How often does your T hug you?

Interesting, I sincerely hope that was not the case with the Therapist I tried to hug, although how she reacted afterwords seemed to suggest that she didn't hug any of her clients (but as I mentioned earlier I am wondering if she decided to forgo that rule when she left the practice a few months later since you figure that at least a few of her clients would have wanted to hug her).

I put other because I've never hugged my T but I know I could if I wanted. My T has tried to hug me before but I am not a touchy feely person so I told her if I ever got where I needed a hug I'd ask. So far I've never needed or wanted one.

I'm not touchy feely either but I still hug my therapist. If his hugs were soft and mushy, I don't think I would like it. He is very strong and give a firm and brief holding which seems fine. Like I said, it has become more of a gesture than something I feel needy about.

For me lot of it for me has to do with gender. I'm pretty open minded about male/female relationships but still am not comfortable hugging men in most "professional" situations. I wouldn't normally hug a female in a professional capacity either, but it wouldn't affect me either way if it came up.

Even though my relationship with my pdoc is a good one, the thought of hugging him gives me the strange awkward feeling I get if I think of hugging my male boss. I'm not attracted to my boss like I am my doc, but I still wouldn't hug him unless he initiated it (which I can't ever envision). But I am estremely anxious around men and tend not to be very warm with them because of that.

I get what you are saying. Mine is a doctor too and so there is that professional aspect, but he used to be a hippie back in the day so he is also loose and groovy and seems to be very approachable. I don't think he hugs all of his patients. In fact I'm pretty sure he doesn't. A lot of them are young college students referred to him by the university for meds mainly so I think he has to act more "professional" with them because that is what they expect from a doctor. Once he showed up in jeans, when he usually dresses up. He had taken a walk during his lunch break and didn't have time to change. When I remarked on his jeans, he said, "I knew you could handle it" so I think he realizes that I respect his professionalism so that he can be more informal with me.

Yeah my guy is my age and given our similar personal situations plus our time on the same dating site, there's too much opportunity for confusion on my part. Its funny you mention your shrink wearing jeans once. There was one instance where my pdoc scheduled some of his patients on a Sunday (he had to cancel us due to snow). I was hoping he wouldn't wear jeans because I was afraid he would a) look too good, and b) appear too "normal" and not like my doctor. This must not be uncommon because he still wore his khakis and kept it professional!

It's funny that there is a "dress code." I think my shrink looks better in jeans and seems way more comfortable as well. I have seen him walking where most people go in my town and once I saw him with his shirt off. He was just grooving on the sunshine and ocean. He did look a little embarrassed though when he realized I had seen him, covered his belly with his shirt, and said he was just getting his vitamin D. I like this moments because they show me his human side and that affects how the relationship is more real and respectful.

I liken it to the way kids view their school teachers. To a kid, the teacher is always Mr. or Ms. ___ and belong in the school. When they see them outside of their normal surroundings it's so strange, especially the first time! It's as if they can't be a teacher and a human at the same time For me, seeing my pdoc personal side online freaked me out. A few months ago I went back on that dating site we were on to check out a friend's profile and of course looked him up, and he was still on there. He had added a shirtless photo and made his write up much more personal - it had been quite generic before and he only had one photo. So he must understand very well that that it can be hard for patients to see too much of their "human" side.

This reminds of something that happenned once quite at the beginning of my therapy. I had to get a prescription refilled and went to a pharmacy quite close to the center my T was working at at that time. Simply out of convenience, nothing else... but I happened to see her further down the road going to her office. I don't know if she saw/reckongnized me as she didn't aknowledge me and we never talked about it. I was absolutely horrified that because I was on my way to my horses she may have seen me wearing my riding pants...
the funny part: she's got horses and is a rider too!

To this day I wonder if she would be ok with me wearing clean riding pants to a session when I go riding straight afterwards...

I don't get this human thing. Of course therapists are human - what difference does it make? Hugging is not what I would consider human or not. I don't care who they are or what they do when I am not at an appointment. Seeing the woman in different clothes would probably not register with me that they were different. Seeing her in a different context would probably not happen because I doubt I would recognize her or her me. I don't particularly have a thing about her being special in any way. She is not. She sits there, I talk, I leave, she goes on to the next person willing to pay her money to sit there.

I tried calculating how many hugs it has been. Say 3 hugs per session x 3 sessions per week (avg) x 50 weeks x 7 years = 3x3x7x50 = 63 x 50 = about 3000; 2 sessions per week - 2000; so it adds up. They say humans need like 10 or 12 hugs a day for optimal growth. 10 x 365 - thats 3000 for one year. Wow.

Who says that? And is there no time frame? I don't think I ever let anyone hug me that much in a day. My mother said I would push her away even as a baby.

They! They! The all knowing, almighty THEY! i getcha. There is a family story about me at two weeks where my mother said i indicated i wanted to be taken back to my crib. And i remember my aunts saying about me in italian that i didnt cling or hold on to or attach to anyone. I do remember them digging their fingers into my sides when they held me - who wouldnt wriggle away from that?? Plus my mother would scratch me with her nails and ring, or put a death grip around my wrist. Ugh! Oh well, gotta get on the bus for my first weekly installment of hugs

I think these strong feelings some of us experience when we see our T's in different clothing or whatever just illustrates how some patients see their T's in a very special, almost superhuman light. I imagine this is probably why there are such strict rules regarding dual relationships and contact. It is too easy for someone held in such high regard to take advantage. Not everyone has these strong reactions like we've seen in this thread. But, since a T has no way of knowing who will and who won't, those boundaries become very important. For the patient it IS better for the T to play it safe! Of course they are human and will live their lives like anyone else, but there are certain things they just need to be more aware of than other professionals.

I think you are way too far over, I probably takes me 2-3 years to even get to 12 hugs (I am only counting physical hugs not hugs on here , but they are nice as well). But that is OK for me since they are very special when I get them, if I got 10-12 hugs a day than they would mean absolutely nothing to me.

Oh i am probably at 3 hugs a year max outside my therapist. We werent a huggy family. If i ever get in another relationship, i think i will write it into the pre-nup!

Eta - making it a regular thing with my t has definitely changed how i look at hugs, how i feel about them, and has helped change how i feel about myself.

My T only hugs me when i have had a really hard session, or when i ask for it. These 2 things tend to coincide with each other anyway.

Same here, well in my family some relatives like to hug but I don't like to hug them, I really don't like hugging relatives, I hug my sister sometimes when I see her but that's about it when it comes to relatives (even imediate relatives).

I remember at a radio station reunion when I saw a former DJ who I hadn't seen in 12 years I gave her a big hug and it felt very special.

Stopdog, I realize that you don't have the expectations or kind of relationship to therapy that some others have. The fact is that the therapeutic relationship is special. It is the only kind of relationship where you are entirely safe, heard, and respected, at least in good ones. And where you don't have to worry about the other person, about their needs or expectations. You can truly be yourself and open up to a kind of intimacy that asks someone to almost be inside you, which creates certain effects that are powerful. It's not that the therapist is superhuman, just very valued and appreciated. And because there are so many rules about them not taking up space or being professional, when another part of them shows up that makes them what people have called "more human." Some people take pleasure in this and the relationship in general. And a lot of it can be a healthy sign, not necessarily a problem.

Thank you for explaining your take on it.

Pardon the hijack, but i have a radio DJ who changed my life. I wrote him a fan letter once, and then called him, and he said my letter was funny. I was like, a guy who i think is funny, is saying that im funny?! And i started doing stand-up comedy because of it. So he is somebody who will always be special to me. My life is marked off, before comedy and after.

I don't hug students or clients but every so often, when I fail to keep furniture between us, one will hug me if something particularly goes well for them.
The one I see said she does not touch clients but then modified it. She has stated me she will stay back from me, but I sometimes am concerned she will.