Shaking a female T's hand.

A few months ago I was having a session with this T and I can't remember how we got to it, but we were talking about clients shaking her hand. After every session I shake the T's hand. She mentioned to me you're not supposed to shake a woman's hand unless she offers it ( I always offer first). This surprised I must say. She wasn't being rude when she put this point across to me, just said so in a matter of fact type of manner. She also said no client has ever offered to shake her apart from me. I've shook her hand every session for the last 3 years up to that point.

She did mention something about maybe this was my way of getting some physical touch, because we don't hug or do any of that type of thing. The truth is no, I told her I shake hands to be poilte.

I was then very blunt and told, you can be a fat balding man with a pair of man tits and I'd still offer to shake your hand, doesn't mean I want to F that guy.

So is she correct then? Men aren't supposed to shake a woman's hand unless she offers it first. btw I don't shake her hand anymore, although last time I did without thinking. It's a habit for me and could happen again because shaking someone's hand to me is like walking or blinking.

It might be a cultural thing. The idea of a woman having to offer first is absolutely absurd to me, so either it's not part of Canadian culture or it's archaic and only believed by an older generation.

Yes, when two ppl of the same/similar age and social position meet the female "gets" to offer the hand ->Sex being only the last marker. If meeting s.o. significantly older and/or in a position of greater authority to you, you should wait for them to offer you a hand to shake.
It goes the same with greetings, who gets to introduce whom, where do you walk/sit (the left/right side)...

Says who? The same people that think women should only wear dresses? I'm surprised she works for a living. With antiquated thinking like that I would figure she would think it's a woman's place to be in the kitchen for her man.

I wouldn't shake her hand since she seems to have an issue with it, but certainly don't stop with others. It's a gesture of coming together as two people, both in greeting and parting.

I always shake my T's hand for the politeness reasons and I've never thought that still someone may think that woman/older/more important person should offer it first even if this is what old-schooled savoir vivre says... My T is a man, I'm female and he offers his hand first - does it mean that he's not "polite"? I don't think so but as Red Panda said - it might be a cultural thing...

My T and I shake hands after every session. I'm pretty sure he offered first but I'm not 100%. I don't understand why this is a big deal to your therapist. I would really want to ask her what it means to her about you. Like if a guy tries to shake a woman's hand, then what does that say?

Is your T really old? I ask because I wonder if it's a generational thing. I'm a woman and men offer to shake my hand all the time, and I think absolutely nothing of it and go on about a normal day. Where I am if you conduct business then you shake hands most of the time. It was awkward when my T shook my hand a couple of times and I think that was just because in my mind we hadn't conducted business, we had talked, but I see now it was a good thing because it reminded me it was a professional relationship. I read your post and wondered if my T shook my hand just to touch me, lol, that would be awesome.

No she's not old she's mid 30's. I thought it was weird as well.

Maybe she took offence because perhaps she think I view myself as greater authority to her? I don't, but I don't see myself as less either.

It's absolutely not part of contemporary culture or politeness in my country. It used to be - I own an etiquette primer from 1933, which mentions that a woman always presents her hand to a man and not the other way around, together with clarifications about how long a man should keep his hat in his hand when he greets a woman, a social superior, a relative, or a younger person - but today there's no such rule. The Swedish version of "Miss Manners" states explicitly that there is no rule for who goes first. (I checked just now, because you made me curious.)

The U.S. being such a culturally diverse place, I assume that there are a lot of local cultural customs, and in some places I'm sure that "the woman offers her hand first" is the polite thing - but a T should be aware of the fact that this kind of "rule" is not absolute, but is subject to cultutal context. [edited to add: I'm sorry, Lycanthrope, I shouldn't assume that you are in the U.S., but I thought I remembered from other posts that you are. I might be wrong - my apologies.]

I shake hands at the beginning and the end of each session with my male (British) T; I'm sure he offered his hand first because I would not have been sure whether it would be acceptable for me to do so. It's an important part of the session for me, that brief, reassuring but neutral touch.

Looking back, I don't know how serious she was with her statement. It might have been said slightly tounge in cheek. But put it this way, a few weeks later I hold a nasty cold and I said " I won't shake your hand this time anyway, because I've been coughing and spluttering everywhere and don't want you to catch what I've got" her replay " nah we don't need to shake hands".

Maybe she just don't like being touched. I find it odd over 100's of clients over a decade, I'm the only one who's offered to shake her hand.

Well she suggested maybe I was using the handshake as a way of physical contact. I told her I wasn't, just being polite.

I'm also very surprised, I shake hands very often and here where I live, even all doctors shake hands with their patients (which at the beginning I found as "unusual" as not all patients come to doctors when they are healthy...). I would never guess that shaking hands might be unusual and it's hard to believe for me that you were the only out of 100 who did it... Maybe, she really doesn't like to be touched and cultural reasons are just an excuse (?)

It's not cultural reasons. I'm not from the US but the UK but almost identical. Nobody has reacted this way to me shaking their hand. I've shook other women's hands and they've not acted like I was odd for doing that.

Never heard of such a thing! I'm not big on these customs and traditions but my grandmother is and was always telling me what behaviours were appropriate for a lady and I definitely don't remember the handshaking tutorial. It sounds like a very complicated set of rules. My T and I don't shake hands, we might have at the first session when she introduced herself but I really don't remember.

So you've concluded it's not a cultural thing (just because she's in the UK, and it's not a UK-thing, it might be culural if her family upholds any ethnic traditions?) and it's not an age thing.

I would call her out on it. What on earth makes her think that that's how it should be, and better yet: why is she shaming you in a way by pointing it out? She's imposing her own views on you, when she should be accepting. Especially as it's NOT the norm for the woman to have to offer her hand first. If she's personally uncomfortable with it, she should either state it as such or she should keep it to herself... not try and pass it off as you doing something wrong or unacceptable.

I feel awful for making assumptions about where you live. I'm sorry.

But then I can say that my T is from England, and male, and in his 60s... and as I said he shakes my hand without waiting for me to offer it.

My ex Pdoc used to shake my hand without me doing it first everytime I saw him for an appointment. Once before and once after. I didn't find it offensive. I'm a 22 year old female. He is much older then me.

I'm not hearing the protocol for who has the privilege of offering their hand. So you offer your hand first, and she can accept or reject. So that follows her rules. I did a google search, and there are people who referred to this rule. But in this day and age, when women visit the insurance agent as often as the man, and women in the work place, I could see a poor guy getting accused of sexism if he only greets males with a handshake, and not women.
I thnk it makes some sense for dating situations, but not for business. And therapy is business.

No she holds no ethnic traditions. She's white British. She wasn't being rude or nasty about it. I don't know if she was being 100% serious. It wasn't like she was horrified by me offering to shake her hand, but she acted more like it was an odd thing for someone to do. I did call her out on it. She seemed to think it was my way of getting physical touch from her, and I told her it wasn't.

I think she thought my offering a handshake was more to it then just offering a handshake.

That's cool. I assume everyone here is American. Don't worry about it.

Well, does her assumption that it was, consciously or unconsciously, a reason to touch her fit any pattern/ dynamic between you? Seems like it might.

I have never heard of such a rule in my life, but then I've never looked into it. I live in the US but my boss is European (German)and he's offered his hand to shake twice since we met. I thought it was because he was afraid a hug was too intimate for a reserved American so he did a handshake instead. So I think her reaction is really weird. If this is a rule specific to her culture she can certainly tell her clients this. But she shouldnt act as if her custom is the norm and you broke some sort of etiquette.

I have not heard of such a rule. I am not a big hand shaker in general. The first therapist I see shook hands with me the first couple of times I met her, but after I questioned it, has thankfully stopped.

After perusing the internet, apparently this is a rule that some believe and follow, though I've never heard it myself. I suspect it may be regional and/or cultural to some extent. Sounds a bit Miss Manners-ish--old school.