[purple orchid]

I used to carry on living in a grey cloud until I came to breaking point and had to seek therapy.
T has helped me overcome a major issue in my life and I am very grateful about that.

However, the more I went to therapy and studied myself, the more issues I found that I have that I was not aware of.
It's like a huge can of worms has been opened.
I wonder if sometimes it would have been better to carry on wandering around in my grey cloud as now I have all these other issues and challenges to deal with that before therapy I wasn't aware of.
Now I feel like I have more problems than when I started! They are small issues compared to the big one that I overcame but they bother me now.
Anyone else feel like this?

[Ambra]

I can relate. I sought therapy a few months ago to solve a certain issue and after a while that issue turned out to be just the result of a series of things from the past that I had never processed and am still carrying with me.

I think there are some issues that don't need great work but just acknowledgment. While others have been buried for so long that we don't even consider them and they will come out triggered by something, suddenly, and leave us overwhelmed. When my T told me I'm ahead in therapy I felt like all this has damaged me in a sense: I feel dependent now, and I thought "Now even this issue!". It may seem to you that you have neverending issues, but if they bother you so much it means it's worth processing them and you would have needed it anyway sooner or later (even if you think they're minor issues or that was not the reason for starting therapy in the first place). So better do it now I guess? I hope it helped

[SoupDragon]

Yes definitely made me worse in that a can of worms was opened and l was ill equipped to deal with those issues. My T warned me things wer likely to get worse before they got better.

[Raging Quiet]

I can definitely relate

Therapy doesn't make you worse. It makes you aware. The issues were there. They're just brought into the light where you are given the ability of free choice. Rather than the issues living in the dark & our choices being dictated.

My therapy was intense, so I was worse in terms of general day-to-day functioning.

I had an anxious attachment with him, so I thought about him constantly. The therapy caused numerous abreactions/flashbacks and nightmares. Repressed needs and emotions and memories surfaced.

Despite feeling worse, I felt truly loved and accepted for the first time, and have never felt such feelings of content before. It was the most intimate relationship I had ever been in before. I came out a better person, so I don't regret any of it.

I know what you mean about being hyper-aware now. Are you the same way with others too (hyper-aware of their issues)? I wonder if that ever 'shuts off'?

[Elektra_]

as u said u already had this probs u just became aware of them. now u can work on them and move on. tc

[stopdog]

I think it can.

It did make me much worse. I think, though, that it is my fault and my problem and not therapy or the therapist.

I think it can make you worse depending on what issues you're dealing with.

[penguinh]

I think therapy did make me a bit worse but not exactly in the same way as you. My first experience with therapy, I was wrongfully diagnosed with OCD and because of that I found my actions changing to meet the diagnosis because it was almost like a placebo effect like I was 'supposed' to be doing certain things. The beginning of my second experience with a different therapist, also in a way made my depression worse because I kind of had this realization that the therapist couldn't help me. They couldn't fix me like I wanted them to and it was going to take a lot of personal effort. But I guess in a way therapy helps you think more and reflect more on yourself.

[Petra5ed]

I think I was just hiding in denial of a lot of my problems before therapy. I'd gotten used to trying to avoid my issues or face my thoughts/feelings etc, thinking I needed to tough it out, or try harder, or be better for a long time. It was so hard for me to even figure out what emotion I was having and why, except for the depression part, I felt that. Now I think I cry more, but only because I'm thinking of some things I haven't in a while. I cry more but I am less sad. Also I'm struggling with attachment but I feel like I always have on some level and it's just more in my face since it's occurring with a T now and cant be acted out. I think my range of my negative emotions has definitely increased, or at least I guess, my awareness of them.

Even though I've found a lot of problems with myself I didn't know existed before, I've definitely improved overall. When I started I was in a dark depression and an extremely anxious place. Every day was miserable to the point of not wanting to move and I was having panic attacks that left me curled in a ball on the floor, so the fact I still have problems still seems like a success compared to where I started. The biggest negative or hardest part has been dealing with my feelings for my therapist, and how they at times are a sad reminder that I long for a loving parent, like my therapist, that I will never have. It's pretty painful, and sad really. And the feelings manifest in complex, confusing, frustrating, and frequently shameful ways, but sometimes (although more rare) in very pleasant ways. I feel more alive then in a long time, but also more aware of my fear. Oddly, although I'm very afraid, I also feel like I've found my bit of strength once again. I'm open to change and maturing into the person I want to become. I think my therapist is ****ing awesome and I feel lucky to be where I am, but I have a lot of personal work ahead of me, and a lot of painful changing to accomplish.

Good luck! If stuffs not going well look for a new T. I think the more you have in common, and the more years of experience the T has the better.

Petra5ed

[-jimi-]

Therapy told me I should be things I didn't want to be. It had me want to be them even if it wasn't me. Therapists were displeased because I didn't make much progress, they took it personally and thought I did it to make them angry. Also therapists said I had issues for reasons I didn't and the more I tried to set them straight the more they were sure they were right. And they also thought I as a person was bad, it wasn't my issues that were bad. They treated me accordingly.

It was long ago but it broke my spirits. I still have this hypervigilance about other people. I still have this fear of making people angry. I've become meek and self sacrificing. I just cannot undo it.

Now I get triggered if I don't get heard, if I don't get understood, if someone assumes something about me that is wrong. I'm not as triggery as I was but if I'm tired or depressed it comes back.

Part from 2 years of bullying I have no trauma in my life except therapy. Many people go to therapy because of trauma. I went in with non trauma based issues and came out with trauma.

And I paid for it.

I must indeed have been nuts.

[AllyIsHopeful]

I completely relate to this. I was in a really bad place when I started. At first talking about it regularly helped. Out of nowhere if began nosediving and hit rock bottom...I ended up inpatient on suicide watch. I started climbing back up after that but once again, started sliding downhill.
I guess it revolves around subject-matter. My therapist always reminds me that it will get/feel way worse before it get better. ❤️


"You're stronger than you think."

My therapist kept telling me it would be worse before it got better, but, for me, it never got better. I wish it had.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by roseleigh7

My therapist kept telling me it would be worse before it got better, but, for me, it never got better. I wish it had.

Maybe you're still at the worst point and the better will eventually start to come. "It's always darkest before the dawn." Once you stop waiting for it to come it'll come outta nowhere.

"You're stronger than you think."

[CrimsonBlues]

Hello purple orchid-

I do know what you mean. Beginning the healing process meant that I had to think about and look at things that I had tried to avoid throughout my life. I had to stop living in denial. There are times that I wish I could go back to living in that cloud but I also know that I was just putting off the painful work. I have come along way in understanding things but there is still a mountain of work to be done.

I think that starting the healing process comes with a lot of pain for the very reason that you're looking at painful things head on. If you are using therapy as a means of getting assistance with this process it can be beneficial, in spite of the understandable pain attached-but it's also true that therapy can make things worse. It might be that the method of therapy isn't the right fit. It might be that the therapist isn't the right fit. It might also be that the therapist isn't a good therapist and can actually be harmful. Therapy can be a helpful asset for some people but it's also possible for therapy to not be a helpful asset. I think it's helpful to know that working on past issues that have caused anguish in our life will often times mean that things will get worse before they get better. But it's also a good idea to ask questions in therapy if you've been in therapy for some time while feeling that you're getting continually worse. It might be helpful to talk to your therapist about these concerns.

[elliemay]

I got better. Then worse. Then even worse. Then better again. I have no idea where I am now, but it feels okay.

I'm happy with that.

[peaches100]

Some things got better, and some things got worse. Looking back, I can see that I've made alot of progress over time. I've become much more awrae of my issues, my defense mechanisms, the effect my upbringing has had on me, my needs, and I've become much more able to express my emotions and be more assertive.

However, along with the good awarenesses therapy has brought me, it has also brought me the awareness of a tremendous amount of emotional pain and bad memories from my childhood that I'd never dealt with. It has begun to dawn on me that even with a great therapist and a great deal of hard work on my own part, some of my issues and deep emotional pain from the past may never heal. There are a couple of areas where the pain has burrowed so deeply and caused so much suffering that therapy has just not been able to heal it.

[peaches100]

PS - For this reason, I've been considering accepting that I've come as far as I can in therapy, that it's time to terminate, accept what I've been able to have healed, and accept the parts of me that are not capable of it.

[The_little_didgee]

My first encounter with therapy made me suffer because I was misdiagnosed. My autism was mistaken for personality disorder. After that I was considered a manipulator and a difficult patient that no psychiatrist wanted to deal with. Everything I told them was interpreted to be apart of that diagnosis. They even told me I was abused by my parents which was a lie. I was never abused but they wouldn't listen. Every time I tried to contest it I was summed up as just being a "borderline". Somehow I managed to get that diagnosis even though I did not have the core traits. I am certain I got it because I had a negative reaction to an SSRI and I did a little bit of cutting (something I learned while in hospital) when I was a teenager.

I originally ended up in therapy for bullying at school and depression. It was supposed to help me but it left me traumatized. Eventually I had to quit because it was hurting me. When I started therapy I was sad and when I left I was livid, because of what they did to me. My emotions are still raw.

My second encounter with therapy was different. It took a psychotic break to finally be heard. Sad. They did not listen the first time and dismissed my symptoms as dissociation. I was finally assessed by a psychiatrist and properly diagnosed. My family was even involved. I really liked that because it allowed the psychiatrist and other mental health professionals involved in my care to see what I am really about and what my struggles are. Shortly after the psychosis I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Finally all my lifelong social issues and obsessions had a name. Everyone agrees with my diagnosis even the mental health professionals. It wasn't like that before.

Now, I am heard. That is all I ever wanted.

For therapy to work the diagnosis must be correct.

I think one thing, for me, was being so focused on that one hour of therapy a week. During the week it was so much on my mind that I neglected other things which is so sad to me now. I was so focused on him and our relationship that I didn't live my life much outside of therapy. I am kind of glad it is over because I can focus on my real life now. It's painful and hard, but I'm not stuck and tied down like I was to therapy. This is just for me. Probably other people are healthy about therapy, but I never figured out how to be.

[missbella]

My bottom line --did therapy help me become a better friend, a better potential partner, a better co-worker? My answer: a resounding NO! In my experience, therapy did nothing but con me and exploit my frailty, for a variety of reasons.

My relationship with my therapists was enfeebling. I was expected to put myself trustingly into someone else's hands, someone who "knew" with absolute certainty, the narrative and interpretation of MY life. Someone who pretended to know more than I did about my life, just by virtue of their certificates on the wall. I always was the subordinate, the inferior, the follower despite focus on the subject I knew more about than anyone else--ME.

Bad, or maybe worse, therapy served as a PhD in how to be a depressive. It encouraged me to spend hours, months, years, reliving all the crummy things that happened to me, how people hurt me, how unfair my life was, how deficient and defective I am. It left me feeling I was special in my victimhood, that everyone should cater to me and tiptoe around my hothouse flower "feelings." I became SO self-absorbed and self-pitying. I thought the therapy process some magical voyage toward self-discovery.

I became so obnoxious, I lost many friends obsessing about all this stuff. I was deluded and self-absorbed. When someone did something that bruised me, I had to "defend my boundaries." I did that obnoxiously too. And I was even more deferential to authority figures, waiting for that god to grant answers. My changes from therapy disconnected me from many potential supports rather than strengthened them.

Years go by and I decide what no one told me in therapy. First, no one lives a golden life. Everyone suffers wounds and unfairness. Everyone falls short. Everyone feels inadequate, feels an outsider on many occasions. I was anything but special having gone through difficulties and was a fool expecting the world to cater to me.

I decided that "getting to know myself" too was a fallacy. Memory inevitably is a slippery beast. Along with the hurts and wounds there were good times, there was making the best of it, there was toil and boredom. I decided "getting to know myself" was the life I created forward, not living in the miserable parts of my past I couldn't change anyway.

My biggest disillusionment was with the therapists themselves, people who pretended to be omniscient gods, people who equipped to define, evaluate and label me to guide me to a better life. Yet, they didn't understand my path because I didn't. They certainly didn't understand what I might change much less how to change it. They didn't understand that my compliance and deference in therapy were terrible traits when I face the world. The only equipment therapists had was graduate school training which certainly left them no less flawed, no more wise about life than me. They were NOT my inferiors. They were performing a Wise Man act with me.

People might say, she "failed" at therapy. That must mean she didn't commit, resisted, or didn't want to change. Ah, but over the years I was able to change. I changed them by setting goals and sloughing off wounds and disappointments to work toward them.

I've had to unravel and unlearn everything therapy cultivated in me. It's always a work in progress, of course.

[Syra]

I think "therapy" helps, if "therapy" is defined as something that helps. There are LOTS (way too many) people who offer therapeutic services, who do not do a good job for the client, and harm them. Was it "therapy" that harmed them? or the therapist?

I could argue it was the therapist, but I think that's a word game, and going for therapy can be harmful. We didn't know, when we went, that person wasn't good enough. and what we were going for was therapy.