[RTerroni]

As some of you may know I got into a minor beef with my last Therapist over knowing her age, since she didn't like it when people knew her age. However I am now starting to think that it can be a good part of the Therapy structure and determining who is right for you in certain circumstances. For instance I now believe that the reason why I didn't click with my last Therapist was because she was a few years younger than me and I now think that I need to see someone who is at least a few years older than me (I would say a minimum of 2 years older) but at the same time I think that it is good to have someone who is not significantly older than me because I don't think that I will feel as personal of a connection with them, I have some experience with this since I have had a job coach, disability lawyer, and even a former Family Therapist who were all at least 2 decades older than me and I did not feel a personal connection with any of them. I think that the maximum age cutoff is probably about 15 years older for me (I had a former Individual Therapist who was 11 years older than me and a former Group Therapist who was 13 years older and I clicked well with both of them). I mentioned this to the person on the phone who was setting me up with an intake appointment and she agreed that it can be very helpful, she told me on the phone that she was 50 (20 years older than me) and I told her right there that I didn't think she would be a good fit for me but she told me that most of the Therapists there are closer in age to me. So what do you people think.

[stopdog]

I asked the therapists I interviewed their age range during the initial phone call. They all answered at least the range and some gave a specific.

[critterlady]

As long as the therapist is mature and has a decent amount of experience, his or her age doesn't really matter to me. My current T is a few years older than I am. My previous T was probably about 10 years younger than I, although I never really pinned that down. It just didn't matter that much.

[Jdog123]

I really think it depends on the person. My T is 19 years older than me and my T 2 Ts ago was 20 years older and I totally connected with them. Both were young at heart and we shared a number of the same interests. Sometimes my current T surprises me with what music she likes (similar to my taste) and some of the things she knows. My T before this one was only 10 years older and I didn't feel so connected - and she took lots of opportunities to remind me that she was 'much' older. So, for me, it's all be in the personality of the person, particularly someone who can relate to people of different ages. I don't rule out anyone older until I meet them - younger or my age is out of the question as I want PhD with a good deal of experience.

[sweepy62]

My t is 27 yrs old way way younger than me but way knowledgeable .

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[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

My t is 27 yrs old way way younger than me but way knowledgeable .

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It all depends on the person, right now though I think I need someone at least a few years older but that can change.

I can say that being an early Gen Yer (aka Millennial) with most of my fellow Gen Yers younger than me, years down the road when I am say 40 I may want to meet with someone in their 30s (being from my own Generation). Right now I will say that most of the people from my Generation are either too inexperienced or still in school (either in College or even still in High School), so right now I will just have to settle for a Gen Xer, although 2 previous Therapists of mine were actually mid Gen Xers (born in 1970 and 1972) and as I stated above I got along with them very well.

I though that it was cool that my last Therapist was a fellow Gen Yer (born in 1987) but in the end she ended up being too inexperienced for me right now. I was born in 1983 if you haven't figured it out by now .

[growlycat]

I'm a mid Gen-Exer with a Baby Boomer T----25-30 yr difference yet I've never been more connected to anyone else. I'm deeply attached. Maybe you haven't found the right fit, but age may or may not be the reason.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I'm a mid Gen-Exer with a Baby Boomer T----25-30 yr difference yet I've never been more connected to anyone else. I'm deeply attached. Maybe you haven't found the right fit, but age may or may not be the reason.

I think it might be, my disability lawyer is a very early Baby Bomber (about 35 years older than me) and while I respect her for having taken my case for so long (through several appeals) I really don't feel any connection to her (I know that I could never see a Therapist as old as her).

[BlessedRhiannon]

I think it's different for every person. I know that I would probably not feel comfortable with someone younger than me and if the therapist is too close to my Mom's age, I struggle with that as well (speaking from experience there). I've found that I do best with a T who has a similar background to me (age, education, etc). I build a better connection with them. My current T is 10 years older than me, which is just about perfect. I never asked my T her age, but could figure it out based on her college graduation date, years in practice, etc.

[AllyIsHopeful]

My therapist is the same age as my mom...somewhere in her 40s. I find it to be incredibly therapeutic and nurturing for what I need at this point in life, as I have never had a relationship with my mom. (Or a good one anyway)
It depends on what you need and what your situation is. Everything in me wanted to choose a male therapist but I have no problem with men. I can't, however, get along with women! So this experience is very healing to me...


"You're stronger than you think."

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

I think it's different for every person. I know that I would probably not feel comfortable with someone younger than me and if the therapist is too close to my Mom's age, I struggle with that as well (speaking from experience there). I've found that I do best with a T who has a similar background to me (age, education, etc). I build a better connection with them. My current T is 10 years older than me, which is just about perfect. I never asked my T her age, but could figure it out based on her college graduation date, years in practice, etc.

That's exactly what I have done.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful

My therapist is the same age as my mom...somewhere in her 40s. I find it to be incredibly therapeutic and nurturing for what I need at this point in life, as I have never had a relationship with my mom. (Or a good one anyway)
It depends on what you need and what your situation is. Everything in me wanted to choose a male therapist but I have no problem with men. I can't, however, get along with women! So this experience is very healing to me...


"You're stronger than you think."

Interesting point of view. I have told myself that I do not want to see a Male Therapist because I don't get along well with men (even though I am one myself). I won't have to worry about that at the new practice I am about to be going to since they told me that everyone there is Female.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

Interesting point of view. I have told myself that I do not want to see a Male Therapist because I don't get along well with men (even though I am one myself). I won't have to worry about that at the new practice I am about to be going to since they told me that everyone there is Female.

Yeah and I'm female. lol That's good that you don't have to worry and sounds like that means there will be more options!

"You're stronger than you think."

[growlithing]

One of my T's is 35, the other is 29. I would guess my third T would be between 30 and 35.

But their literal age doesn't actually have as much impact as their presentation. I'm going to have to number them I guess... T1 who is the one I've been going on about on the boards recently, displays herself as very confident and skilled. My old T who I am getting back with soon isn't really too much younger age wise, but in terms of her presentation, she seems quite young. Much younger than 29. There was a period of time where I didn't want to know her age because I didn't want to learn that my therapist was 24. I had this mental idea of wanting a much older T and had I known upfront that she was 26 when we met, I don't know how that would affect us. I would probably write her off a lot. I'm glad I didn't know until we were much deeper into our work.

That being said, I still just naturally feel safer with old T's. That's probably part of the reason I clicked easier with T1.

And I know I probably made a lot of people feel ancient with this post and I'm sorry about that. To me, I see a 35 year old and I see someone who could be my mother if she had me at 15.

[reesecups]

Actually, until the past year or so, all my T's have been older than me and 2had almost maternal ways about them. Another T I had was older but never could really bond with her. Surprisingly, I always wanted a T around my age, definitely not a lot younger because I wanted to talk to someone who had gone through some similar life experiences.

But, for the first time, I have a T that appears maybe 15 years younger and she's the best one so far. I'm terrible at guessing ages. But probably in her mid-thirties and I'm 50. Very knowledgeable, and caring and has a lot of confidence in her ability to help. Which she does.

Medical doctors however, when they are very young, frankly, I don't know whether to tell them my problem or throw them over my shoulder and burp them! But at my age, I've had to accept that there's a lot of professionals out there that will never meet my ideal age criteria.

My T is about the same age as myself and is very experienced (16 years) She is also a supervisor to other therapists, I did have a CBT therapist who was in her last 20's I felt very attached to her,I think it depends on the T.

[Asiablue]

"Medical doctors however, when they are very young, frankly, I don't know whether to tell them my problem or throw them over my shoulder and burp them! "

hahahahhaa that made me laugh. I'm in my 30's and when I see jnr Dr's or even policemen these days i think to myself " when did they start employing foetuses?"

[RTerroni]

My Primary Care Doctor is fairly young but the more interesting thing is that he looks almost exactly like a good friend of mine (the psychical similarities are almost incredible).

[anilam]

My Ts 20yr older than me. I went with a male (have problems relating to them) and older just because at the time I was starting therapy (21) I couldn't find younger PhD. with experience. Yes, he could be my father but A) I don't think like that about older ppl and B) he doesn't treat me so. No problem there.

[rainboots87]

I'm in my mid 20s, and I've worked best with Ts 8-12 years older. They're young enough to be easily relatable, but old enough to have plenty of experience to deal with me effectively. Much older Ts tend to be mothery, and I hate that as I have mother issues. The one guy I worked with for a little bit was old, and his memory was just crap- so that's an issue too. As for the ones I worked with the longest (two specific Ts), they had no problem answering their age when I asked. I had an idea already though.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T is a year younger than me. I figured that out via searching different sites. My T knows that I know her age...she doesn't mind.

Ironically, I mind. It's confusing to view your T as a mother-figure when she's about your age! (I'm learning to just accept it).

All my past T's have been significantly older than me. They have also always been female (for good reasons). I thought I could avoid the whole attachment issue with a younger T...nope...didn't work out like I planned. Oh well, I still think she's awesome.

[ScrewedUpMe]

My T is 20 years older than me. In some ways it worked well as she has been a great role model and mother figure for me. On the other hand I struggle massively with attachment to her which would not have happened if she had not been old enough to be my mum. Having said that I have also worked with younger people and it really didn't work for me if they were close to my own age.

[RTerroni]

I think that attachment issues can really happen at any age.

My T's have been older than me (somewhat), yet basically in the same stage and place in life professionally and personally (marriage, kids about same age, etc.). I would not be at all comfortable with a very young therapist with minimal experience in the profession nor life experience that at least gives me some confidence that when I'm talking about dealing with my older teenaged sons, for instance, he has some clue what that entails through being in the trenches so to speak.

[UnderRugSwept]

I think what matters most is experience....as in, I know I need someone with a lot of experience to help me. And age certainly plays a large part in that.