Last session appeared to be a nothing session. But as the session went on I felt internal shifts.
One of those shifts was a feeling of finally letting go of any fantasy I had a childhood to go back to.
I asked T "what do you do if you have no childhood to go to?" But as I spoke those words I was shot into the here & now.
It happened quite fast, I felt myself realise the truth of my lost childhood, than felt a great sadness, than felt myself in the here & now and that felt satisfying.
T did answer the question, but I don't think I needed her answer by that point.
I talked about how I got confused in the past about friendships. How seemed driven to make them much more than they can ever be. I asked her why? T said you were trying to get someone to fill the void left by your mother.
I nodded yes in a real knowing way.
I than talked about how I lost 3 jobs in the past due to my alcoholism. I told her how people tried to help me, but I just pushed & pushed until they had no option but to sack me and in one incident I was escorted of the premises. T said "you were acting out your adoption". - yeah, that felt right too.
I left that session with a lot of internal reorganising.
Felt good.

[catsrhelm]

If you are doing a lot of internal reorganizing, than it was not a "nothing" session, but instead a good one. I hope you keep a journal too.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for sharing! I'm thinking I get where you're coming from re some of this from my experience.

[worthit]

I think we have to mourn the lost childhoods then start to heal and move on. Glad you had that epiphany and realized the here and now is where we need to be. The future makes us worried. Animals live in the here and now, not the past. I need to think more like them!

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