Too Damaged to Heal

Therapy did nothing but take me backwards. I looked to "stronger" people for opinions despite the fact, really, they had no more knowledge than me. Therapy led me to be more self-absorbed, to feel sorry for myself, to focus on my defects and to feel like I still need a parent far into adulthood.

All this was detrimental in the real world. It wasn't until I began to question that mindset that I could move forward.

Now I believe that everyone has plenty of flaws, weak spots and wounds in their lives. I've stopped thinking in terms of labels and accepted myself on the level playing field of the human race. I stopped ruminating so much and worked for my goals. I questioned what kind of friend I wanted to be--far different than the process of therapy.

Just because therapy "didn't help" didn't mean I was a damaged, or incapable of growth. Every person has damage. There's all sorts of ways to connect, many means of self-care.

I don't really believe that what I do with my therapist is reparenting. I don't see him that way. And I don't for that in him. Rather what he means when he says we are working it out, is that simple moments of attunement and recognition are things that he provides and these override the lack of them previously. It is subtle and mostly automatic. It just part of his approach to be solid and safe and secure so that I can trust him. It addresses fundamentals but not in an overt way.

I agree with what missbella said to a certain extent. I do think that certain therapies are very useful for change. While I think it is important to explore the root of andcome to terms with thr source of emotional pain, I do think some people can only go so far with psychoanalysis. I think it can also lead to self absorption and turns the focus inward to a fault. For me to feel healed I need to see actual change in my life and improvement in relationships. If the therapy Im in doesnt encourage actual tangible change, I dont find it helpful. I think a T needs to look at the patient in relation to their life circumstances, relationships and executive functioning. The past cannot be changed, but it can be accepted so we can move on. Sometimes our present situation cannot be changed even if we want it to. There are times when we need to accept what we have because it is whats right for the people in our lives at themoment. So for me, healing is the ability to accept what has happened in the past and figuring out how I want to live my life. A t will help us with these things, especially how to prioritize. To heal, I want to feel fulfilled and accomplished without needing a T to be there every step of the way. We need to do these things on our own.

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Peaches, it's not true, no one is too damaged and if your t tells you that it is projecting their limitations onto you. You are not too damaged its that they are incapable of helping you anymore.

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Omg, no wonder you feel like crap.

You cant have your cake and eat it too. Actually, I'm lucky. My parents "always knew" (so they told me, over and over) that i would desert them in their old age. My dad died 20 years ago and i think my mother is going to outlive me. My mother never answered to anyone. So why should i (or you) feel guilty about trying to enjoy what few years we have left?

But you asked me a specific question. I have to reread it. BRB!

Okay. No more excuses not to do the right thing for me, and t smiling about me saying that. Because i was admitting that he had finally satisfied all my childish longings. After 7 years of helping me on with my coat and my backpack - which he calls my jetpack, a dumb joke that never ever ever gets old - and if I'm leaving buring under scarves and hats and hoods, lately he's been digging in to find a spot of cheek to peck good-bye - well, i cant go home and be glum. There will be no bad phone calls or snail mails, and if there are, i can call him immediately, so i have been pretty calm at home.

I just work on taking care of me, in ways i have never been taken care of. When you've been neglected, that can be pretty basic. I get darn excited about a b.m. and breakfast. But that's what gives me the right to tell my mother to shove it. It doesnt seem like it was that hard of a job, like to get those two things right. But its like learning a foreign language -easy to do before the age of 5, not so easy after.