90% of my family had different political views than me that I should 'educate' them to what is the 'truth'. I told her they are attempting to educate me to what they believe is the truth. I don't think you have to completely agree on a lot of things. I can't think of a single soul who backs someone else's belief 100%. I don't care if my therp agrees with my political, religious or abortion views. I'm there to talk about my issues and I don't think either of us are there to convince each other of our agendas for that stuff.

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by PeeJay

Thanks for this. This is so hard to do! I do selectively disclose facts about myself based on whether I think others will like them or not.

I confess that I think positive, unconditional regard feels a bit like trickery to me. Though, I suppose that's why therapy is limited to one hour -- because it must be exhausting for the therapist to sustain. Surely there are some clients who make it easier than others.

But you are so right, I act as though keeping relationships means constant monitoring and choosing what to reveal.

I think to some extent, we all do this. We try to build commonality by revealing parts of ourselves that will fit with those in our company. Where it gets problematic is if we change our values in fundamental ways in order to feel accepted--that's denying ourselves our rightful identities. And if we do that, then what good to us are the relationships we've forged?

I don't think the T feeling unconditional positive regard is trickery, though if we haven't had the experience, we have no template for it, and it's difficult to trust it. But I do think it takes a certain effort of concentration and belief in the therapy process for a T to sustain it. Some may have an easier time due to their own characters, or the fit between them and their clients. And some are definitely awkward in execution and then it feels fake or patronizing. I don't think any attitude, positive or negative, that is deeply held can stay hidden for long in therapy.