[FeelingOpaque]

Those aren't the exact words, more of a paraphrase. Once again my T continued to insist, the fifth time in only five sessions, that I should be taking drugs. That's when I told him I felt really uncomfortable about basically surviving whole months being on SSRI's and lorazepam, so then he asked how do I expect to get better and I said can't you just teach or show me the tools to managing my moods without the drugs? And he said I have no tools to show you. I had no idea what to say, then it got quiet then he move on to an interest test, so I have no idea what the F to think about it. What does that mean? How is he supposed to help me then?

[Daeva]

Wow sounds like your T just wants to drugs you and not put so much work in. Drugs can only alleviate symptoms to make it easier for your T to help you, so you can be in a clearer state of mind to be helped. Just cause you have drugs doesn't make you better at all. He's not doing his job.

[FeelingOpaque]

That's exactly what I told him. I'm going to stick it out for on or two more sessions and sees what happens, but I don't think he gets what I am trying to say. Seems like he's just following the 'Depressed people formula of success' instead of helping my individual problems, it always feels like he's trying to pigeonhole me in a perspective instead of hearing the entire story.

[Daeva]

That sounds exactly it, it's hard when you don't think your T is listening to you, it seems he's just fazed out of you. I'm sorry he is being so invalidating and not understanding! I hope you can find someone who is more willing to help you

[Syra]

I disagree with your T. There are lots of tools out there to help. CBT has lots of them. Focusing has another set of tools. IFS has tools. Heck, if they don't have things we can learn, we are just dependent - on the T or on the drugs. My therapist friends says that the Ts job is to lose this job, to help the client learn to be able to help themselves more.

I wonder if there is more context to what he said. Or if he sees his job to help you recognize the value of drugs. Perhaps he is right (I'm not suggesting he is). The best way to get someone to see something you would like them to see is not to resist them and their values, concerns, perspective. So even if he is right in the context of your case, he's not doing a very good job of helping you see his perspective. It sounds like he thinks he knows what you should feel and do. He's wrong. Regardless of whether the issue is drugs, or feelings, or whatever.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by FeelingOpaque

That's exactly what I told him. I'm going to stick it out for on or two more sessions and sees what happens, but I don't think he gets what I am trying to say. Seems like he's just following the 'Depressed people formula of success' instead of helping my individual problems, it always feels like he's trying to pigeonhole me in a perspective instead of hearing the entire story.

[/COLOR][/B]
Love your way of phrasing things. Perfect Irony.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by FeelingOpaque

That's exactly what I told him. I'm going to stick it out for on or two more sessions and sees what happens, but I don't think he gets what I am trying to say. Seems like he's just following the 'Depressed people formula of success' instead of helping my individual problems, it always feels like he's trying to pigeonhole me in a perspective instead of hearing the entire story.

-----

[FeelingOpaque]

Originally Posted by Daeva

I'm sorry he is being so invalidating and not understanding! I hope you can find someone who is more willing to help you

Thanks!

Originally Posted by Syra

It sounds like he thinks he knows what you should feel and do. He's wrong. Regardless of whether the issue is drugs, or feelings, or whatever.

Yea, he has a problem with obsessing over particular issues. He took issue to my occasional Marijuana use and with my virginity, which I had no problem with and he was actually the one to bring it up. Neither of those were issues in my life, but he has spent a lt of time focusing on those two issues and trying to persuade me into Meds. Actually, that is all we've discussed in my time with him.

[eskielover]

I started going to a psychologist & about 1 year into our every other week sessions, she suggested the DBT group that was getting to it's starting point again.....I went to the DBT group for 2 years & this whole last year have continued on with the DBT "next step group" which keeps us focused on remembering the skills we learned....& my private psychologist has her own book she likes to use for DBT which I like better also.....& we seriously work on the detailed issues I'm dealing with that are too intense for group therapy....

I will NOT take meds either because of all the bad side effects I've had & now that I'm living alone I don't trust the experiences I had with the side effects & living completely alone.....so it's important to have the skills that I have gotten from the DBT group & things that I've come up with while learning those skills & how to apply them to my life......

Think you might want to find a new T & specify when talking to them to figure out if you really want them to start with...express that you EXPECT for them to help you learn working skills that you have never learned & desperately need to overcome the issues you are dealing with.

For almost 13 years I went to psychologists who just sat there & listened to me talk....I got nothing out of that....so it's been very enlightening & a blessing to have encountered the DBT.....it's made a huge difference in my life along with many other things that have happened like leaving my H after 33 years & moving 2100 miles away from him to a place where I didn't know anyone to be able to re-establish my own life.....these last 6 years have been a challenge, but a wonderful outcome overall.

[FeelingOpaque]

What's DBT? That sound more like me, I don't really have a problem sharing with someone if I trust them, my problem is I have no control over emotions and they just run everything, so I need to learn to control them.

[Syra]

DBT - dialectical behavior therapy
IFS - internal family systems
Focusing

[eskielover]

DBT....yes, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.
Major point is mindfulness...seeing the big picture & putting your logic together in making wise decisions.
Emotional Regulation....teaches skills for regulating your emotions.
Distress Tolerance....teaches skills that allow you to better handle distressful situations in life
Interpersonal Effectiveness.....teaches skills in how to relate to others....saying no is ok & asking for needs.
Overall summary of what's included in DBT...& 2 years of weekly group 2 hour meetings to work on & understand better the skills needed to accomplish those issues in life.

[Daeva]

DBT is a treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder, however it can help many others as well <3

[healingme4me]

A T, with no tools to help you? But, you 'need' meds, and lets talk about mj and your virginity?!

After meeting with you, ever so briefly, he's saying you need meds?

I've yet, to meet a psychologist or social worker, that has ever said, I need meds, PLUS, my own pdoc, has yet to say, 'hey, you need what I can give you...'

Um, find someone else...

[H3rmit]

About the meds - I think you are very right to want to develop skills to deal with life, rather than have your feelings dialed down by pharmaceuticals.

Originally Posted by Daeva

DBT is a treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder, however it can help many others as well <3

Yeah, my university offers a self-help course open to anyone, and they use a book with DBT and Borderline Personality Disorder in the title, but they stress these skills are useful for everyone.

I took the course. I found it somewhat interesting, but I found mindfulness meditation much more useful.

Some starting points if you are interested:

Shambhala Sun - How to do Mindfulness Meditation


Shambhala Sun - Getting Started (How to Meditate / September 2010)

A couple of key points:
>The biggest obstacle to establishing a meditation practice is the erroneous idea (firmly held by most people who want to establish a meditation practice) that meditation should calm and focus the mind. Therefore, if your mind is not calm and focused, you are certainly doing it wrong.


and


> You evaluate your practice on a much wider and more generous calculus. Not: Is my mind concentrated while I am sitting? But: How is my attention during the day? Not: Am I peaceful and still as I sit? But: Is my habit of flying off the handle reducing somewhat? In other words, the test of meditation isn’t meditation. It’s your life.

So, you can see why that would be helpful. I started doing 10 minute sittings 3x a day just over 2 weeks ago and started noticing better emotional control within 2-3 days. Actually, my husband noticed the dramatic change. I yell sometimes. Now I don't. I tried getting control over that for years. Suddenly both it and swearing disappeared without me even trying. And it's not religious. Mindfulness predates Buddhism. Here's another interesting article about three valuable concepts or traditions that cut across many religions and philosophies:

Shambhala Sun - Mindfulness, Compassion, & Wisdom, Three Means To Peace

If anyone finds this useful, feel free to let me know. I'd be glad to hear it.

[FeelingOpaque]

Thanks everyone! I'm going to see what he has in store for me, if it stay the same I look into some of the programs you have mentioned, they look great!

[unlockingsanity]

My T isn't really about "tools" either, but it's because of his approach. If you want specific things to do or homework each week, maybe look at a CBT approach or DBT like others mentioned.

Do you know what type of therapy your current therapist does?

[FeelingOpaque]

He said to have studied in the school of Jung and then moved on to Frued, so I guess psychoanalysis? He doesn't really specify.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by FeelingOpaque

Those aren't the exact words, more of a paraphrase. Once again my T continued to insist, the fifth time in only five sessions, that I should be taking drugs. That's when I told him I felt really uncomfortable about basically surviving whole months being on SSRI's and lorazepam, so then he asked how do I expect to get better and I said can't you just teach or show me the tools to managing my moods without the drugs? And he said I have no tools to show you. I had no idea what to say, then it got quiet then he move on to an interest test, so I have no idea what the F to think about it. What does that mean? How is he supposed to help me then?

Sounds like you need a new T.

Madame T didn't teach me any techniques. Mr T does.

[eskielover]

Actually Mindfulness is about seeing the big picture & combining your logical & emotional mind for determining the appropriate action you need to take to deal with the issues you need to handle in your life that are causing you problems.

Meditation is a skill used to control distress & emotions.

DBT skills are skills that most people never learned growing up but are the common sense ways of handling the crap that life throws at us....yes, it was initially developed with Borderline in mind.....but the skills are skills that even people without mental illness are in need of to handle their life.....people with more of those skills have a less likely hood of having situational issues bother their mental health. Sadly, most parents didn't know the skills themselves or they had no concept of how to teach their children about them.

In my experience with DBT, I have seen it work wonders with my depression, anxiety & PTSD.....I have seen it work wonders with Bipolar & Borderline.....in reality....there isn't anyone in this world who can't use these common sense skills for living life more fully.