Have My Cake & Eat It Too?

Am I trying to have my cake & eat it too?

I cancelled the rest of my appointments after the first week of December until January. It was nothing on T's part; I was in a really bad place and I just couldn't do it anymore. I sent her an email to let her know I would be (had already) cancelled until January, etc. She said she'd miss me, happy holidays, and see you in Jan.

She usually lets me email her as much as I want (even welcomes "just wanted to say hi" emails).

I kind of started missing her lately and I wanted to email her and just tell her that (done it before) but I kind of feel like it would be rude/not acceptable to do that seeing as I cancelled our sessions until the 6th. Am I?

I would send the email. It sounds like it would be useful to you to keep your connection strong until you see her again.

I think it would be good, because it keeps the relationship open, rather then waiting til January.

I did the same thing. I cancelled my thursday appointment, then i texted t at the thursday time. On friday we talked about. I said, you were probably swearing at me, and i used what i thought was the universal symbol for texting. He goes, that i thought you were rubbing it in? Then i explained what i was doing, and he explained he texts with one finger very slowly. I think its important that you learn to discern your feelings and their remedy - its not like its written anywhere, and some of us were just taught to stifle. I am having a heckuva time with this. I cant tell whats real.

Heck, 2 weeks ago at 4:00am I cancelled (via text) my session for that day. And then at 7:00am asked if I could still come in! Which I did!

Its a bit of a mixed message. Im canceling our set time where they would get paid. But then taking advantage of texting and getting support for free. I think its different canceling 1 appointment due to sickness and needing to text and gain assurance vs canceling several appointments and then wanting T to support you through what you kinda did to yourself. Why not just keep an appointment?

Lol that's cute. I have definitely considered rescheduling haha. But I won't.

I think that this is likely one of the main reasons I feel like it wouldn't be fair to email her. I'd like to say in reaching out to her i'm not asking for support, but in some degree I am, because even her saying "hey, i miss you too" would be soul changing for me. I can't keep any appointments because I literally went on the schedule and cancelled them. And at this point, with the holiday approaching, I wouldn't even be able to see her until the week before I was already going to see her anyways. I also feel bad because i've never cancelled an appointment with her before.

I think I agree with you and its just not "fair"/ethical to email her.

I side on feeling like it's unfair to your T. You cancelled, and by emailing her you are expecting to get some support for free. I think the better approach would be to bring this up during your first session. I think noticing that you miss her is very noteworthy.

If all you need is to tell her you miss her, how about doing so on the "Dear T" thread here? I think that's kind of what it's for, to give clients an outlet when T is not available, etc. Since you cancelled, it means you can handle things until your next session, so I wouldn't do it. Especially, around the holidays unless you're in a crisis, which you are not. JMO.

I agree. I don't think I will email her about it. I also think that in not seeing her, I have so many more things that I want to/am willing to her. Kind of the whole "..til it's gone" cliche.

I have I think twice since our cancellations. I agree, that I can/should handle it especially since i'm at least a little better (at least not worse) than I was when I cancelled the sessions in the first place. Thanks.

She didn't seem mad that you had cancelled from what the email said. You are still her client and she welcomes emails. I don't think I would ask for support, necessarily, but a simple email to say hi or that you are looking forward to you appt would be ok