Talking in therapy

Flyawayblue · Jan 11, 2014 at 03:27 PM

How can a T get a client to talk in therapy? My daughter refuses to talk and for the whole session sits in silence with her T.

wotchermuggle · Jan 11, 2014 at 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flyawayblue

How can a T get a client to talk in therapy? My daughter refuses to talk and for the whole session sits in silence with her T.

Is she a child? A teen? Your therapist should be able to figure it out, since it's her job, but what about games? What is her favourite music? If I were the therapist, I'd try to find some common ground or show an interest in something the client likes to sort of build that bridge between the gap.

HealingTimes · Jan 11, 2014 at 03:37 PM

I would suggest that you leave this up to your daughters T. Silence can tell a T a million more things than talking ever could.

This is really not something that YOU should be concerned with, it's the T's job.

Flyawayblue · Jan 11, 2014 at 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

Is she a child? A teen? Your therapist should be able to figure it out, since it's her job, but what about games? What is her favourite music? If I were the therapist, I'd try to find some common ground or show an interest in something the client likes to sort of build that bridge between the gap.

She is a teen. Currently a senior in high school. She's done this before with other therpaists. She just sits there, listens to music ,read a book, walks out, or does hw. I just want to try and help her. I feel like my money is being wasted.

Flyawayblue · Jan 11, 2014 at 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

I would suggest that you leave this up to your daughters T. Silence can tell a T a million more things than talking ever could.

This is really not something that YOU should be concerned with, it's the T's job.

I know. But I am worried for my daughter. I want the her T to help her but how can her T help her when she doesn't talk?

healingme4me · Jan 11, 2014 at 04:11 PM

Is she having troubles, in school? It's clear you are on board, what does she express to you, about hesitancy to open up?

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Leah123 · Jan 11, 2014 at 04:11 PM

I wonder if you or the T have offered non-verbal communication options like art therapy, sand tray, sharing songs that convey her mood/experience, or even something fun like passing notes back and forth a bit.

Flyawayblue · Jan 11, 2014 at 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Is she having troubles, in school? It's clear you are on board, what does she express to you, about hesitancy to open up?

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No. My daughter does amazing in school. She is an honor roll student and currently has a 4.4gpa. She doesn't really ”talk” to me. The main reason why I wanted her to get help is because of her mother. My wife died 8years ago and my daughter thinks she is alive and left her.

Flyawayblue · Jan 11, 2014 at 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leah123

I wonder if you or the T have offered non-verbal communication options like art therapy, sand tray, sharing songs that convey her mood/experience, or even something fun like passing notes back and forth a bit.

My D doesn't want to partcipate in anything with her T. T offered her to do art or write notes. My D still sits in silence doing nothing.

rothfan6 · Jan 11, 2014 at 05:51 PM

The T can't make her talk or participate. You could try to wait her out and maybe she will but it's up to her. She's not going to until she's ready. I very much understand her response. Could you let her pick the therapist? Give her a timeframe or set a date to pick one by. It's gives her some input and less like being pushed to do it. My parents pulled something similar on me when I was a teenager.

Tangerine87 · Jan 11, 2014 at 11:23 PM

I agree with rothfan6. Give her a choice in picking a therapist and maybe she'll put more effort but ultimately its up to her.

SoupDragon · Jan 12, 2014 at 02:18 AM

How does she get to the sessions? Does she have to be dragged there? It took me a few years to be able b feel relaxed enough to even start to talk to my T. Maybe at the moment it is an achievement that she even goes to the sessions. It may feel so difficult for her that she needs her music etc to help her. l am not sure whether the T is male or female, but although of course l am not a T, l could imagine having a female T may potentially very triggering, not necessarily a bad thing, but l could see how trust / abandonment could be an issue.

It's great that you are trying to help her in this way. Soup

Jan 12, 2014 at 05:17 AM

It could be a number of things, Like Soup mentioned trust? It can take some time to get to know a T...My daughter was in therapy too and wouldn't say a word to her T, She has ASD and selective Mutism. How long has your daughter been seeing her T?
Have you asked your daughter if she likes her T?
You sound like a good father.

Favorite Jeans · Jan 12, 2014 at 05:45 AM

Of course it's easy for me to say, but don't worry about "wasting" money. We can't always know what's useful in therapy except in hindsight. I think a T who is willing to sit with her and accept her in all her defiant silence could be giving her something invaluable. There might be a lot going in her head in those silent hours.

I also agree with the idea of letting her choose a T (or have input into it). Also, do you go to therapy with her at all? It might be helpful to have some sessions together (maybe with a different T though). At very least she'll be hearing how much you care. I read somewhere that parenting is the very definition of playing the long game. The impact of your loving, gentle persistence may not be evident now but that doesn't mean it's wasted.

Flyawayblue · Jan 12, 2014 at 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

How does she get to the sessions? Does she have to be dragged there? It took me a few years to be able b feel relaxed enough to even start to talk to my T. Maybe at the moment it is an achievement that she even goes to the sessions. It may feel so difficult for her that she needs her music etc to help her. l am not sure whether the T is male or female, but although of course l am not a T, l could imagine having a female T may potentially very triggering, not necessarily a bad thing, but l could see how trust / abandonment could be an issue.

It's great that you are trying to help her in this way. Soup

Thanks Soup. My D hates going to therapy. Yes it is an accomplishment that she even goes. She has stated she hates women and women therapists in the past so she got a man therapist. She said she hated him too. Her current T is female. I thought that would be better for her.

Flyawayblue · Jan 12, 2014 at 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Of course it's easy for me to say, but don't worry about "wasting" money. We can't always know what's useful in therapy except in hindsight. I think a T who is willing to sit with her and accept her in all her defiant silence could be giving her something invaluable. There might be a lot going in her head in those silent hours.

I also agree with the idea of letting her choose a T (or have input into it). Also, do you go to therapy with her at all? It might be helpful to have some sessions together (maybe with a different T though). At very least she'll be hearing how much you care. I read somewhere that parenting is the very definition of playing the long game. The impact of your loving, gentle persistence may not be evident now but that doesn't mean it's wasted.

I gave her the choice in the beginning but she said she doesn't want to see anyone. I did attend the first session with her. She knows I love and care about her and that's why I want her to get help. She still doesn't talk.

Asiablue · Jan 12, 2014 at 11:49 AM

Have you considered art therapy for her? A lot can be communicated via pictures. And she wouldn't need to talk.

Edit- sorry just realised someone else asked you this.

Jan 12, 2014 at 11:51 AM

It's possible she doesn't talk to maintain the illusion that her mother hasn't died. Talking about it would threaten her denial. It's still too painful for her to acknowledge.

It's preventing her from grieving, but maybe she will talk when she's ready. I'm not sure how a therapist would handle this. I have no idea what to tell you. Sorry, it is very sad, and I would be concerned the same as you.

Auntie2014 · Jan 12, 2014 at 12:32 PM

So what does T say about her not talking?

You say she does well in school. If T would give her an assignment would she do it? I have had periods when I just could not talk. T gave me assignments that were simple things like writing down a list of 10 things I want to do in the next month or write two pages on your favorite cookbook

She usually had three or four things I could choose from so I had some control in making the decision. At the next session if I still could not talk she would read the assignment and make non judgmental IMHO comments about the assignment. In my case, after 3 or 4 assignments T would throw in something that she knew she could push my buttons about. Even if I could not get the words out of my mouth I could get them down on paper.

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Flyawayblue Member Member Since Dec 2013 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Posts: 107 10 39 hugs given	Jan 11, 2014 at 03:27 PM #1 How can a T get a client to talk in therapy? My daughter refuses to talk and for the whole session sits in silence with her T.
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HealingTimes Magnate Member Since Mar 2013 Location: England Posts: 2,087 11 560 hugs given	Jan 11, 2014 at 03:37 PM #3 I would suggest that you leave this up to your daughters T. Silence can tell a T a million more things than talking ever could. This is really not something that YOU should be concerned with, it's the T's job. __________________ “Change, like healing, takes time.”. Veronica Roth, Allegiant
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healingme4me Perpetually Pondering Community Liaison Member Since Apr 2013 Location: New England Posts: 46,298 (SuperPoster!) 11 4,168 hugs given	Jan 11, 2014 at 04:11 PM #6 Is she having troubles, in school? It's clear you are on board, what does she express to you, about hesitancy to open up? Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2
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Leah123 Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Washington Posts: 3,593 11 1,759 hugs given	Jan 11, 2014 at 04:11 PM #7 I wonder if you or the T have offered non-verbal communication options like art therapy, sand tray, sharing songs that convey her mood/experience, or even something fun like passing notes back and forth a bit.
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Tangerine87 Member Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 437 11 10 hugs given	Jan 11, 2014 at 11:23 PM #11 I agree with rothfan6. Give her a choice in picking a therapist and maybe she'll put more effort but ultimately its up to her.
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Anonymous100114 Guest Posts: n/a	Jan 12, 2014 at 05:17 AM #13 It could be a number of things, Like Soup mentioned trust? It can take some time to get to know a T...My daughter was in therapy too and wouldn't say a word to her T, She has ASD and selective Mutism. How long has your daughter been seeing her T? Have you asked your daughter if she likes her T? You sound like a good father.
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Asiablue Grand Magnate Member Since Apr 2011 Location: in her own dark fairytale Posts: 3,086 13 435 hugs given	Jan 12, 2014 at 11:49 AM #17 Have you considered art therapy for her? A lot can be communicated via pictures. And she wouldn't need to talk. Edit- sorry just realised someone else asked you this. __________________ INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)%
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