[krisakira]

Is it good or bad that my T has never brought up the subject of boundaries? Does that mean I am doing well with relationships and she doesn't think I need her to set up rules, or does it mean that she isn't doing what needs to be done? I do not know of any instance where I have crossed any line and I don't plan on doing such a thing. I don't contact T outside of session or group. She says I can call during business hours if I am in crisis and she's available, but I have never even done that. All I do is go to group and T sessions.

[stopdog]

The therapists I see have never brought them up in specific ways other than to say I have good ones and to tell me they do too. I am much more concerned about a therapist trying to get too close to me than vice versa.

[feralkittymom]

I don't think my T ever brought up the subject of boundaries directly in 11 years! The thing is, boundaries sound like a list of rules, but really reflect psychologically-based processes, and like all processes, they are fluid. My tendency was to tough everything out and never "bother" him between sessions. So in my case, there were times when he encouraged out of session contact: sometimes it was setting a time in advance for a phone call, or giving me his home phone number, or suggesting an extra session. This was because my challenge was to ask for help.

If my challenge had been that I couldn't contain any bad feelings and so wanted to expel those feelings by telling him immediately all the time, he probably would have limited my out of session contacts. Boundaries are developmental and as needs change, boundaries should reflect that. If particular challenges don't express themselves, then there's no need to articulate specific boundary responses beyond those common to most therapy situations.

My T rarely has brought it up, and never in the context of our relationship. He has talked about briefly in the context of me needing to maintain my own boundaries in my relationships with my husband and occasionally my sons or my students. He's never even hinted that I am not respecting others' boundaries. Not a big topic.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by krisakira

Is it good or bad that my T has never brought up the subject of boundaries? Does that mean I am doing well with relationships and she doesn't think I need her to set up rules, or does it mean that she isn't doing what needs to be done? I do not know of any instance where I have crossed any line and I don't plan on doing such a thing. I don't contact T outside of session or group. She says I can call during business hours if I am in crisis and she's available, but I have never even done that. All I do is go to group and T sessions.

She indirectly set boundaries by saying you could call "during business hours" and when she is available. It's probably only a conversation they make a point to have when boundary crossing has been an issue in the past.

She probably doesn't feel the need to bring it up with you, since you have been able to handle boundaries on your own. My therapist has said numerous times "...because I trust you." whenever I ask why she is so lenient and allows so much accessibility. So I think it really does have to do with what they personally think you can handle.

[The_little_didgee]

If boundaries are not an issue there is no need to discuss them. It sounds like your relationships are stable and that you can self soothe.

My therapist and I never discussed boundaries because it hasn't been an issue. She does ask me to contact her through email or the phone if I need to. Apparently I need to reach out a bit more.

[brillskep]

Well, that depends, really. Some boundaries are different with each therapist. Some will be okay with you calling in crisis so it's not a boundary issue if you do. In my experience, this is a boundary that can work and be changed depending on the client, the relationship, and especially the therapist's skills in monitoring what's going on in your therapy as well as taking care of his/her own need for well-deserved spare time. However, other boundaries should be non-negotiable for every therapist, such as confidentiality and its legal limits.. Your therapist could have mentioned this without calling it boundaries. I'm wondering about other boundaries too, such as payment and what happens if you or your insurance won't pay, attending session or giving notice of not attending or terminating, not having dual relationships, etc. They can be discussed without mentioning the word boundaries.

Most importantly though, if you believe you have not touched on an important topic, do feel free to bring it up yourself! It will probably help you get more out of therapy, by clarifying what's going on and your need for structure and boundaries. Good luck!

[brillskep]

Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful

She indirectly set boundaries by saying you could call "during business hours" and when she is available.

Great point!

[Lauliza]

Your t probably doesn't see the need because it hasn't been an issue for you. I keep a distance myself and like Hopelessly Hopeful, have been told that I can make a longer appointment or can call during business hours if needed. I think Ts are more likely to spell out the "rules" when expected boundaries aren't being observed so a client needs to be told more directly.

[krisakira]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone!