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View Poll Results: How often does your therapist hug you?
Every Session/ Almost every session 23 25.84%
Every Session/ Almost every session
23 25.84%
Once in a while/ When I am having a hard session 5 5.62%
Once in a while/ When I am having a hard session
5 5.62%
Once or twice 10 11.24%
Once or twice
10 11.24%
Never 45 50.56%
Never
45 50.56%
Other 6 6.74%
Other
6 6.74%
Voters: 89. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old Nov 30, 2013, 07:43 PM
Anonymous47147
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multiple times a session.
but i have not seen her in person for over a year .... so i am waaaaay behind
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  #27  
Old Nov 30, 2013, 09:25 PM
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peridot28 peridot28 is offline
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My therapist meets me at the door to the waiting room with her arms wide open for a great big hug. I didn't hug her the first session I had with her, but at my second session I asked if she gave hugs and lucky for me she didn't hesitate and gave me a great big "Yes!" and a great big hug. This was over three years ago. She has a lingering hug where she pauses for a moment and says something sweet before she lets go. Her hugs are the best. We hug before and after every session.
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  #28  
Old Nov 30, 2013, 10:32 PM
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Originally Posted by peridot28 View Post
My therapist meets me at the door to the waiting room with her arms wide open for a great big hug. I didn't hug her the first session I had with her, but at my second session I asked if she gave hugs and lucky for me she didn't hesitate and gave me a great big "Yes!" and a great big hug. This was over three years ago. She has a lingering hug where she pauses for a moment and says something sweet before she lets go. Her hugs are the best. We hug before and after every session.
I really wish my T did this. I think she would give hugs if I asked but I am just too terrified to ask. I really don't want rejection.
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Aloneandafraid
  #29  
Old Nov 30, 2013, 10:56 PM
Anonymous100114
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Never it would freak me out.
  #30  
Old Nov 30, 2013, 11:06 PM
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never, she couldnt give a damn
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  #31  
Old Nov 30, 2013, 11:27 PM
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My therapist hugs me at the end of every session. She also sometimes touches my head, rubs my upper arms, and wipes away my tears during sessions. When we are doing trauma work, she sits close enough to touch my leg with hers. I also often push on her hands during session. One time, I got really upset and nauseated over a memory and ended up vomiting multiple times (into her trash can) and every time I was able to pick my head up, she wiped my mouth. My mom was a cold and unaffectionate mother, and sometimes I think my therapist does these things to try to make up for that. However, she never touches me if I am dissociated.
  #32  
Old Nov 30, 2013, 11:48 PM
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Never. It's been on my mind recently, but I haven't brought it up. Too much other stuff going on.
  #33  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 12:00 AM
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We now hug after each session. I sometimes feel awkward about it, but I don't like to leave without it. I feel comfort in knowing that it's the one form of touch T is not going to take away from me. After my last session, the one in which I told her about driving past her house, I asked "do I still get a hug?" I think she said "yes" or "of course", and then we hugged as usual.
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  #34  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 05:21 AM
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My T will offer a hug after most weekly sessions, it's part of my therapy. But if I don't feel like I can manage he doesn't mind.
  #35  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 06:09 AM
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Freewilled Freewilled is offline
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I actually kind of wish I could get a hug from my T but.....I wouldn't know how to ask. Plus, I don't think he would since he's a male T and Im a female. It's too risky for them, I think, though I'm sure some do it. We do shake hands after each session....yeah, it's kinda weird but not shaking hands now would feel off since we've been doing it every week for 9 months lol
  #36  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 06:21 AM
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Freewilled, we shake hands too, at the beginning and end of each session, twice a week for over a year now. I don't really think it's weird, I like it. Sometimes I'm too upset to shake hands at the end, and then I'll just say bye and leave without looking at T.

Hugs - nope. In this country, Ts are never supposed to initiate or suggest a hug unless their clients ask for it first. Of course a T gets to know their clients pretty well and might be able to interpret whether a client would like to ask for a hug but is too intimidated or shy, and then it might be ethically defensible for the T to ask, I suppose. Each situation is different, and Ts have to be at least a bit flexible.
  #37  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 11:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Freewilled View Post
I actually kind of wish I could get a hug from my T but.....I wouldn't know how to ask. Plus, I don't think he would since he's a male T and Im a female. It's too risky for them, I think, though I'm sure some do it. We do shake hands after each session....yeah, it's kinda weird but not shaking hands now would feel off since we've been doing it every week for 9 months lol
I really don't think that gender is or should be an issue with things such as touch (or for that matter anything to do with Therapy).

But like I said before I HATE handshakes, I guess it has to do with the spreading of germs.
  #38  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 11:25 AM
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archipelago archipelago is offline
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I agree and am surprised that people just assume that different genders means the touch might be sexually motivated. And some think that same gendered hugging is awkward, especially male-male. Gender is a very fluid thing. My shrink, for instance, is very masculine, but he internally has maternal qualities so I really don't think of his gender as just a single thing; it is a mixture.

Of course if you had issues especially trauma that involves sexuality, then it is very clear that you should be careful and protect yourself to feel safe. And if the gender of the person matters in that way then I can see why.

But hugs can be a general gesture of caring or just gratitude or respect. They don't have to have other implications. If they do then that could be explored.
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  #39  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 11:31 AM
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Originally Posted by RTerroni View Post
I really don't think that gender is or should be an issue with things such as touch (or for that matter anything to do with Therapy).

But like I said before I HATE handshakes, I guess it has to do with the spreading of germs.
Maybe we should just do that "fist bump" thing then, Lol. I heard on the radio the other day that this is much better than shaking hands because there is less spreading of germs (:
  #40  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 11:42 AM
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Lol. How about a high 5? or a shaka not a shake?
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  #41  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 12:02 PM
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Originally Posted by archipelago View Post
I agree and am surprised that people just assume that different genders means the touch might be sexually motivated. And some think that same gendered hugging is awkward, especially male-male. Gender is a very fluid thing. My shrink, for instance, is very masculine, but he internally has maternal qualities so I really don't think of his gender as just a single thing; it is a mixture.

Of course if you had issues especially trauma that involves sexuality, then it is very clear that you should be careful and protect yourself to feel safe. And if the gender of the person matters in that way then I can see why.

But hugs can be a general gesture of caring or just gratitude or respect. They don't have to have other implications. If they do then that could be explored.
Usuallz in our culture, any touch between a shrink and patient, especially of opposite genders, is not looked upon as a good idea. But this could be my own issues at play. I hugged my female T when she left the practice and obviously it was fine. If my current male shrink hugged me I think it would have too much of an effect on me. Early on my husband attended a session with me to discuss our issues. I was sitting across from my pdoc. We were sitting close enough so he kicked me slightly under my foot, and he kept doing it for a little while until I changed position. Now, he was just moving his leg and probably didn't even notice. But I did and still do...and my husband refused to ever meet with him again. So little things affect us in strage ways...

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  #42  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 12:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Freewilled View Post
Maybe we should just do that "fist bump" thing then, Lol. I heard on the radio the other day that this is much better than shaking hands because there is less spreading of germs (:
But IMO a hug probably spreads less germs than a hand shakes since most of the time you are just touching cloth and even if there back is not covered I think there are far less germs on their back than on their hand, my back is always covered.
  #43  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 12:42 PM
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Lol. How about a high 5? or a shaka not a shake?
Still has a lot of germs to be spread IMO, plus if you high five too early than you may hurt your hand.

I think I am strictly a hug person.
  #44  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 12:47 PM
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Originally Posted by amee200 View Post
Usuallz in our culture, any touch between a shrink and patient, especially of opposite genders, is not looked upon as a good idea. But this could be my own issues at play. I hugged my female T when she left the practice and obviously it was fine. If my current male shrink hugged me I think it would have too much of an effect on me. Early on my husband attended a session with me to discuss our issues. I was sitting across from my pdoc. We were sitting close enough so he kicked me slightly under my foot, and he kept doing it for a little while until I changed position. Now, he was just moving his leg and probably didn't even notice. But I did and still do...and my husband refused to ever meet with him again. So little things affect us in strage ways...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I'm not sure if I totally agree with you but I do agree that if you are married or even in a serious intimate relationship than it can have an effect on you (particularly if they are at session with you).

I have always told myself that if my family therapist hugged than I would have waited for my parents to leave the room at the end of session before I hugged (but I left the practice before I was able to ask you).
  #45  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 01:03 PM
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archipelago archipelago is offline
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I don't think a therapist should ever initiate a moment of touch without the consent or clear signal of the patient. And if there are strongly held views on why refraining from touch is therapeutically better then I can see that, but I think that touch can be therapeutic so a rule about universally avoiding it at all costs seems unreasonable.
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Thanks for this!
RTerroni
  #46  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 02:58 PM
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My doc doesn't hug me and I don't want him to. He is a professional.
  #47  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 06:54 PM
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Haven't yet but may ask Tuesday.
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  #48  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 07:23 PM
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3 years and no hug. But I might be responsible. idk Do I want a hug? Maybe. Would it feel natural and good?

I actually did have an urge to hug my T about 2 months ago but she was sitting and it felt awkward to try.

When my gf came to session once, and I was out the door down the hallway, I saw T give her a hug. But then again my gf kinda 'demands' hugs. lol

When i saw my gf's T, it felt natural to receive a hug from her. Weird. And, I am so much closer to my own T and haven't had a hug from her.
  #49  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 08:02 PM
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3 years and no hug. But I might be responsible. idk Do I want a hug? Maybe. Would it feel natural and good?

I actually did have an urge to hug my T about 2 months ago but she was sitting and it felt awkward to try.

When my gf came to session once, and I was out the door down the hallway, I saw T give her a hug. But then again my gf kinda 'demands' hugs. lol

When i saw my gf's T, it felt natural to receive a hug from her. Weird. And, I am so much closer to my own T and haven't had a hug from her.
Well if your Therapist hugged your Girlfriend then I am sure that she will hug you if you ask for one.

I remember that my first Family Therapist shook my Mom's hand but not mine (and I was very fine with that since as I have stated before I hate handshakes).
  #50  
Old Dec 02, 2013, 12:24 AM
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Having already said that my T hugs me I would also like to add this. I asked him if he hugs all his clients. He said that he didn't hug all his clients as for some it was not appropriate.
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