[rainbow8]

I was worried about how it would go today, after not seeing my T for 2 weeks. It went better than I thought, though I spent the first 18 minutes doing what I didn't want to do, but felt I HAD to do. I asked T about her trip, told her about a couple of things I wanted to, and showed her my artwork. After that, she asked if I wanted to do SE, and asked me to go inside and tell her how I felt. My face was warm, my heart felt like it was racing, and I didn't feel calm. I said I wanted to start over! I felt like I wasn't even there. She asked if I wanted her to remind me next time that I didn't want to start like that, and I said "yes".

So, she had me look around the room, slow down, and go inside again to see what I wanted to talk about. I had decided at home that I'd talk about feeling like a failure because I never had a career even though I have a master's degree. We did SE about that and it was helpful. She told me that I wasn't a failure in my life just because one part--making money, didn't happen.

She thinks I can sell my art, but of course I say I can't. So she reminded me that I said I can't plan the trip, either. But I did! So, stuff to think about. We talked about needing validation for myself and my artwork and what I can do about that. She still is encouraging me to find an art class, and told me that some offer scholarships if I can't pay the fees.

I was afraid to ask how long she is going to let me pay the reduced price and see her twice a month, but I did. She said there doesn't have to be an end, at least right now. I can go past March! We agreed that if I'm progressing and "living my life", it's okay to continue therapy without a termination date at all! That is a huge relief to me! Maybe I CAN end therapy when I feel ready. Maybe this therapy will work better than any other because I don't have to quit yet, and I can resolve the attachment to my T after all!! We both think the SE is valuable for me.

At the end of the session, I said I wanted to know that she cares about me. Just to hear her say it, so she said "I care about you very, very much."

I think I can go 2 weeks now, and feel that "quiet stillness" again.

[Wren_]

(((Rain))) lots of positive things from your session ... I agree with your T about selling your artwork and taking classes if you can find some and the trip is good proof that you can do more than you think you can do glad she gave you reassurance as well

[RTerroni]

Good to hear

[sweepy62]

im very happy for you rainbow, sending you hugs

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

(((Rain))) lots of positive things from your session ... I agree with your T about selling your artwork and taking classes if you can find some and the trip is good proof that you can do more than you think you can do glad she gave you reassurance as well

Thank you for your kind words, tg. My T has a lot of faith in me. If only I can have that faith in myself too!

Originally Posted by RTerroni

Good to hear

Thank you. Again, good luck tomorrow!

Originally Posted by sweepy62

im very happy for you rainbow, sending you hugs

Thank you, sweepy.

One more thing I want to remember about my session. At one point T stopped and said "see, you just did it again" because I interrupted her. She said "I don't think you wanted to hear what I had to say." I actually was thinking about remembering to take my paintings home, and not listening to her so well. I'm glad she is telling me when I interrupt like that, as I'm not conscious of how annoying it is to others, except my H tells me all the time how much I interrupt, and I asked my T to point it out to me in the sessions.

[Aloneandafraid]

Thank you for sharing Rainbow. Your session sounds really positive. I am so happy for you and can feel the relief in your post re. going beyond March. She sounds amazing. I would LOVE to hear my T say she cares very much for me. That would mean so much. Well done - you are doing great. xxx

Glad to hear this rainbow, Just curious what is SE?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

Thank you for sharing Rainbow. Your session sounds really positive. I am so happy for you and can feel the relief in your post re. going beyond March. She sounds amazing. I would LOVE to hear my T say she cares very much for me. That would mean so much. Well done - you are doing great. xxx

Thank you. Many Ts will NOT tell their clients how they feel about them even if they do like them. I don't want you to feel like your T is the only one. I don't think my former Ts told me directly the way this T does. None of them hugged me, either. My most recent former T told me, after I asked if she liked me "You have some likable qualities." Now, to me, that was psychobabble because she was taught not to answer me, or else, she didn't really like me and didn't know what to say. Either way, I didn't like her reply. My current T is different. I think it's partly her personality (open, laidback, casual) and partly her training (mind/body therapy; Internal Family Systems, EMDR, and Somatic Experiencing, and meditation). If you really need a different kind of T, you can find one.

Originally Posted by Mittens.

Glad to hear this rainbow, Just curious what is SE?

SE stands for Somatic Experiencing, which is a method of therapy discovered by Peter Levine. One of his books is "Waking the Tiger", and is about how animals in the wild react after a trauma. They shake themselves vigorously, and then they are all right. That's a very brief summary of SE!

What my T does is ask me where I feel something in my body, (it doesn't matter what the subject is-anxiety, or a trigger, or how I feel right there in the room with her) and she wants me to describe the physical sensations, not the emotional ones. It's hard! Usually, I feel tension in my chest and stomach, and I breathe faster, and my heart rate is higher. Then T will ask if there's a part that feels calm, like my legs, and she asks me to switch from thinking about my legs to my stomach, for example. Sometimes that works a little.

Yesterday, she wanted me to experience the feelings of failure in my body for longer. It felt like when we used to do EMDR. She has said that SE is like EMDR, but is better for me. When we release the physical sensations, it's a way to release past trauma. The fight, freeze, flee responses are important in SE too. Sometimes T comments on my fidgeting when I get anxious, and has me move my hands very slowly on the couch, to mimic what I was doing. Or if my feet seem fidgety, to move them around more.

I've always been too much in my head; the SE is a way to get to know how my body reacts to my feelings, and to work with it, to calm it down.

I hope I answered your question about what SE is! There's a lot more to it than I've written, and T let me borrow a tape and book with exercises for healing trauma using those methods.