[Petra5ed]

I'm curious what everyone's experience is in this department, specifically in psychodynamic therapy. I had been under the impression most therapists were like a "blank slate." I've had one therapist that never self-disclosed (but I never asked her personal questions.) Now I have one who does to some extent. I kind of like knowing a little bit about my T, and it's helped me trust wise and also to figure out who they are. But... there have been a couple self-disclosures that I have been questioning. For example, my current T told me that a past client had committed suicide. I'm not sure what brought it up in conversation. Has anyone had a T tell them something personal like this?

[Leah123]

I believe the frequency of self-disclosure is typically low (compared to any other type of relationship), but much higher in psychodynamic therapy than CBT for example, and still probably higher in CBT than in a system like old-school psychoanalytical psychotherapy (Freudian) where it's a taboo.

My T discloses small things frequently, to help reassure me she's around. Like if I send her a message she'll reply and say, I'll be out having lunch with a friend and running errands til midafternoon. It's helpful to see her in normal context, and also to have less to worry about in terms of thinking "Oh, she is sick of me, that's why she's not answering."

In terms of significant disclosures (major life events, epiphanies, struggles) she has opened up to me about some of these happy and difficult moments during our therapy, to help me know she can empathize and to normalize how I'm feeling, which is helpful with my issues.

I usually appreciate these, but like your Ts disclosure about suicide, mine once told me something very sad and very serious about herself that I struggled with a bit to not feel constrained in talking about myself knowing her personal issue, though she assured me she'd worked through it and was okay with it.

Those are hard. I'd never want to tell my therapist not to disclose, and in the end I'm glad she did, but I do have to work through knowing something that makes me sensitive around her so it doesn't prevent me talking about my own important issues.

I would feel free to discuss all this with your therapist: a disclosure about a client's suicide is such a serious admission, I think you definitely deserve some context as to why she'd ever think that was helpful to bring into your therapy if you're not 100% sure about her reasoning.

[anilam]

I'm in psychodynamic therapy and yes, my T discloses to a certain level but only after I asked about it and only facts (nothing about how he felt about it ect.) and only about himself (not that I'd ask about his other clients anyway).
I believe that blank slate therapy belonged to psychoanalysis (5 times a week, lying down and freely associating) a bit old fashioned nowadays?

My T is mostly behavioral and discloses a fair amount. He has lots of family photos in his office, so his kids and grandkids come up from time to time. I've been seeing him coming on 9 years now, so I know quite a bit about him, but it has come little piece by little piece. It has always been appropriate and never I have felt like he was in any way burdening me with his problems (he never does that). Very benign.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by anilam

I believe that blank slate therapy belonged to psychoanalysis (5 times a week, lying down and freely associating) a bit old fashioned nowadays?

There are different types of psychoanalysis now, not just the typical blank-slate approach or the 5-day a week approach. I'm in once weekly relational psychoanalysis where there is a lot of dialogue between the therapist and client. My T self discloses some things, where appropriate.

I really encourage others to seek out this type of psychotherapy. There seem to be very few of us on the forum who engage in this type of therapy. I only stumbled into via a referral, but it has changed my life.

I'm in psychodynamic psychotherapy and my T discloses very little. I don't know whether he is married or has children, for instance. He's told me how long he has lived in this country, and he uses a lot of metaphors and examples from music and books, which tells me a bit about his tastes in those areas. I have asked him a few things, such as how long until he retired ("several years" was the answer), and whether he likes his job ("yes, it's one of the most privileged jobs anybody could have").

It does not bother me at all that I don't know more about him. I'm a bit curious, but not to the point that it becomes a problem for me.

[tohelpafriend]

Hi....good questions.....I've been in T for 6 years with the same psychologist....she is very guarded about disclosures but if I asked if she ever experienced something, so I could find some relativity, she will answer me. Our Ts here at this center are not allowed to accept gifts or anything. We engage in CBT and did some DBT, but it did not have the dynamic to it (DBT), that I needed to figure things out. My T is defensive, but I've stayed with it, now 1x per month until we get the career goals accomplished, and new meds for panic.

[A Red Panda]

My T's disclosed various things about himself - some good, some bad, some sorta funny. I find it helpful because it's nice to see how he's really just human (which has by-far helped when he's said a few rather insensitive things that I knew he meant as a joke). It's also the only thing he can really do to help build trust between us. I simply cannot trust someone I don't know. I don't really even trust the people that I DO know.

[RTerroni]

It all depends, I think that it can either help or hurt the relationship depending on the person.

[archipelago]

Psychodynamic therapy has several branches and approaches and one that was mentioned, relational, using self-disclosure for the purpose of promoting more transparency in the relationship, which in more traditional forms (blank slate) it was seen as unnecessarily mystifying and creating too much hierarchical power that was counterproductive.

The act of self-disclosure is delicate and complex so has to be practiced and thought through. The principle behind some of it is that the analyst uses "countertransference" not just to check for his own issues but as information about the client. Some of these reactions can be enacted without directly saying where they come from, but at other times they result in self-disclosure.

Sometimes more personal information is also shared. I have found with my shrink that this stops projections and little transferential feelings because I have the "real" picture, or at least what the analyst wants me to know.

I am free to ask questions. Not all will be answered. But I don't really feel I need to ask personal questions. I want to keep the focus on me because that is the work we are doing, so the self-disclosures are really designed not to interfere with that.

[stopdog]

The two I see have volunteered stuff about themselves. I am not all that interested, but they will sometimes do it. I find it annoying because it is often seemingly used to give an example of either how they do something so it is okay (like it somehow would make something acceptable to me because they do it or think like it or something). And sometimes I think they do it just because they get bored and want to talk.
I read a book by one of them once (it might have been Yalom) and he was all indignant at one client because the client did not seem to be curious about him. It made me laugh at how huge their egos can be.

[archipelago]

I have heard funny stories about Yalom as well although I like some of his writing. Mine thankfully is humble so I only see his ego when we disagree on something and he puts up resistance. Not all the time but with only specific areas where he feels like the "expert" when I just know that even if he knows more I know myself better.

[stopdog]

I am usually put out because who goes - oh it is okay then because the therapist told me they do it?

[archipelago]

I saw a therapist once who after listening to me and real stressors in my life tried to ask how I felt about her. She obviously was trying to force the question of transference, but on the first meeting! It was just so ridiculous and pathetic that I didn't even bother with setting up another appointment or having anything else to do with her. It was so incompetent and clumsy and really showed that she had not heard a word I had said either.

[PrisonBound]

I'm in psychodynamic T and she hasn't disclosed one thing. I haven't asked either. Never crossed my mind for whatever reason

[feralkittymom]

My T was broadly psychodynamic in orientation and quite relational as appropriate depending upon the client. There were levels of self-disclosure: maybe telling me a brief story of an experience he had growing up to illustrate an issue I was struggling with; or answering almost any direct question I would ask him, though I didn't ask so many. Mostly I needed to bounce experiences I'd had of being parented with what he did as a parent, trying to discern what was "normal" vs aberrant in my childhood experiences. But he also had a large picture of his family in his University office, displayed to be easily visible to clients. I think this was because his client base there were University students, so it was an appropriate disclosure to inspire confidence. His private practice office was not revealing because his client base there was adult and more varied in concerns. I don't think he'd ever had a client except me who experienced him in both settings.

Since reconnecting post retirement he has shared serious losses and difficulties with me. Not in an excessive or highly emotive way, but in an informational way, including how he feels. Just this week he told me about being overwhelmed by a serious illness in his family and the suicide of one of his friends. I feel sad that he's burdened by these events at a time in his life when you would wish for peace and fulfillment.

My t has told me a lot about her life. I dont have to ask, she just volunteers it, although sometimes i do ask her questions.I appreciate it. My first therapist told me quite a bit,if asked her.

[Victoria'smom]

I know my t has 3 kids, 14,14, & 19 and 2 dogs.

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

I'm curious what everyone's experience is in this department, specifically in psychodynamic therapy. I had been under the impression most therapists were like a "blank slate."

Maybe your T thinks it will be helpful in terms of your progress and trusts you enough to share? Disclosing that type of thing might be representative of the strength of your relationship with T, relational growth, and intimacy.

I, too, have been surprised what my T has told me. It's been helpful every time, even if it was not evident at first. Yes, it certainly helps with trust.

My last long-term T was psychoanalytic, which is the pure form of psychodynamic therapy. My new T is too, and he answers all my questions about him. We haven't known each other for very long, so at this point, I don't know yet if he would share more personal information or not.

Psychoanalytic therapy is, in my experience, more like a real relationship than any other type of therapy, which makes the issue of self-disclosure most amenable in terms of applying therapeutic outcomes.

Are you questioning it because of ethics? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? If you don't mind me asking, I'm wondering what prompted you to start the thread.

[PurplePajamas]

My T is also psychodynamic and he discloses very little. I don't know anything really about his life- if he's married, has kids, pets, etc. He won't tell me ANYTHING. Honestly, it drives me crazy to talk to a "blank slate".

Originally Posted by PurplePajamas

My T is also psychodynamic and he discloses very little. I don't know anything really about his life- if he's married, has kids, pets, etc. He won't tell me ANYTHING. Honestly, it drives me crazy to talk to a "blank slate".

I tried a T like that once. I seriously learned a lot about myself. But long term/after the attachment developed? I don't think I could tolerate that.

Thinking about those who choose unavailable partners. I used to be like that, so the blank state approach, while it lasted, definitely helped me learn about myself. A T who is blank state has the same effect as a partner who is completely emotionally unavailable, incapable of intimacy (without treatment).

It's not usually appropriate for certain types of trauma patients, but others can really be helped from this approach, imo.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by PurplePajamas

My T is also psychodynamic and he discloses very little. I don't know anything really about his life- if he's married, has kids, pets, etc. He won't tell me ANYTHING. Honestly, it drives me crazy to talk to a "blank slate".

That must be very though, I don't think that I could tolerate a Therapist like that.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by Autumn Skies

Are you questioning it because of ethics? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? If you don't mind me asking, I'm wondering what prompted you to start the thread.

I appreciate my T's self-disclosure, all of it. The story I was told about that client committing suicide has kind of stuck with me though. It was something I had actually wondered about before but I never asked. I have had suicidal ideation issues, I don't talk about this much but it has been mentioned. I'm usually uncomfortable talking about it because I don't want to come off as attention seeking, and I don't want to burden anyone (although I have) with that kind of stuff when I have no real intention of going through with anything. It was just an odd session, and it just be me projecting, but I had a sense something awful had happened to my T that day and was concerned for him. Not sure how to explain it, but at the same time I had a real sense that he cared for me. I'm wondering a bit if he shared that story for a reason.

[feralkittymom]

Good and attuned Ts will pick up on thoughts or concerns you haven't directly addressed. Could be he related that story as a way to open the door and give you permission to voice your ideation--a way of demonstrating that it can be talked about and that he can take it.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Mine discloses much more than I would have expected before going into treatment. At times, I've been surprised.

Once we had to rearrange a telephone session because another client was in acute danger of domestic violence, and my T needed to travel over to that client's area to go to the police with her. I never would have thought she would tell me something like that, but I was glad she did. On a basic level, because it stopped me wondering if she was ok/ what had happened that meant we had to postpone. But also, it made me feel so warm towards her, that she was willing to take real action to help this client out in a tangible way. It made me feel comforted because it's further evidence of people in the world who go out of their way to help somebody in a vulnerable situation.

Other stuff she's disclosed about herself has been really helpful in relating to her as a person who has experienced life and a fair dollop of the **** that it brings. Seeing her robust and healthy now gives me courage to think that's possible for myself, to argue against the sneering little voice in my head that tells me I'm simply too damaged or lacking in a crucial way. A black slate T wouldn't work for me; I'd be widening the gap between them and me every time I divulged more stuff about myself, convincing myself they were much 'better' than me in some vague way I could never hope to understand.