should you tell therapist about transference????

I'm currently in therapy and experiencing unwanted feelings towards my therapist: anger, frustration, mistrust, that she doesn't take me seriously,that I need her to love me. It is kind of getting in the way of therapy. The question is should I tell her about this?

I have real issues relating to people which I'm trying to work on and I don't want to risk being rejected by my therapist yet I feel it's relevant as the whole reason I'm in therapy is because of my difficulty with any kind of relationship.

It's completely relevant to bring it up. Your T may already be aware of these feelings and is just waiting until you are comfortable to talk about it.

Actually, I just learned about transference on another thread. I was totally naive about the definition. I plan on asking my therp about it when I see her this week. I guess it's extremely common and can even be therapeutic, depending on the feelings. I think I'll be a little uncomfortable speaking to her about it no matter what. But my interest in knowing about my therps and whether this is something I have done has made me curious enough to ask.

I always tell me T about any feeling i have towards him- sometimes I struggle with telling him why I feel what I feel. Transference ones and the "real" ones. It's vital for me/therapy.
T should be able to "take" it and help you work them through.

Transference feelings are 'real feelings' - they are 'our' feelings so aren't necessarily how the other feels or thinks about us. They are about who we are and how we came to be. They are very important and need to be treated with great respect. Transference is how we relate to others in our world, so, in fact, all we feel will be rooted in transference - transference is feelings and feelings are transference, and some if the feelings feel good and others not so good, according to how good or bad our relationships have been, especially early on in the most important early relationship with our primary caregiver - the blueprint for our future relationships.

Being able to talk about our feelings (transference) towards the therapist allows us to gain a deeper understanding of ourself 'in relationship' - the therapy is a laboratory to learn about ourselves and the patterns of relating we have brought through from out past - some helpful and others not so helpful, enabling us understanding and the opportunity to work something through in a way that can be life changing.

I hope you are able to tell your therapist and that she is able to work with your feelings towards her in a way that can facilitate such change for you. It can be painful and scary (as you are discovering) but profound too. Not all therapists are able to work this way but psychodynamic/relational/attachment based therapists are more likely to be able to work transferentially. Most therapists will welcome your feelings about them as they help them to help you.

Best wishes

Moon

My T thinks these feelings are useful as they tell him about what's going on for me. I hope you can share them with your T.

I'm glad afterward, for the most part, when I tell my T about the feelings I'm experiencing towards him....he has always been respectful of them and seems very curious about it all, helping me to figure stuff out. Although I know a lot about transference, I've never come out and called it that in T. But I do usually say things like, "I know these feelings are out of proportion to the actual situation but..." Or "I realize I'm responding to more than just you but..." Idk why I do that...I guess I want my T to know I'm aware

You feel transference gets in the way of the therapy, but with some therapists, transference IS the therapy. Some therapists would agree with you that transference gets in the way. On the other hand, transference is the primary tool used by psychoanalytic therapists.

My therapist works with the transference, and it's been super helpful for me. Same with the one before him. There is a very relational aspect to the type of therapy. Which sounds like, from what you said about problems with relationships, a modality might be helpful for you too.

Hopefully this therapist will want to talk about these feelings with you--they are hugely important. Good luck.

"Transference is a Freudian term used to describe the unconscious assignment to others of feelings and attitudes associated with significant figures from the person's early life. It is considered a most important element of psychoanalytic treatment. It can be defined as an unconscious phenomenon in which the client projects onto the nurse or therapist attitudes, feelings, and desires originally linked with early significant persons. The nurse or therapist represents these figures in the client's current life.

The therapist encourages the client to "transfer" these feelings into the therapy relationship where the client is helped to explore the way in which past relationships are being used inappropriately so as to help in understanding the present. This "unreal" or transference, relationship is central to psychodynamic approaches and is used by the therapist to help the client gain insight into current distortions in their relationships caused by internalised experience of which they may not be aware. It is the exploration of and working through the transference relationship that are central in helping the client change."


*Quote from Transference - Person-Centered-Counseling.com

Tell her! The most difficult conversations are the most important. At least that is my feeling...

Never ever ever tell......

Could always print this, bring it with you. It's bringing your feelings to the surface, to be addressed, and could benefit, future relationships with other, not just romantic, but friendships, coworkers, et Al.

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Further to my previous post: my transference has revealed a lot about what I've felt and experienced in the past.

What's helpful is stopping to examine the feelings and ask myself if they remind me of anything else.

Yes, tell her. You won't get past it until you do.