[rainbow8]

I feel good about my session but embarrassment is "creeping" in. I feel like something came over me to write, draw, and talk about what I did. I'm starting to get icky feelings about it, like how could I go on and on about that stuff? I know it's okay to be embarrassed. My T just asks "where in my body do I feel it?" so matter-of-factly. She reassured me many times in the 3 years of therapy that nothing is TMI. But I feel like I want to hide from her. I feel like she knows too much about me. I trust her but I still feel embarrassed, or maybe ashamed. I think others have said sometimes they feel this way too. So what do you do about it? I guess I should tell her at my next session how I feel so she can reassure me again.

[shlump]

Anytime you bring up something with a therapist that you don't talk to anyone else about there will be the embarrassment, but it's only temporary and please do not let it keep you from sharing with T.

My Primary care doc has seen my gut...among other stuff and I keep going back.

Hugs to you brave friend

Gosh, yes! Many times!

[critterlady]

Often. It usually passes fairly quickly and it's gotten better with time. The worst was when I disclosed the details of my CSA to him. We spent at least one session talking about my embarrassed I was.

Yes. In struggling majorly with this the past couple weeks. I did inner child work last session and I could not get out of little girl mode and back to my adult self.. And I texted T about it. Then I told her I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I can't switch out. She told me never be embarrassed with her. So yes. I get it.

[stopdog]

I do not. I almost always feel extremely frustrated and often quite angry, but not embarrassed.

No, I really don't. It is what it is. I'm figuring he's seen and heard all manner of things in his career. His office is the one place where I feel safe to bare it all without worry of repercussions or embarassment.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Yes, sometimes, I feel embarrassed...both during and after session. Usually when it's something I've kept closely guarded or I'm uncomfortable talking about. My T reminds me that I haven't died from embarrassment yet! If the feelings creep in after session, then I will usually either journal or email her about that, and then we talk about it briefly next session. She always reminds me that feelings won't last forever, and that sometimes I need to just accept what I'm feeling and then let it pass in it's own time.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

But I feel like I want to hide from her. I feel like she knows too much about me. I trust her but I still feel embarrassed, or maybe ashamed. I think others have said sometimes they feel this way too. So what do you do about it?

I have thought before that that is why it is good that there is usually at least a week between therapy appointments for most people. One has a chance to calm down and let the feelings of embarrassment dissipate. What do I do? At the next session, I don't mention whatever I had been embarrassed about. T doesn't either. To him it is no big deal, and I try not to resurrect the issue. It all seems to work out. It is helpful to have him be there in his office for our next session, greeting me as usual, not acting strange as if I had told him something horrible or disgusting. That helps normalize it for me and know that what I told him was OK and didn't change his opinion of me. This seemed to happen earlier in my therapy with T when I didn't know him as well. Now I know him very well and am more confident of his responses to me.

[healed84]

Yup! I believe I used the word yucky to describe my thinking after my session two weeks ago. I think it is natural.. Many of us share with our Ts things that we have shared with either a very few people or nobody at all. Sharing those things with our Ts I think in away, helps to make them way less taboo and not so embarassing. However, getting to a place to share them with T, I think takes time, and not feeling embarrassed and yucky afterwards, will take time as well.

The last session I felt yucky about and embarrassed was after T saw my SI marks.. That was the first time in a long time that I couldn't look T in the face while talking to him. His reaction was one of not suprised, empathy, and almost normalzing in a sense... That after thinking about it for a couple of days.. I don't feel so embarrassed anymore.

[0w6c379]

Originally Posted by sunrise

What do I do? At the next session, I don't mention whatever I had been embarrassed about. T doesn't either. To him it is no big deal, and I try not to resurrect the issue. It all seems to work out. It is helpful to have him be there in his office for our next session, greeting me as usual, not acting strange as if I had told him something horrible or disgusting. That helps normalize it for me and know that what I told him was OK and didn't change his opinion of me.

I have been very embarrassed both during and after revealing sessions. Most of the time I can't look T in the eye when I talk about the hard stuff. How do I deal with it? Not well, but like Sunrise says above (well said by the way - thanks for that), the feelings seem to "dissipate". Until the next round of embarrassment . I also constantly ask T to reassure me that I can trust him. I want to trust him, I need to trust him, but in between sessions I get extremely worried if I told him too much. Then, when I see him again I wonder why I was so scared, of course I can trust him. It's a crazy roller coaster ride.

[unaluna]

This is where I like to depend on the Woody Allen joke, "Is sex dirty?" "Only If you're doing it right!" I only get attagirls from T if I've stretched emotionally in some way, which unfortunately usually involves some embarrassment. Better in t than IRL, tho, I say.

The only time that I have felt embarrassed was last week when my T said to me that I had become attached to her, I had never felt such embarrassment in such a long time.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I guess I should tell her at my next session how I feel so she can reassure me again.

It's in you and how you work with yourself, her reassurances might feel good but are not going to correct what you perceive as a problem (going on and on about "this"). I'd be a little suspicious of liking her reassurance too much so setting yourself up receive it by being "bad"?

Work with your embarrassment yourself, it is yours, inside you. Can you think about it without mentioning it to your T?

Don't know if you have seen this, Rainbow, it kind of reminded me of you? http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...-talk-the-talk

[skeksi]

After I get embarrassed with T, I bring it up again, and I get embarrassed again--but a little bit less. And the next time it's important to me, I bring it up again, and get embarrassed, but a little bit less.

This is a tried-and-true method of exposure therapy for me. It's helped me be able to talk openly about a LOT of things.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by sunrise

I have thought before that that is why it is good that there is usually at least a week between therapy appointments for most people.
One has a chance to calm down and let the feelings of embarrassment dissipate. ...At the next session, I don't mention whatever I had been embarrassed about. T doesn't either.... It is helpful to have him be there in his office for our next session, greeting me as usual, not acting strange as if I had told him something horrible or disgusting. ...

right Sunny!

I used to take it right up again the next time... and at least for me, this DID NOT work.
Your process is much easier, and works better (for me, for you).

There is need to try to be brave, to try to be daringly open, yes;
but no need to slash oneself open, make oneself bleed, in every session.
It will all come back around in time.
That's my experience anyway.
rainbow

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by shlump

Anytime you bring up something with a therapist that you don't talk to anyone else about there will be the embarrassment, but it's only temporary and please do not let it keep you from sharing with T.

My Primary care doc has seen my gut...among other stuff and I keep going back.

Hugs to you brave friend

Thank you, shlump. No, it won't keep me from sharing with my T. LOL, I keep going back to my medical drs. too.

Originally Posted by earthmamma

Gosh, yes! Many times!

Thank you.

Originally Posted by critterlady

Often. It usually passes fairly quickly and it's gotten better with time. The worst was when I disclosed the details of my CSA to him. We spent at least one session talking about my embarrassed I was.

Yes, it does get better. I never would have had the session I did a year ago!

Originally Posted by Jersey01

Yes. In struggling majorly with this the past couple weeks. I did inner child work last session and I could not get out of little girl mode and back to my adult self.. And I texted T about it. Then I told her I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I can't switch out. She told me never be embarrassed with her. So yes. I get it.

Thanks!

Originally Posted by stopdog

I do not. I almost always feel extremely frustrated and often quite angry, but not embarrassed.

Thank you. Do you mean you don't talk about "embarrassing issues" or that nothing is embarrassing to you? Just wondering.

Originally Posted by farmergirl

No, I really don't. It is what it is. I'm figuring he's seen and heard all manner of things in his career. His office is the one place where I feel safe to bare it all without worry of repercussions or embarassment.

Yes, that's the way I feel when I'm with my T. It's just that last session I was more open then ever before.

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

Yes, sometimes, I feel embarrassed...both during and after session. Usually when it's something I've kept closely guarded or I'm uncomfortable talking about. My T reminds me that I haven't died from embarrassment yet! If the feelings creep in after session, then I will usually either journal or email her about that, and then we talk about it briefly next session. She always reminds me that feelings won't last forever, and that sometimes I need to just accept what I'm feeling and then let it pass in it's own time.

Thanks. Good advice.

Originally Posted by sunrise

I have thought before that that is why it is good that there is usually at least a week between therapy appointments for most people. One has a chance to calm down and let the feelings of embarrassment dissipate. What do I do? At the next session, I don't mention whatever I had been embarrassed about. T doesn't either. To him it is no big deal, and I try not to resurrect the issue. It all seems to work out. It is helpful to have him be there in his office for our next session, greeting me as usual, not acting strange as if I had told him something horrible or disgusting. That helps normalize it for me and know that what I told him was OK and didn't change his opinion of me. This seemed to happen earlier in my therapy with T when I didn't know him as well. Now I know him very well and am more confident of his responses to me.

I'm glad that works for you. I'm not finished with these issues yet, so I can't just go on to something else. However, the relief and sense of mastery override the embarrassement, I'm thinking right now.

Originally Posted by healed84

Yup! I believe I used the word yucky to describe my thinking after my session two weeks ago. I think it is natural.. Many of us share with our Ts things that we have shared with either a very few people or nobody at all. Sharing those things with our Ts I think in away, helps to make them way less taboo and not so embarassing. However, getting to a place to share them with T, I think takes time, and not feeling embarrassed and yucky afterwards, will take time as well.

The last session I felt yucky about and embarrassed was after T saw my SI marks.. That was the first time in a long time that I couldn't look T in the face while talking to him. His reaction was one of not suprised, empathy, and almost normalzing in a sense... That after thinking about it for a couple of days.. I don't feel so embarrassed anymore.

Yes, I had to email my T something about insurance (what a pain, but that's for another thread.) so I said I felt yucky about the session. But I don't feel that about talking to her, just the material. I'm realizing that while I've been replying. Thanks for sharing your experience.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Michelle25

I have been very embarrassed both during and after revealing sessions. Most of the time I can't look T in the eye when I talk about the hard stuff. How do I deal with it? Not well, but like Sunrise says above (well said by the way - thanks for that), the feelings seem to "dissipate". Until the next round of embarrassment . I also constantly ask T to reassure me that I can trust him. I want to trust him, I need to trust him, but in between sessions I get extremely worried if I told him too much. Then, when I see him again I wonder why I was so scared, of course I can trust him. It's a crazy roller coaster ride.

When I see my T, the feelings will go away too because she's so accepting of me. I just got a little nervous this week.

Originally Posted by hankster

This is where I like to depend on the Woody Allen joke, "Is sex dirty?" "Only If you're doing it right!" I only get attagirls from T if I've stretched emotionally in some way, which unfortunately usually involves some embarrassment. Better in t than IRL, tho, I say.

LOL, hankster. Thanks for the comic relief!

Originally Posted by Buttercup..

The only time that I have felt embarrassed was last week when my T said to me that I had become attached to her, I had never felt such embarrassment in such a long time.

Being attached to your T is nothing to be embarrassed about but I can understand your feeling that way. I hope you can talk more about it with your T.

Originally Posted by Perna

It's in you and how you work with yourself, her reassurances might feel good but are not going to correct what you perceive as a problem (going on and on about "this"). I'd be a little suspicious of liking her reassurance too much so setting yourself up receive it by being "bad"?

Work with your embarrassment yourself, it is yours, inside you. Can you think about it without mentioning it to your T?

Don't know if you have seen this, Rainbow, it kind of reminded me of you? http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...-talk-the-talk

Thanks for the link, perna. It does kind of sound like me except I never got slapped across my face when I got my period. My parents were inhibited, but not hurtful to me. I just like to ask my T often "are you sure nothing is TMI?" That's all. I get what you mean, though. It crossed my mind about being bad so she could reassure me I'm not, but that's an issue, not my being manipulative. I mean that I want to tell myself I'm not bad, in my T's presence. I want to work on it with T, as that's what she's for. So embarrassment about talking to her is mine to work on, but embarrassment about the yucky stuff is therapeutic work. At least that's the way I see it, and I think that's what you mean.

Originally Posted by skeksi

After I get embarrassed with T, I bring it up again, and I get embarrassed again--but a little bit less. And the next time it's important to me, I bring it up again, and get embarrassed, but a little bit less.

This is a tried-and-true method of exposure therapy for me. It's helped me be able to talk openly about a LOT of things.

Whatever works is good. Thanks.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

right Sunny!

I used to take it right up again the next time... and at least for me, this DID NOT work.
Your process is much easier, and works better (for me, for you).

There is need to try to be brave, to try to be daringly open, yes;
but no need to slash oneself open, make oneself bleed, in every session.
It will all come back around in time.
That's my experience anyway.
rainbow

Thanks, SAWE. I'm basically feeling okay about it now. Basically, not totally. I'm more worried about the flu and strep--physical stuff going around my neighborhood. Nothing like distraction!

[BonnieJean]

Last Monday after going thru a bunch of stuff in session, I felt so exposed and vulnerable. I told t that's how I was feeling. She responded kind of point blank that everything I had said had all made sense to her. She mentioned a couple of points. It made me feel validated and less embarrassed. I don't remember holding on to too much embarrassment between sessions. I would never share this stuff with anyone else!

[Wren_]

So what do you do about it? I guess I should tell her at my next session how I feel so she can reassure me again

rain, is there a way that she could change what she says to you that would be more helpful than just telling you nothing is tmi? if you need more reassurance each time i wonder if you are really believing the reassurance or if something is holding you back (wondering for myself also)

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Thank you. Do you mean you don't talk about "embarrassing issues" or that nothing is embarrassing to you? Just wondering.
.

I find the fact I see a therapist to be a bit shameful in the first place. I do not find I feel embarrassed after telling the therapist stuff. She is not in my real life. Telling her things does not count. That is one reason I do not find it embarrassing. She is a stranger.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

rain, is there a way that she could change what she says to you that would be more helpful than just telling you nothing is tmi? if you need more reassurance each time i wonder if you are really believing the reassurance or if something is holding you back (wondering for myself also)

I believe my T. I think I just like to hear her say it's okay. I think hearing it over and over makes me believe that I'M OKAY. My former Ts never actually told me that I could tell them anything, and I never asked. I remember my first T asking me if I knew WHY I couldn't talk to her, and I never could tell her that I wanted reassurance that it was all right to talk about anything. If only she would have said or I would have asked!

[Wren_]

lots we would do in hindsight isn't there i asked something the other week that made such a difference to things ... and now keep thinking; imagine if i'd asked this a year or more ago and how much help it would have been! so it's more of an, i know this is ok but the reassurance helps me keep healing inside thing for you

[scorpiosis37]

Rainbow-- since you refer to the sexual things you talk to T about as "yucky stuff" and you have difficulty discussing them with her, I'm curious about whether you talk to your H about these things? Is that something you feel comfortable with? If not, do you have the desire to talk to your H about these things? Regardless of whether you feel your H would receptive to these conversations, would YOU like to have those conversations with him? Or is your desire to talk through the "yucky stuff" something you prefer to reserve for therapy? I hope it's alright that I'm throwing these questions at you-- only answer if you feel comfortable.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I find the fact I see a therapist to be a bit shameful in the first place. I do not find I feel embarrassed after telling the therapist stuff. She is not in my real life. Telling her things does not count. That is one reason I do not find it embarrassing. She is a stranger.

NOW I understand, stopdog. Thank you. When I first see a T, she's a stranger to me so I can tell her anything. It doesn't bother me. However, sooner or later she stops being a stranger to me and that's when the embarrassment comes into play. I know that you don't want to, or can't, change the way you do therapy, and I'm not judging you for that. I just feel sad that your T is a stranger to you.