[Seeker30]

Maybe I'm reading to much into this but I don't get it. I've had about a dozen sessions with this new therapist and every one of them he casually brings up his girlfriend out of the blue. Like I told him I'm uncomfortable in big crowds and he'll respond with 'my girlfriend is the same way', another time I told him I havent been in a relationship in quite a while and he proceeded to tell me how much he cared for his girlfriend. This has happened EVERY session.

The first few times I didnt think much of it, but after it continued during each session I started wondering why is he doing this? I almost get the feeling he is trying to send me the message 'do not become romantically interested in me', but the truth is I do not feel that way, have never asked him anything about his personal life and have never contacted him outside of therapy. Nor do I flirt or anything of that nature. Anyone have any theories about this or am I just thinking to much about it?

[krisakira]

Perhaps he is practicing the skill of "self disclosure." There are reasons for it, maybe you should ask.

[unlockingsanity]

Is he a younger, less experienced T? Maybe he doesn't realize he's doing it. Have you mentioned it to him?

[Seeker30]

Originally Posted by krisakira

Perhaps he is practicing the skill of "self disclosure." There are reasons for it, maybe you should ask.

Not sure about practicing self disclosure since he's been in practice over 20 years but you never know I guess. I do plan on asking, just not sure whether he will tell me the real reason.

[RTerroni]

Reminds me of when my job coach (who is over 2 decades older than me) kept bringing up her Husband to me.

[A Red Panda]

My T mentions his wife and little girl quite a bit. It's always done to explain something about him. Like he was telling me about how paranoid he was when his girl was first born - paranoid about safety and all sorts of things. His wife basically told him to knock that s*** out and he hadn't realized he was doing that until she told him off for it. He was telling me that as an example of how people are anxious for a reason, and that it shows you care.

Is there a chance that your T is doing something similar?

[Trippin2.0]

In my experience usually this behaviour in people means he thinks about her a lot.
Me thinks he's just plain ole inlove and his brain jumps at every chance to reference her.

[Favorite Jeans]

Maybe having a girlfriend makes him feel cool? Maybe he's afraid people think he's gay? (And maybe he is and he's closeted?) Maybe he thinks having a girlfriend gives him relationship cred? Whatever the reason, I think it's odd to mention her every session and it would bug me. I don't see what you gain from his disclosure that his girlfriend is uncomfortable in crowds. I don't see the benefit to you in his bringing the conversation back to himself so often.

[tooski]

It sounds to me like he's doing the empathy thing and working on relationship building. You said you're uncomfortable in crowds. Maybe he isn't himself, but his g/f is, so he's putting it out there as a way of saying that it's not uncommon to feel that way and he understands. Maybe because he's male and you're female, it makes more sense to show empathy through his g/f rather than himself. Or maybe he's had a bad experience with a client becoming romantically interested in him and you're gut feeling is right - he's making sure you know that he's involved with someone. Who knows? There could be lots of reasons.

Why does it bother you that he has brought her up at least once in a dozen sessions? Not saying there's anything wrong with it -- at all -- but it might be worth looking at. My T self-discloses a lot as part of r/s building - mostly about himself, but sometimes about other people he knows, including his wife. All as a way of showing empathy with me.

If it continues to happen and to bother you, you might want to bring it up. The stuff that's hard to talk about is often where some work needs to be done. Good luck!

[Lauliza]

He's attempting self disclosure but not doing it very well. It's not like he's crossing a boundary but it's just too personal to be useful. Most Ts would say "other people" in place of "my girlfriend" because it does make people uncomfortable. It's something a friend might say to show empathy but not a professional T. It takes the focus off you.

I think it's interesting how differently people react, and that for some people this could be a useful technique to employ. If my T would mention anything about his relationship I would hate it, and I'd be disappointed in him. (I don't know if he is in a r/s though I assume he has been at some point, if he isn't now.) I don't understand how saying "Look how successful I am and how broken you are" or "My relationship problems are worse than yours" could ever be empathetic, from a friend or a T, but maybe that's just me.

I'm just mentioning this to illustrate that different clients have different reactions, and your reactions are valid - if you react or feel less than comfortable when your T does this at every single session, then that is how you feel, and it is an important thing to mention.

[0w6c379]

Sounds like he is insecure and needs to bolster his image with you and anyone else who will listen.

Perhaps to make it more avoidable for you to have an erotic transference. If you know he's got a GF it's like 100% confirmation nothing can happen between either of you. Not suggesting you want anything like that, but he could be covering his back to make sure. Could be he can't handle that type of situation with a client.

[Seeker30]

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

Perhaps to make it more avoidable for you to have an erotic transference. If you know he's got a GF it's like 100% confirmation nothing can happen between either of you. Not suggesting you want anything like that, but he could be covering his back to make sure. Could be he can't handle that type of situation with a client.

This is what I think it is. During our first session back in October I'm not sure how it got brought up but he mentioned his age. He's late 50's and 18 years older than I. My response when he told me his age was "I would have guessed younger", it was a compliment and that was it, nothing I wouldn't have said to anyone else and his response was "my girlfriend thinks so to". I found it to be a little condescending but I brushed it off and didnt give it much more thought until I realized every session I've had he has mentioned his girlfriend one way or another. I really could care less if he talks about it, what bothers me is I get this sneaking suspicion that he is playing some kind of game with me simply because of some weirdness he has going on and the more I think about it the more I wonder how can I fully trust this situation with this going on.

[mixedup_emotions]

I'd imagine it'd be an important thing to bring up with him, to learn his motivation and to let him know how you feel about it. It could lead to a worthwhile discussion.

Originally Posted by Seeker30

Maybe I'm reading to much into this but I don't get it. I've had about a dozen sessions with this new therapist and every one of them he casually brings up his girlfriend out of the blue. Like I told him I'm uncomfortable in big crowds and he'll respond with 'my girlfriend is the same way', another time I told him I havent been in a relationship in quite a while and he proceeded to tell me how much he cared for his girlfriend. This has happened EVERY session.

The first few times I didnt think much of it, but after it continued during each session I started wondering why is he doing this? I almost get the feeling he is trying to send me the message 'do not become romantically interested in me', but the truth is I do not feel that way, have never asked him anything about his personal life and have never contacted him outside of therapy. Nor do I flirt or anything of that nature. Anyone have any theories about this or am I just thinking to much about it?

From what you've written here, it sounds to me that despite his experience, that maybe he doesn't have a lot of skill in summarizing/interpreting how you feel, or in laying out the context of all your past experiences that relate to why you may feel x or y or z in the moment, so it's easier for him to provide examples that parallel your feelings instead. Or it could be that he is way overdoing simply trying to normalize your feelings, which again, could come from lack of skill. It could have simply become habit over the years.

My other thought is that you remind him very much of his girlfriend, so it's simply hard for him to not mention her.

I don't think you're overthinking anything, but maybe it has less to do with you personally, and more with him? Hope you can ask him and find out for sure.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by Seeker30

This is what I think it is. During our first session back in October I'm not sure how it got brought up but he mentioned his age. He's late 50's and 18 years older than I. My response when he told me his age was "I would have guessed younger", it was a compliment and that was it, nothing I wouldn't have said to anyone else and his response was "my girlfriend thinks so to". I found it to be a little condescending but I brushed it off and didnt give it much more thought until I realized every session I've had he has mentioned his girlfriend one way or another. I really could care less if he talks about it, what bothers me is I get this sneaking suspicion that he is playing some kind of game with me simply because of some weirdness he has going on and the more I think about it the more I wonder how can I fully trust this situation with this going on.

That's interesting. I would have been annoyed by this response as well and felt that a simple "thank you" was enough. He may be insecure and like this with a lot of people - he feels the need for people (especially women) to know that he has a girlfriend. A mid life crisis type of thing, perhaps? You should bring it up to him, it is something he should be aware of.