[Leah123]

I have been doing intense therapy for the past 10 months, two sessions a week and basically daily email sessions. I've loved it, mostly, except that the emotional intensity can be difficult to bear, being so open all the time. Overall, it works for me though.

Trouble is, I've been paying out of pocket, overspending, and am now in debt from this. I need to change that habit going forward. I've been averaging perhaps seven hours a week expense-wise between the sessions and emails, and need to cut to 2, possibly 3 hours worth, maximum.

My therapist would work with me feewise if I convinced her I needed the help, but I'm not going to do that because I am not in true need. I feel my issues are serious, but I function well enough and I work full time, so there's no financial emergencies or any reason to ask for assistance, I'm clear on that part.

I'm not sure what my question is, I think I'm just trying to accept this new reality. I've tried to cut back before, but seems like new issues always come up. The thing is, as tough and painful as my issues are, they're not emergency-level, so I need to frankly just manage the financial aspect better.

My therapist has said I could just do daily email check ins, and those cost less, but.. I seem to have a really hard time working with just a set 50 minute session, we usually take more like 2 hours, like double sessions. What I can probably afford is 2 one-hour sessions and two emails. Gosh I HATE not being rich!!!

We did just start working on DBT for emotional regulation, maybe that will help me balance better?

Any ideas on how to wean myself?

I'm thinking this has to be a New Year's resolution, but we all know how badly those can go.

Anyone else out there dealt with cutting back?

I am feeling so clingy lately, my marriage is in some jeopardy right now, so I think I'm leaning extra hard on my therapist.

I have been starting to try other coping methods: I made a walking buddy friend I try to meet with weekly, I've started a list of good distractions, ways to help other people, so I spend time constructively, and I work 60 hours a week, with full time college, so... after this Christmas break is done, I'll probably be swamped anyway.

I've just not had such a close relationship with anyone so supportive in like 20 years, and I'm loathe to pare back. I also seem to have a hard time fitting everything into 50 minutes, whereas 2 hours is perfect for me.

P.S. Now that I think about it, I don't think she charges for brief emails between sessions, so I could probably pay for 2 hours, 1 paid email session maybe and maybe a brief check in/progress report.

[LolaCabanna]

Leah , I get this.... I was going twice a week and emailing all the time and emergency phone calls .... it was like I was emotionally addicted to therapy and T. I moved so it all had to stop, but I am happy to report that things for me over all have improved as I was able to get out of my therapy head and into my life more. I started to rely on my W more and it improved things as well. Im still not better and still have my dark moments, but the break from trying to force me to fix me quickly is proving to be therapeutic in and of itself. I too am going to start DBT and I'm hoping the skills will replace the crutch of having my T, now xT at my fingertips.

[Leah123]

Thanks! I really appreciate knowing you can relate. I actually just emailed her about this- about the need for me to take a more balanced approach in the New Year and about depending on her so much. She does not mind, and I think it's good for me to experience that type of caring, but I do see potential for the other benefits too, even if they don't feel as good as being able to rely on her so much. Having someone to rely on has been a huge sign of progress for me, actually, so, it's a blessing, but an expensive one, and there will be benefits to paring back, I'm sure.

I think the DBT may help. I just started and it seems very promising.

Thank you.

I get this too and the intensity argghhh, its painful but somewhere along the way you will know yourself when you need to go less frequently. Its almost like and addiction at first, wanting to go everyday sometimes but then once you start to progress the need to see t decreases.
You know you are blaming yourself for this- for getting the help you need and getting into debt but it is a ts responsiblity to consider your need for therapy and it you can afford it. I dont know about your country but here you can only go once a week because it is unethical for a t to charge you so much and they would get in serious trouble if they were found to be taking advantage of a client. I am not ssaying this is what is happening with you but maybe your t should consider the ethical side of things.

[Gavinandnikki]

It took me 2 years to wean down from 4x/week analysis to termination. My T felt I needed to continue at 3x/week.

It was very, very difficult to get to the point where I could say goodbye. But I am not flying solo as my T is firmly implanted in my brain and soul as co-pilot.

It is hard to not physically see someone that I love so very much.

[rainbow8]

I understand how hard cutting down therapy can be. I've seen my current T for almost 4 years, and my sessions have always been 90 minutes. I saw Ts before her, for 50 or 60 minutes, and I always felt rushed. I never felt or feel that way with my current T.

Starting in January, I will be seeing her twice a month for 60 minutes instead of 90. I know it will be a big adjustment for me, and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the reduced hours. This is a permanent reduction, and will probably progress to once/month before I fully terminate therapy. I have to do this for financial reasons, but it also may be that I've had too much therapy, as your title says.

I don't have any advice for you, but just wanted you to know you're not the only one going through this. I'm very attached to my T, so it's going to be difficult.

I forgot to say that I've been doing DBT and it's helpful, so I'm glad you're learning it.

[Leah123]

Thanks everyone. Yes, I'm struggling to figure out how I'll have enough time to process things in 50 or 60 minutes instead of 120, sigh.

I'll just have to try and do more prep work before session, I guess, it's usually very helpful for me to have time to "settle in" with her present, but... perhaps I can help myself, at least part way, with other ways of grounding and calming down before session, and just write to myself. I used to write a lot and give it to her in session sometimes, these days I write directly to her, more real time, so I'll just have to change that back.

Maybe if I take a little time off work before instead of jumping from work into session too, I can get to that stage of being ready for deep work better without her. It's a lot cheaper to take a whole hour off work than do an hour of therapy, that's for sure.

I feel like I've been really unraveling before her eyes lately, with my marriage issues, I'm pretty much constantly in freak-out mode the last month or so, sigh. She says it's good to let me help her, but... I hate to impose so much and feel so unsure of myself. Maybe cutting back will help with that concern anyway. 2 hours a week and one email session shouldn't be so horrible, hopefully once I force myself into that habit, I'll adjust well. I totally can not at all afford what I'm spending now.

I wish my insurance would cover her but it won't:, as it is, am hoping for a tiny tax refund anyway to at least slightly offset all the bills, therapy can be written off as a medical expense, so... at least there's that, though it's not much of a kick back, better than nothing I guess.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I get this too and the intensity argghhh, its painful but somewhere along the way you will know yourself when you need to go less frequently. Its almost like and addiction at first, wanting to go everyday sometimes but then once you start to progress the need to see t decreases.
You know you are blaming yourself for this- for getting the help you need and getting into debt but it is a ts responsiblity to consider your need for therapy and it you can afford it. I dont know about your country but here you can only go once a week because it is unethical for a t to charge you so much and they would get in serious trouble if they were found to be taking advantage of a client. I am not ssaying this is what is happening with you but maybe your t should consider the ethical side of things.

Thanks for that perspective. I don't think she's taking advantage of me. She's very sincere and takes her work extremely seriously as best as I can tell. We've often talked about ethics before.

One of my main issues is to have someone to rely on, to trust, to not be 95% self-reliant, so, I believe by being there for me as much as she can, she's trying to give me a reparative relationship to help me work through the things that caused me to pretty much not trust anyone to be there for me, along with other things.

She has told me that she would see me even if I could not afford her fees, she said "of course" she would, that she's committed to me. I can afford to see her, and I have no right to ask for a reduced fee, it's just I can't afford to see her as often- it's sad to me, unfortunate, but it's not like I'll die without her, sigh, I'll just miss being in touch so much.

[Perna]

I wrote a lot of letters to my T and would mail them to her office (rather than email) and I decided to stop all contact except for during my sessions. That changed my life. Forcing myself to be "present" with a person and talk to them then as I wouldn't get another chance until the next time I saw them, made a big difference.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by Perna

I wrote a lot of letters to my T and would mail them to her office (rather than email) and I decided to stop all contact except for during my sessions. That changed my life. Forcing myself to be "present" with a person and talk to them then as I wouldn't get another chance until the next time I saw them, made a big difference.

Thank you. I think it will help me focus a bit better to write the letters to myself and take time to settle before sessions on my own, because yes, I need to be more present and ready to work on my issues in an hour than in two.

Forcing myself doesn't work for me though. I had a tough, unproductive couple years of therapy when I was younger trying to always force myself to be present. That just makes me dissociate more, get more afraid, more stuck, more frustrated. I'm going to need to work on just needing less transition time in session, bit of a challenge for me.

[Rzay4]

I'm actually in the opposite boat increasing my therapy time. I am set to get a new T mid Jan in which I'll see 2-3 times a week compared to once every three weeks.

What's your guys thoughts on this? I'm scared have lots of trauma to work through especially incest.

[reesecups]

If you cut down, what about journalling what's going on with you. Sometimes it can even help you figure out the answer. I also make notes as to what I want to talk to my T about and prioritize what is most important to me. Seems to help.

[Leah123]

Thanks for the ideas, yes, I do find writing helpful!

I'm just stressed now because I'd already needed to cut back, but this week she let me know she needed to raise her rates, also let me know her phone session policy was no more than one hour per session. Those changes really triggered my fear of losing her, I've had a horrendous time with it, am so sad and stressed about having to cut back so much, but I think I'm doing a good job of making the best of it and maximizing the time I do have.

(She is a good therapist though, she did tell me she would make it work with me financially if I couldn't afford the new rates, it's just... I'm not going to ask her not to raise them, I just have to cut back more and try not to go bankrupt!)