[Daeva]

I can't tell you how many times I have been told 'you are not your diagnoses' and been told that I live up to my diagnosis and if I thought of myself as separate from the issue then I would do better--which is all true. However how do I go about telling my T that I like to be my diagnosis and what not because it gives me an identity? A sense of self that without it I don't have?

[tealBumblebee]

I think you should tell her just that. That was a very open and honest way of putting it, and I'm willing to bet that any good T could take that beyond the surface, do a little digging and tap into some deeper issues! Good luck! *hugs*

[Daeva]

Thanks! I guess I just need the courage to do so! Especially after feeling insulted by my C this last week.

[trdleblue]

Originally Posted by Daeva

I can't tell you how many times I have been told 'you are not your diagnoses' and been told that I live up to my diagnosis and if I thought of myself as separate from the issue then I would do better--which is all true. However how do I go about telling my T that I like to be my diagnosis and what not because it gives me an identity? A sense of self that without it I don't have?

This is so much me. Just my last session I asked my T about my diagnosis and he talked in circles, and said how he doesn't like labels. All I could get out was that I don't mind being labeled. I wasn't able to tell him that it was because it gives me at least a little sense of identity. What is wrong with that?

Just tell her. I felt like that before therapy. I wanted a DX. I didn't feel I had any worth or really have any insight into what drove the pain that I felt could only be witnessed through a label.
As therapy has progressed I'm me now. I have worth & value and no longer need to define myself through others definitions.
T once said to me - "the problem with Dx's is they only tell part of the story".
Therapy helped me find the 'whole' of me. I am entitled to my pain. I no longer need 'permission' to know I suffer.
It's true, a dx doesn't honour me. The all of me.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Just tell her. I felt like that before therapy. I wanted a DX. I didn't feel I had any worth or really have any insight into what drove the pain that I felt could only be witnessed through a label.
As therapy has progressed I'm me now. I have worth & value and no longer need to define myself through others definitions.
T once said to me - "the problem with Dx's is they only tell part of the story".
Therapy helped me find the 'whole' of me. I am entitled to my pain. I no longer need 'permission' to know I suffer.
It's true, a dx doesn't honour me. The all of me.

True that!

[reesecups]

My T will not give me a diagnosis either! Very frustrating! She also says she doesn't believe in labels. Even when I told her it's a relief to have a label to know that I'm not the only one out there with my issues. She still wouldn't.

[iGottaBme]

I use my diagnosis as a buffer or a distraction. For example, if I focus on anxiety or depression, I don't have to work on what it causing the problem. The diagnosis can be a protector of sorts.

[archipelago]

When I found out my diagnosis, I was very curious about it and did all kinds of reading. The more I got into it, the more sense it made of things. It was like there was a scatter pattern of things that didn't go together before, but with the diagnosis, it suddenly all came into focus. That reassured me and helped me stop wondering why I was reacting the way I was. It produced self-compassion I guess because I was a lot less hard on myself.

Since then I have let go of that a bit. I'm in a healing phase so no longer want to identify with my diagnosis. It is a struggle though.

Having a diagnosis and having it be acknowledged can be constructive so it seems appropriate to place some emphasis on this with the person you are working with.

[Daeva]

I'm surprised at how many T's don't give out Dx's! I don't know what I'd do without mine, it brought such comfort knowing I wasn't batshit crazy!!

[Syra]

Originally Posted by reesecups

My T will not give me a diagnosis either! Very frustrating! She also says she doesn't believe in labels. Even when I told her it's a relief to have a label to know that I'm not the only one out there with my issues. She still wouldn't.

I know other people who found relief in a label too. I think some people think labels are bad, because a lot of people think labels are identities, or excuses, or predictive, or .... But I know people who found relief, and understanding for something that had been confusing all their life, in a label. I understand the good motivations of people who don't want to deal with labels. I disagree with them.

And I loved tealbumblebee's answer. It's what I would have said if I had gathered my thoughts before I read her post, and she did it better.

[archipelago]

LMAO!! You found a way to beat the censor! You typed bats hit and it didn't bleep you. It did to me though.

[Daeva]

Ha take that motherfvckers!

[FeelingOpaque]

When my T told me that I need to try to separate from my Dx, which he insinuated was depression, I felt like it was a cheap shot, like you are not good as you are, you need to become something radically different. I think that a lot of T's think like that, that they need to help you remove your 'disorder' from you. I think you just need to look at yourself as yourself, not as Daeva the BPD girl, at decide what you do like about yourself, and what you don't and then focus on learning to cope with the things you don't like. Your never going to be able to change the way your brain is electrically and chemically structured, but you can work around it and shine in your own way. Everyone has their highs and lows, maybe those who have mental disorders feel them more intensely, but that doesn't mean we can't teach ourselves to find a balance instead of being told to erase something that has been with us our whole lives.

[julnjer]

I do know may T's don't like to label clients, especially younger clients. It can bring stigma that will last a life time. I have no problem being dx with bi polar, but I do know may therapists do not like to label.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Daeva

However how do I go about telling my T that I like to be my diagnosis and what not because it gives me an identity? A sense of self that without it I don't have?

It's okay to be your diagnosis until you look around and find a sense of self/identity that you prefer for yourself. You are you and you have to do the work to find out what is there, good and bad so you can identify with that instead of something outside yourself/your diagnosis.

Do you have a sense of humor? Are you/do you like honesty? Do you enjoy reading, writing, art, music, dance? Ask a friend or loved one why they like you. Learn to see you the way they do. They have no reason to lie about what they like about you and you cannot "deny" you are like they see because they see it, whether you do or not and you can't tell someone else their vision is "wrong" because it is theirs; that's the neatest trick in the book, taking what other people say about you that is nice and just arbitrarily deciding it has to be true and then going to look for evidence of it (how else could someone else see it if it isn't there?). Obviously your T thinks you can "do this" or she would not work with you so, you can do this!

My pdoc and T make sure I don't lose sight of my diagnosis (bipolar) because losing sight of it causes me to stop meds which eventually leads to more problems, and with bipolar disorder, the more times you stop and restart meds, the less effective the meds become. With some diagnoses, keeping that diagnoses in mind is vital.

That said, do I consider it my identity? Absolutely not. It is just this thing I have to manage in my life.