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  #1  
Old Jan 09, 2014, 06:49 AM
someone321's Avatar
someone321 someone321 is offline
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Ufff, I did it. I was really afraid that he would terminate with me (Daeva once said that e.g. in NY recording someone without the permission is illegal - good that I am not in US). I recorded the last session without my T's knowledge - I knew that it was inappropriate and unethical but I did not record it because I wanted to hear his voice but to have a proof just in case. Today I told my T about it. He took it unexpectedly well. Of course I didn't just say: "T, I recorded the last session, it was wrong". Instead I described in details how I felt before the session and why I did it, he said that he understands why I did it and he's okay with it. Of course he thinks that recording without a knowledge/permission is not okay (I think I said it hundreds times today that it was really wrong) but he's okay with it as I told him the reason. He also said that of course he would prefer if I told him before the session that I'd like to record it but then he realized that then I would not have to record it at all and he said that it was not so bad choice to record the session because probably I wouldn't tell him things which I told without the safety feeling due to the recording. My reason of recording was that I wanted to tell him something which could make him very angry so I was afraid that he would use his power against me and no one would believe me. He actually was surprised that I deleted it because he said that I could use it as a confirmation that he's not like my abusers and even if/when I provoked him last time, he did not hurt me so I could listen to it every time I was doubting in him I thought about it as well but I decided that my feeling that it was inappropriate was much stronger than the need of keeping the recording...

Actually maybe my T is not so bad...
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Aloneandafraid, healingme4me, rainbow8, unaluna, Wren_
Thanks for this!
Aloneandafraid, rainbow8, unlockingsanity, Wren_

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  #2  
Old Jan 09, 2014, 07:47 AM
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Raging Quiet Raging Quiet is offline
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I'm glad it went better than you expected
  #3  
Old Jan 10, 2014, 11:20 PM
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CantExplain CantExplain is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2011
Location: New Zealand
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Are you going to keep recording?
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  #4  
Old Jan 11, 2014, 04:13 AM
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someone321 someone321 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Dec 2013
Location: Europe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CantExplain View Post
Are you going to keep recording?
I don't think so... Maybe once I'll ask him for his permission to record one session just to hear his voice when I need it but I am not sure about it... And if he starts behaving unethically, like abusing me in any kind, then I think I might record him if I felt in a real danger... But I hope that it will never happen...
Thanks for this!
CantExplain
  #5  
Old Jan 11, 2014, 05:14 AM
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Canyon Canyon is offline
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Location: Narnia
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It does sound like you have a really cool T.

I also don't think that you have to worry about him behaving unethically now, even if he was unethical.
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Thanks for this!
someone321
  #6  
Old Jan 11, 2014, 07:02 AM
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someone321 someone321 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Dec 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,142
Quote:
Originally Posted by Canyon View Post
It does sound like you have a really cool T.

I also don't think that you have to worry about him behaving unethically now, even if he was unethical.
He wasn't unethical, it was just in case, to be on the safe side...
  #7  
Old Jan 11, 2014, 08:19 AM
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Freewilled Freewilled is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: US
Posts: 1,708
Quote:
Originally Posted by someone321 View Post
He wasn't unethical, it was just in case, to be on the safe side...
I think what you did shows that you know how to take care of yourself and was really creative. I wouldn't have thought to do that because, although I have similar fears, my mind freezes in response. I also think it was super brave for you to tell your T and that he responded well. Sounds like you are doing great work
Thanks for this!
someone321
  #8  
Old Jan 11, 2014, 09:10 AM
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someone321 someone321 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Dec 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,142
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freewilled View Post
I think what you did shows that you know how to take care of yourself and was really creative. I wouldn't have thought to do that because, although I have similar fears, my mind freezes in response. I also think it was super brave for you to tell your T and that he responded well. Sounds like you are doing great work
Thank you, your post means a lot to me, maybe I should print it and read whenever I feel bad I knew that I would be paralyzed if he ever wanted to hurt me and I wouldn't be able to do or say anything. Thus, as I couldn't prevent anything, I just wanted to protect myself as well as I could, even if my fear was irrational... Thank you for understanding...
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