Dear T: I need to tell you something but I don't know how Part IX

tealBumblebee · Feb 24, 2014, 08:20 PM

Dear T,

Today was very hard.

I don't want to play anymore. I don't like this. Let's go back to pretending that everything is okay and I really don't have any problems.

Also, you were kind of mean today. Not mean but just...I wanted compassionate, loving, thoughtful T who was full of smiles not serious, caring, lets-make-progress T.

I want my happy sessions back. Let's rewind time and fix this.

Who needs healing?

Not me.

Feb 24, 2014, 09:34 PM

Dear T, please don't offer another appointment when we talk tomorrow. I just, I can't do this anymore with you. I hope I can make myself say it.

looking4polaris · Feb 24, 2014, 10:30 PM

Dear T,

I think you need a chalkboard to hang outside your door...something to give me a heads up so I know what to expect before I come in.

Monday special: in and out under 15 minutes or it's free.
Tuesday: free unsolicited advice with your purchase
Wednesday: 2 for 1 special, passive-aggressive T on duty
Thursday: unlimited game play with purchase
Friday: happy hour, but not for you

Feb 24, 2014, 10:51 PM

Dear YT,

it was very brave of you to bring up the subject .... Sort of scary like you read my mind... It was really helpful...you're the best

Feb 25, 2014, 05:21 AM

To my T:

Dear T: I need to tell you something but I don't know how Part IX

herethennow · Feb 25, 2014, 06:36 AM

T,

Its been a year plus since we've started this journey of therapy together. It sounds short, but it sounds like a very long time to me. Yet, I can't get myself to openly discuss things with you. I can't seem to tell you that I'm hurting so bad.... I don't know T. Do we click well with each other? It feels so, but...

htn

Raging Quiet · Feb 25, 2014, 07:00 AM

Dear T, wtf is happening?

Feb 25, 2014, 09:30 AM

Dear T: oh how I need to just say to you this is it we are done I can't work with you anymore. omg omg omg I just realized something. You do guilt trips even better than my mother does

because yours are even more subtle and on the surface make you sound like you care.

o m freaking g!

Freewilled · Feb 25, 2014, 11:46 AM

Dear T,

I'm sorry. Sometimes you seem like a different person or I'm a different person. Or something. I told you I need continuity but I think you would give me what I need if it were possible...and I'm not getting continuity so does that mean its impossible? Or you think it's bad for me maybe.....eh. I don't know.

I don't think you know either. I think I brought you down the crazy rabbit hole that is in my head and you are like....whoa wtf?! Exactly,T! WTF? I allowed you in with the hopes you could help, but now I'm worried you hate it there and you wish I'd just sweep it up and leave it be. Like maybe you want to slam the door shut and have us both pretend I'm fine or we can focus on easy ****. I can't do that T. I'm looking for someone to be able to bear with it long enough to help me deal. I'm looking for someone to see how horrible and just grotesque I am and feel it with me. If you're scared, angry or tired of me then I need you to let me be. Just shut the door on your way out, please!

BlessedRhiannon · Feb 25, 2014, 02:44 PM

Dear T - I love that you understand I communicate best in writing. I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read my emails and respond. I especially appreciate that you encourage me to communicate via email or however I feel most comfortable. That said, sometimes, your one sentence "standard therapist" replies are wholly unfulfilling. I wish you'd given a bit more reply to my last email. I'm seeing you in two days, so there's no real point in replying back and I do understand the limits of email. Just wish you'd given me a bit more of a response, that's all.

penguinh · Feb 25, 2014, 03:38 PM

Dear T,
Thanks for abandoning me after I opened up to you about feeling so broken and hurt due to rejection. After you helped me figure out that I was so hurt because people that were significant in my life kept leaving me, you did the exact thing to me. You told me to call you when I need another appointment, rather than scheduling in advance like usual. Just so you know, I rather kill myself before I call you for another appointment for help. Thanks for adding to the list of people to hurt me after I finally opened up my heart.

You weren't that great anyways. I'll just stick to the meetings with the psychiatrist about my medication. Goodbye forever.

tealBumblebee · Feb 25, 2014, 03:53 PM

Dear T,

Memories are coming back. I'm shaky which means Ms. Anxiety is back. And I feel like I'm reverting back to those days that we just started talking about. I'm not sure I like this. I feel like i'm completely unraveling...

How do I go back to living the way I was just two days ago?!

Also, I didn't realize I was scratching so hard in session. I saw you look that's how I know I was scratching - but you should have said something because I wasn't aware of it and now I have marks on my wrist and arm that seem like they came out of no where. I know it's really not your fault though because I think we both became aware of it at the same time.

I need to control this beast that's trying to come out.

Yearning0723 · Feb 25, 2014, 06:12 PM

Dear T,

I'm screwing everything up. First with my mother, then with you, now with current mentor figure.

Help me. Please!

Freewilled · Feb 25, 2014, 08:04 PM

Dear T,

I want to be closer to you but then I hate you for it. That's not fair of me but I don't know how to do this

I fear you are really ticked at me for last week. I wasn't trying to be mean or pushy or whatever - just being honest. But maybe I should hide things from you and just act "as if" I trust you (?)

I dunno. Otherwise I'm sure you will terminate me. It's only a matter of time. I'm sorry I'm so suspicious of you. I really have little right to be that way. It's just that being close to you is suffocating. I suffer alone but can barely breathe knowing I need you in some way.

Feb 25, 2014, 08:10 PM

Dear T, agh, i call you in 20 minutes. Why didn't i cancel?!?!?!!?!!!!!

Feb 25, 2014, 09:33 PM

Dear T:

NO!!!!

Love,
me

tealBumblebee · Feb 25, 2014, 09:45 PM

Dear T,

I want you, but I don't need you. And that makes me sad.

Feb 25, 2014, 10:39 PM

Unbelievable how hard it was to tell you about attachment feelings. Well-I guess I only half told you. Why is it so much harder to tell you than it was to tell former T?

Sorry to talk about my feelings for former T so much, but I guess it was a compromise.

I feel really exposed....and really uncomfortable.

Next session is too far away.

Thank you for the reassuring text though...it helps.

growlithing · Feb 26, 2014, 02:21 AM

LCM,

Our session today was really difficult for me and left me badly triggered and in physical pain for about two hours afterwards. I know it was difficult for you too because I could almost feel you sharing my pain over the phone when I yelped as the flashback started. I don't know if I can do this thing you want. Every time I connect to my body, the flashbacks start again.

Besides that, when are you going to admit that you love me too? You say you don't believe in mistakes. Then by your own logic, you knew it was Tuesday and just subconsciously wanted to talk to me. Just cut the crap and tell me. I already know you do but it would mean the world to me if you just told me to confirm it.

I miss your touch. Sometimes, I imagine you rubbing my back when I'm scared or trying to fall asleep.

Feb 26, 2014, 03:10 AM

Dr R
What's the point of being honest with sui feelings when it's too inconvenient for me to get the help I need? What's the point of seeing you to talk about the same old stuff over and over? Nothing can help me change; I can't help me...nothing can, so why bother? I wish I had the courage to just quit.

09:51 AM

Dear T: y'know despite myself, I'm sitting here this morning grinning when I think about our session yest evening. It was so good to talk to you and be able to say those things I told you and having you figure out what's going on with me. And your little comment "Well, I'm psychic" about the finances thing, you are where I am concerned anyway, I've known that for a long time!! Thanks for suggesting the 25 minute check-ins instead of full 50 minute appointments, that will help a lot and I meant it when I said I think I will be more focused that way too. I just remembered something else. When I told you I was in my car at the beginning of the session you said "Ah so you're in your cave!" that was really a warm fuzzy moment that you remembered my cave - that goes waaaay back to my very first sand tray that I put the cave in with a little person hiding inside it. Thank you for remembering that. And by the way, how in the world is it almost March already?!

HealingTimes · Feb 26, 2014, 03:42 PM

Dear T

I am watching TV and thinking of you. I would love to text you but I wont because I don't need to. I wish I could though.
I am trying not to text between sessions this week.
It's difficult.
HT.

Yearning0723 · Feb 26, 2014, 03:48 PM

Dear T,

I don't know what to do. Should I stay or should I go?

Raging Quiet · Feb 26, 2014, 03:55 PM

Dear T,

Why didn't you tell me before I left that my mascara was like all over my face (!)

UnderRugSwept · Feb 26, 2014, 05:50 PM

Pdoc,

Just because you try like 20 meds on me that suck and make me sick and this last one gave me racing thoughts DOES NOT mean that I am bipolar!!!

You have met with me for maybe 8 fifteen-minute sessions and you seriously think you have a clue?? I have never had a manic moment in my life. I am so anxious I can barely function, but you have ZERO idea how to treat that so you ignore it and focus on my depression (not my main issue). All you are is a walking prescription pad. If you decide I am bipolar, I am getting a new pdoc.

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Dear T: I need to tell you something but I don't know how Part IX

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