[sweepy62]

Every year these emotions get a bit worse for me. I have a history of CSA. Anyway this is going to sound crazy but here it goes.

The day before New Year's Eve I start getting anxiety and fearful sad. The day of New Year's Eve I actually start feeling NAUSEUS on and off all day headaches, anxiety , sadness , impending doom , angry, pain in my body and in places I would rather not mention.

In the past I have gone to doctors have had blood tests cat scans gyn tests everything was ok. Am I crazy.?

All these symptoms are on and off until after 1am of the new year. I feel like before the strike of midnight I'm terrified something is out to get me, like its not a beginning to me it's more like an ending. I relive these emotions of whatever this is every year.

I'm so scared I have tried everything every year I try to sleep through it and I can't, I try to get drunk , doesn't help, I get bad thoughts but I pretend I'm fine but I'm not.

I have never told anyone of this but this year it's a bit worse. I'm afraid to tell t.

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[sweepy62]

Sorry forgot to put trigger icon

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[JaneC]

So sorry you are going to have to face this sweepy. Kind hugs to you... you are not going crazy.

I understand what you may be going through. NYE is the anniversary of one of the times that I was most traumatised. Each year it is awful, and this year again I have been having horrid flashbacks, emotions, feelings and also symptoms in my body. I finally told my T a couple of weeks ago about the anniversary, it is something we need to talk about, but for now all I wanted was some support and help with the symptoms which are new to me. He said that body feelings and symptoms are quite common, different for everyone, but quite common.

I can fully recommend you tell your T. Mine has been incredibly supportive, so much so that he saw me today(christmas eve here) and is seeing me next tuesday which is NYEve here, and he is not seeing anyone else for 2 weeks. I would hope that your T would be as supportive and helpful as you need him/her to be.

ps: I found that drinking never ever helped me, and I tried a lot!!.......in fact it made things much worse. Please be kind to yourself and take care.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by JaneC

So sorry you are going to have to face this sweepy. Kind hugs to you... you are not going crazy.

I understand what you may be going through. NYE is the anniversary of one of the times that I was most traumatised. Each year it is awful, and this year again I have been having horrid flashbacks, emotions, feelings and also symptoms in my body. I finally told my T a couple of weeks ago about the anniversary, it is something we need to talk about, but for now all I wanted was some support and help with the symptoms which are new to me. He said that body feelings and symptoms are quite common, different for everyone, but quite common.

I can fully recommend you tell your T. Mine has been incredibly supportive, so much so that he saw me today(christmas eve here) and is seeing me next tuesday which is NYEve here, and he is not seeing anyone else for 2 weeks. I would hope that your T would be as supportive and helpful as you need him/her to be.

ps: I found that drinking never ever helped me, and I tried a lot!!.......in fact it made things much worse. Please be kind to yourself and take care.

jane thank you for replying and such kind words it really means alot I see my t on thursday, this happens every year some years better or worse than others this year is not that great I am already getting jitters, except I dont remember anything specificific about it , so I dont even know how to tell t because , it sounds crazy. I am wishing you well through these stressful holidays.

[archipelago]

I have a triggering anniversary on Christmas. Won't go into the details but last year I had a vivid set of flashbacks for days so I'm just holding on and hoping it doesn't happen again, especially since I won't see my therapist until the 3rd. I have tried to entertain myself and keep busy so that I don't sink into the past. I also sleep more; better than drinking which only makes it more likely. I don't journal if the memories come up. I try to "change the channel" instead. Just doing something concrete like chopping veggies to make a meal and concentrating on that kind of thing helps me get through.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by archipelago

I have a triggering anniversary on Christmas. Won't go into the details but last year I had a vivid set of flashbacks for days so I'm just holding on and hoping it doesn't happen again, especially since I won't see my therapist until the 3rd. I have tried to entertain myself and keep busy so that I don't sink into the past. I also sleep more; better than drinking which only makes it more likely. I don't journal if the memories come up. I try to "change the channel" instead. Just doing something concrete like chopping veggies to make a meal and concentrating on that kind of thing helps me get through.

Thats good archipelago, I dont see this as a flashback, its sort of like a bunch of feelings physical and mental and a feeling of an impending doom, I have always tried to ignore it, but it has gotten worse, and this year now especially and maybe there is a connection between my work in therapy and the intensity of these feelings , i dont know, but I have had these new years eve feelings for a long time even before therapy.

[Petra5ed]

Have you talked to your T about this? I'm curious what they'd think. I wonder if this isn't a sign of a repressed memory having to do with NYE. It sounds like PTSD symptoms, and with it having to do with that day specifically it also sounds like a repressed memory. Repressed trauma memories sometimes show up as irrational fears of things. Apparently if you were abused at a very young age it is common to deny it cognitively because you need to rely on those same adults to care for you. But, let me big disclaimer this that I'm not a therapist so I'm just talking out my *****. But I do think this would be a good topic in therapy for sure.

[sweepy62]

i do have csa in history I have not spoken of this fear to my t yet, because I dont even know where this fear is coming from i cant explain it except for what i posted Its very unerving i get pains in certain places i get anxiety scared panicky wanting to cry ect...