Transferring your Therapeutic Relationship to a new friend?

I would really appreciate it if anyone could help me out with a question.

I was wondering, how can you transfer your relationship with your T onto someone else? My therapist will be leaving his practice in a few months.

I'm not looking to transfer to another therapist, but was hoping I can transfer my trust and relationship to someone in regular life.

I currently have one best friend. She is my best friend by default, since she is the only person I am in close contact with, but it's not that healthy since she pretty much mirrors the faulty relationship I have with my mom.

How do you go about doing this? How do you make new friends? I come from a small community. Any thoughts would be really appreciated.

This is a tough question. Friendship and therapy are not at all the same, so to find in a friend what you have in your T is unlikely. Its not unlikely that you can make friends, that Im sure you can do, even if its a little challenging. Would you consider joining activities that revolve around an interest of yours? Do they have meet up groups in your area? That is one way to meet new people. Do you work or go to school? If so are those places that offer the opportunity for friendship.

Once you've connected with someone via a shared interest, it is easier to open up emotionally. Just remember that close friendship is a give and take relationship, while therapy is not. No matter how much we as clients care for and feel even feel love for our T, it is not the same kind experienced in an authentic friendship. A therapist is there to tend to your emotional needs and gets paid in return. A friend on the other hand is there for you, abd you are there for them. We dont have friends to unload our stress and out problems on,and if we did those friends wouldnt stick around for long.

So while I think it is great that you want to reach out and meet a friebd , especially a best friend, I think its important to know what you are looking for and what your expectations are. If they exceed the limits of true friendship, then maybe another t is what would be best. Is there a reason you don't want a new t?

Bad idea. A friend can't be your therapist because 1) they aren't professionally trained 2) if they were professionally trained, that would kinda be like shoplifting 3) it's emotionally draining on your friend 4) if you use one of your friends as a therapist, you'll probably experience transference or attachment problems that your friend won't be able to recognize or deal with and 5) it wouldn't be a balanced relationship

I think a question to ask yourself is whether or not your "work" is done? If so, you won't need a friend to inappropriately fill emotional needs. If not, then you need to think about finding another T or another way to continue your work.

Maybe I was a little unclear.

I'm not looking for someone to replace my therapist. I'm not looking for a friend to be a therapist. Nor am I looking for a therapist to be my friend.

I'm looking to build meaningful relationships are built on trust. I am looking to gain a friendship with someone I can trust, I can be real with, and someone who I can be there for them as well.

I don't think the work will ever be finished for me in therapy. At some point I need to get on with my life and not merely surviving from session to session.

Thank you for your suggestions.

I don't want to replace my therapist because I don't want to have to re tell my story over again. And no one can replace him and so I think it's just easier not to switch to a different one.

I u ,understand that and have felt that way before too. To "transfer the therapeutic relationship to someone else" is not the same thing as making a close friend, that is why you are getting responses about replacing your t with a friend. That is what your statement implies because you can't transfer those feelings to someone else. They were created in therapy and that kind of trust and relationship is specific to therapy.

So to have a similar relationship with a friend is possible, you just have to put forth the effort and not have the expecations youd have for a therapist.

I'm still in therapy and I came to realise just how superficial my RL RS are. Like you I'd like to be more open/real with my "friends" (acquaintances really) and IDK how... Little by little, start with the small stuff and choose very carefully whom to trust these are some of my Ts suggestions. Easier said than done though. :/

In my opinion, a real friendship like that takes a long time to build and the key to having it is the way you handle disappointment and the inevitable hurts that arise from any intimate relationship with another human being.

As the saying goes, it's rough out there. Your therapist was there only for you. Although not perfect, they put your needs first within the context of the relationship. Any misunderstandings could be worked through.

Relationships outside of therapy aren't like that, and they largely depend on your ability to trust, get hurt (sometimes badly) but trust, love, and share, anyway - if you want to keep the relationship.

I think that strength is the key.

^

Good friendships are made, not found. We enlarge our circle of acquaintances by living our lives: engaging our interests, pursuing our goals, enriching our own lives. Out of that pool of acquaintances, will come friends, some potentially closer than others. If we're lucky and open to the risk of new experiences, we'll be in a position to recognize those with whom we resonate. And then comes the lengthy process of developing a connection and slow sharing and building of trust.

Therapy demands introspection; relationship demands looking outward.

I do not believe you can "transfer" relationships. You learn in a relationship with a T and then you are better able to do those things you learn with another person, adapting according to that relationship. One-on-one is truly one-on-one; there's no such thing as interacting with more than one person at a time or exchanging relationship or whatever because the "pieces" are not the same. The other person is not your therapist, has a different personality, background, experiences, problems, etc. and you are not even the same with your therapist as you are with your friend, etc. The only constant in your relationships is "You" so you have to learn to start with you and build relationships from your own center, not hope you can get another person to be a certain way/change, etc. so you will like/get from them more.

Sorry to hear your T will be leaving practice soon. It's a good idea to invest in friendships, old and new, and to get your relational needs met in that kind of context. Just be aware that this doesn't mean transferring the relationship you had with your T onto a friend. Just like your therapist is not meant to be your friend even if s/he acts friendly, same goes the other way around: friends are not there to be your therapists even if they may occasionally help you get through tough times. My suggestion is just to enjoy each relationship for what it is, in its uniqueness and with its specific role in your life.