does anyone feel jealous of therapists other clients?

Tangerine87 · Dec 08, 2013 at 11:47 AM

whats wrong with me? i feel jealous of my therapist's other clients. i feel that he likes them more than me and that he cares about them more than me...sometimes i wonder if he just wants to get rid of me...

i'm thinking of buying a christmas card and possibly a hand painted painting? is this a bad idea?

Willowleaf · Dec 08, 2013 at 12:32 PM

Yep! I deliberately make sure I don't bump into other clients. I know they exist, I know I'm nothing special, but I prefer to ignore them or like you I think she would rather be with them. As for Christmas card great idea, but I'm not sure they'd accept a bought picture, might if you painted it? I tend to make mine something card wise and leave it at that although I always want to make her a great gift I never have the ideas or courage.

Puglife · Dec 08, 2013 at 12:35 PM

I have had moments of that. My son sees another therapist in his office and when I'm there for my son and see my therapist come out for another client I do get a pang of jealousy. I know it's not rational.

Karrebear · Dec 08, 2013 at 12:37 PM

Yes, yes, yes!!

Tangerine87 · Dec 08, 2013 at 12:40 PM

im planning to make one yes...do you tell your therapist that you feel this way?
if so, what has been her reaction....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willowleaf

Yep! I deliberately make sure I don't bump into other clients. I know they exist, I know I'm nothing special, but I prefer to ignore them or like you I think she would rather be with them. As for Christmas card great idea, but I'm not sure they'd accept a bought picture, might if you painted it? I tend to make mine something card wise and leave it at that although I always want to make her a great gift I never have the ideas or courage.

Jordy · Dec 08, 2013 at 12:46 PM

My therapist also leads our DBT skills group, we had our first group session two weeks ago and I couldn't help but feel jealous of everyone in the group. Tomorrow will be the second group meeting and I hope to keep my jalousy under controll but it won't be easy, especially as I haven't seen her on my own for two months and I'm really missing her.

IndestructibleGirl · Dec 08, 2013 at 12:50 PM

I'm the opposite. I find it uplifting to think of my T having a good full schedule of other clients - I suspect because that creates a kind of diluting effect, and therefore less pressure. And some of them are bound to be as irritating as I can be

If I fantasized I was the only client I'd panic a bit. That being said, I would not wish to discuss therapy with the ex-lover who recommended my T to me. That would be weird.

I'm in touch with my T a lot via calls and texts and emails. It is really helping me and I think I'm growing emotionally with her nurturing-ness, but I get little stabs of guilt and doubt. A way I can justify this in my own head sometimes is to think 'this must be normal for how she works, I bet all her other clients are doing the same (or at least half of them, anyway) so it doesn't mean I'm abnormally needy to do this'.

healingme4me · Dec 08, 2013 at 01:11 PM

No. ever brought up, to your t, that you worry about being less likeable,,than other clients/patients?

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Willowleaf · Dec 08, 2013 at 01:37 PM

Something came up once about me joking saying I was going to stay in her office for ever and not leave. She said then I'd get to see what she was like with other people and she thought I'd be interested. I said forget it I'm off and explained how I make sure I avoid other clients that I really don't want to know as I like to think it is just me! She was great and congratulated me for sorting out my own strategy to cope with it. I found it weird that she thought I might want to know what others do. Sometimes I have commented though such as when I fainted on the path I joked am I the first and she just said would it really help to know the answer to that? Nope it wouldn't we moved on.

Dec 08, 2013 at 04:34 PM

Definitely-- i have lots of young alters (i have DID) and they just cant even stand to thnk of T talking to other kids. T says theres absolutely nothng to be jealous of because she talks to us waaaaay more than she talks to anyone, even her kids, but our younger inside kids dont want her giving anyone attention besides the,

they are still at the age where the whole world is all about them-- very egocentric.

stopdog · Dec 08, 2013 at 05:46 PM

I don't. I don't think the woman really keeps that close of a track on any of us.

Mactastic · Dec 08, 2013 at 05:50 PM

I had read some people were jealous of other clients but I had never experienced any jealousy myself - until last week when I arrived a few minutes early and got a quick glimpse of a pretty client leaving MY

T's office and I suddenly understood!

Lamplighter · Dec 08, 2013 at 06:13 PM

I expect I might get jealous except that I never see any other clients (and that goes for all the T's I've seen, I think I've run across the existence of probably half a dozen other clients of different Ts in all those years). I'm dead curious about other clients of T and would love to be on speaking terms with them, even to exchange notes on T.

I actually like it when a T mentions other clients because then I don't feel so suspicious that I'm the only one paying their mortgage

As for giving a card, I am humming and hahhing about doing that myself this year, I can never anticipate the protocol with therapists. I don't think my T goes in for card giving but I *think* he might accept one. Not sure about that and I'm not too keen on accidentally crossing a boundary that's going to slap me one in the mush. Hope if you do give your T a card, it is accepted with good grace

Ambra · Dec 08, 2013 at 06:24 PM

I arrived earlier once and saw an angry/upset girl leaving. And T looked serious so I felt jealous and wondered what had happened during that session and if T could really focus on me for the coming hour. But the feeling lasted shorter than expected, I guess because I've always felt connected (I can be very jealous and I'm quite attached to my T).
I know she doesn't have many clients for a reason. But I often worry about being the last on her list and sometimes can't help wondering how the one "she likes the most" must be and if she can't wait for me to go away. So stupid.

Dec 08, 2013 at 07:14 PM

No, I honestly don't give his other clients much thought. I see them before or after me, but they don't really have anything to do with me. Why would they bother me?

purplemystery · Dec 08, 2013 at 07:45 PM

I get super jealous when I have the opportunity, which isn't very often. I can't tell who comes out of my T's office or another T's office because it's so far away from the waiting room. But I go to my college's counseling center, so I'll occasionally see advertisements for it around campus and immediately feel a kind of threatened jealousy. Which is absolutely ridiculous- I know there are plenty of people that need help more than I do, and I'm glad we have this service to benefit from. I also actually had to ask my friend if she would mind making sure that she didn't get my T when she decided to get counseling. I knew it would kill me to hear her talk about my T. At the same time, like Lamplighter, I would love to compare notes with someone that sees my T to see if we experience her in the same way. In general, I don't want my T to bring other clients up into conversation, and I don't spend time entertaining the thought of her caring intensely about others.

Rosondo · Dec 08, 2013 at 07:49 PM

I remember when I was seeing a therapist, I once saw an angry person leaving, just before I was going in. It was a strange experience. Had never seen other patients there before. I had a weird experience, like almost as if I had seen a strange guy coming out of my girlfriend's home. I actually started to ask a couple of questions but my therapist said no info can be given because it breaks confidentiality. I felt bad because I'm not the type of person who would ask such a thing. Yet I HAD asked about it. I started to wonder about that patient, never saw him again though. I thought if my therapist was as kind with him too, if my T cared about him more, if I was replaceable, all kinds of thoughts. Up to that moment, though I knew my T had other patients, I never thought about it. This made it very real to me.

stopdog · Dec 08, 2013 at 09:09 PM

Perhaps it is even more useful I do not view the woman as kind, warm or caring. I don't think she is those things with anyone, the idea of her being these things at me is distressing, and if she is those things to others, she has had the decency to not do them to me. So either way what she does with other people is not something that distresses me one way or the other.

ready2makenice · Dec 08, 2013 at 09:39 PM

I do get jealous,I try not to come to early or leave to late or try to be last. When I have seen clients,I'd keep my head down, or glued to my phone. Even though I know my T has other clients,I don't want to know or see that anyone else has MY T. Once I was still in session and a client after me,walked right into my session while we were talking,I was pissed,I was over that. I changed my time slot and day after that.

I want to ask my my T next time if she accepts Christmas cards,I want to make a hand made one myself.

possum220 · Dec 09, 2013 at 05:19 AM

Over the years I have felt a pang of jealousy, but it doesn't bother me at all now. He sees so many clients. I used to give small presents to him but he would give them away so now I don't. I do know he cares about me, so that's all that matters.

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does anyone feel jealous of therapists other clients?

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Tangerine87 Member Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 437 11 10 hugs given	Dec 08, 2013 at 11:47 AM #1 whats wrong with me? i feel jealous of my therapist's other clients. i feel that he likes them more than me and that he cares about them more than me...sometimes i wonder if he just wants to get rid of me... i'm thinking of buying a christmas card and possibly a hand painted painting? is this a bad idea?
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Puglife Member Member Since Nov 2013 Location: United States Posts: 151 11 1 hugs given	Dec 08, 2013 at 12:35 PM #3 I have had moments of that. My son sees another therapist in his office and when I'm there for my son and see my therapist come out for another client I do get a pang of jealousy. I know it's not rational.
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Karrebear Member Member Since Sep 2013 Location: USA Posts: 184 11 59 hugs given	Dec 08, 2013 at 12:37 PM #4 Yes, yes, yes!!
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Jordy Veteran Member Member Since Aug 2007 Location: Luxembourg Posts: 721 17 74 hugs given	Dec 08, 2013 at 12:46 PM #6 My therapist also leads our DBT skills group, we had our first group session two weeks ago and I couldn't help but feel jealous of everyone in the group. Tomorrow will be the second group meeting and I hope to keep my jalousy under controll but it won't be easy, especially as I haven't seen her on my own for two months and I'm really missing her.
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healingme4me Perpetually Pondering Community Liaison Member Since Apr 2013 Location: New England Posts: 46,298 (SuperPoster!) 11 4,168 hugs given	Dec 08, 2013 at 01:11 PM #8 No. ever brought up, to your t, that you worry about being less likeable,,than other clients/patients? Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2
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stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 35,048 (SuperPoster!) 13 1 hugs given	Dec 08, 2013 at 05:46 PM #11 I don't. I don't think the woman really keeps that close of a track on any of us. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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Mactastic Veteran Member Member Since Nov 2013 Location: USA Posts: 673 10 62 hugs given	Dec 08, 2013 at 05:50 PM #12 I had read some people were jealous of other clients but I had never experienced any jealousy myself - until last week when I arrived a few minutes early and got a quick glimpse of a pretty client leaving MY T's office and I suddenly understood!
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Anonymous100110 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 08, 2013 at 07:14 PM #15 No, I honestly don't give his other clients much thought. I see them before or after me, but they don't really have anything to do with me. Why would they bother me?
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possum220 Legendary Member Since Jan 2009 Location: Uppa Gumtree West Posts: 19,416 (SuperPoster!) 15 8,001 hugs given	Dec 09, 2013 at 05:19 AM #20 Over the years I have felt a pang of jealousy, but it doesn't bother me at all now. He sees so many clients. I used to give small presents to him but he would give them away so now I don't. I do know he cares about me, so that's all that matters.
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