[Ambra]

Sorry for this long post, I feel like sharing a "non-focused" session that was inspiring to me.
A couple months ago my T showed me a structured way to write about my issues so that I could bring them in as a guide for speaking. It was useful so I kept writing them for myself. Last week I asked T if I could handle her those sheets *just* to keep them safe (as I don't want to throw them away yet) because I picked my mother looking for my diaries so it doesn't feel safe keeping them - and that we could have a look at them together during sessions and seh agreed. Also because it was A LOT of stuff and I would have never dared asking her to read them.

So I had my weekly session and as soon as I walked into the room I saw all my sheets laying on the table and she said, "ok today I am starting. I've read all the things you handed me and I want to talk about them with you..."
And I went "all of them!? Outside sessions? Why?"

I mean it was something like 25 sheets, written on both sides (so about 50 pages - nearly a book, lol). I didn't mean to give her homework and she was surprised that I was so astonished. There were also a few letters and one about my fear of abandonment and she read them as well and wanted to clarify the thing of being ahead with therapy that had scared me so much and the fear of poisoning people with my stories.
T said I'm not poisoning anyone and it was her choice to read all those sheets between sessions because it felt right toward me plus she thinks she found important information in there that I wasn't bringing up. She said she was interested and wanted to be better prepared for the session and it wasn't me subjecting her to that. And that also the bad parts of me are good.

We didn't have much time to discuss my current issues as that chat took 60 minutes, but I realize how much I needed such a session and I found it healing. I got a lot of useful stuff from it and felt deeper connection like T got to know me better thanks to those sheets and kind of came meet me half way.

I felt a bit embarassed, incredibly stupid and relieved that I found a way to communicate when words are missing - and that I have T who was willing to welcome it.
I'll stop spamming, I promise.

[unaluna]

Just wow. That is a t who understands what an honor and privilege the job of getting into someone else's heart and mind is.

[Perna]

That is so great T did that with you and you found it so helpful. I use to write a lot, especially when my T was away, and mail them to her office. I know she read a lot of them but we did not discuss anything unless I brought it up for discussion. I still cherish the day toward the end of therapy, we were both retiring and moving and she was commenting how one whole drawer of her work file cabinet was Me/mine

[Auntie2014]

Originally Posted by Ambra

Sorry for this long post, I feel like sharing a "non-focused" session that was inspiring to me.
A couple months ago my T showed me a structured way to write about my issues so that I could bring them in as a guide for speaking. It was useful so I kept writing them for myself. Last week I asked T if I could handle her those sheets *just* to keep them safe (as I don't want to throw them away yet) because I picked my mother looking for my diaries so it doesn't feel safe keeping them - and that we could have a look at them together during sessions and seh agreed. Also because it was A LOT of stuff and I would have never dared asking her to read them.

So I had my weekly session and as soon as I walked into the room I saw all my sheets laying on the table and she said, "ok today I am starting. I've read all the things you handed me and I want to talk about them with you..."
And I went "all of them!? Outside sessions? Why?"

I mean it was something like 25 sheets, written on both sides (so about 50 pages - nearly a book, lol). I didn't mean to give her homework and she was surprised that I was so astonished. There were also a few letters and one about my fear of abandonment and she read them as well and wanted to clarify the thing of being ahead with therapy that had scared me so much and the fear of poisoning people with my stories.
T said I'm not poisoning anyone and it was her choice to read all those sheets between sessions because it felt right toward me plus she thinks she found important information in there that I wasn't bringing up. She said she was interested and wanted to be better prepared for the session and it wasn't me subjecting her to that. And that also the bad parts of me are good.

We didn't have much time to discuss my current issues as that chat took 60 minutes, but I realize how much I needed such a session and I found it healing. I got a lot of useful stuff from it and felt deeper connection like T got to know me better thanks to those sheets and kind of came meet me half way.

I felt a bit embarassed, incredibly stupid and relieved that I found a way to communicate when words are missing - and that I have T who was willing to welcome it.
I'll stop spamming, I promise.

My first thought after reading this was "Wow, I want to know that structured way of writing about issues"

My second thought was that T had no business reading your stuff without your permission.

After reading through the whole message what sticks out for me is " that I have found a way to communicate when the words are missing". To me this sums up what I feel therapy is all about. The fact that you can identify with different feelings is a good indication that you are making progress in a positive way.

Thank You for sharing your experience here.

[Ambra]

Originally Posted by Perna

That is so great T did that with you and you found it so helpful.
I still cherish the day toward the end of therapy, we were both retiring and moving and she was commenting how one whole drawer of her work file cabinet was Me/mine

Thanks! I guess it's going to be the same here! I don't want it to become a habit, but it was relieving to see I can do it, it's like I can count on that when I have no resources and it feels safe..

Originally Posted by Auntie2014

My first thought after reading this was "Wow, I want to know that structured way of writing about issues"

My second thought was that T had no business reading your stuff without your permission.

After reading through the whole message what sticks out for me is " that I have found a way to communicate when the words are missing". To me this sums up what I feel therapy is all about. The fact that you can identify with different feelings is a good indication that you are making progress in a positive way.

Thank You for sharing your experience here.

By "structured way of writing" I meant I once told her how difficult it is for me to express my thoughts. I sort of lose the thread and forget things in the middle of a sentence if I'm distressed. So I asked for help and we thought of a simple way to sum up my emotions/thoughts when I don't feel like following the flow but just want to have a look at them. I didn't have to follow it, but I tried it and found it very helpful. So I kept doing that.
I was fine with the possibility of T reading that stuff when giving it to her. I told her she didn't have to read it because I think it was a bit too much and I didn't feel entitled to ask her to read such an amount of sheets between sessions and was quite sure she wouldn't (cause I hear of many Ts who don't read clients' e-mails or letters until the session). But it's amazing she took the time to do it and asked to discuss it with me. It was healing as in my mind I don't deserve validation and I can't ask for anything. This made me feel important, like what I think/write deserves attention. So yes, the key concept was communication and someone who actually tries to listen also when I'm silent.

[Rzay4]

Very cool I like how your T thinks. As an aspiring T or nurse I definitely understand the importance of meeting my clients or patients needs. Bravo!

[Topiarysurvivor]

I was just about to start a thread asking if people took journals for their therapists to read. I've been writing so much.

Right after I left my husband of 23 years, I felt wordless. I had a book on Altered art , and started working, it turned into a visual journal, with some images that meant a lot to me. I altered a book that was half Peter Pan, and half Alice in wonderland- one of those vintage books that you turn upside down to read a different book. I din't usually alter books in good shape , but I did this one, and think it probably the most meaningful use of this book ever! To me anyway.

I went through it with my ex T before the relationship became exploitive, and I associate her reading it with an uncomfortably intimate monent much before the relationship was altered to meet her needs.

I wanted to share it with new T- but obviously I was very anxious about it. I guess I was hoping she woukd pick up on some of the references - like Meg Christian's lyric, " filling my life with women from beginning to end". But this T doesn't seem to be visual, and now teases me about my " crytic" communication. Anyone want to write her a note to set her straight on that?

It was good that I shared it with her and we refer to it often. So I'm wondering if she would want to see the best, or worst of what I am working on. I think if I offer and she refuses or
Downplays , it it will be hard for me. But sitting and watching her read a few things I have shared with her has been so painful. Does anyone else share writing or art they have done?

[HazelGirl]

Maybe just tell your T? It sounds like you need it for your own help and healing, so telling her would be in your best interest.

[Ambra]

Like HazelGirl said.

But I think you should open a new thread - I don't mean that I don't want the post here but I can't see a connection and I think the topic actually deserves its own thread. So people can give advice on it, my title is misleading for your question

About showing the journal: I don't bring mine in but if I have something on it that I want to tell her I will usually rewrite it on a separate sheet because she likes to keep it.
But I communicate better with drawings too and was afraid to bring in the "worst" ones and feared rejection like you. However she really appreciated that - even the "bad" things - and I think it's normal that we have to explain the drawings because they are extremely personal and can tell many different things.

Wow Ambra, your t is so attuned to you and knows what you needed then. I am a little jealous you have such a good t but also glad she can give you the help you need to be able to express yourself. She did her homework well.....T gets an A+

[Hoppery]

You appear to be having some luck in the T department. I hope things continue to be going the way for you as they are now, in the future.

I too, have found someone who is willing to do that little bit more work to help me so I know how special it is and how good it feels. If writing helps you, write, write and write. I should know, I am almost an expert in writing notes and letters. It's all I seem to do! If you need to find support on here, don't stop yourself from writing or creating threads because at the end of the day, that's what we are all here for, right? To support each other, to rant, to vent, to understand.. I wish you the best of luck.

[Ambra]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Wow Ambra, your t is so attuned to you and knows what you needed then. I am a little jealous you have such a good t but also glad she can give you the help you need to be able to express yourself. She did her homework well.....T gets an A+

Thank you, you guys are really sweet. Yeah there will be a lot of awkward moments but right now I feel as safe and quiet as I hadn't in a long time, like I'm good enough to not to be abandoned or punished. I feel like such an open book to T now, but I'm still amazed at how she reached out to me.

Originally Posted by Hoppery

You appear to be having some luck in the T department. I hope things continue to be going the way for you as they are now, in the future.

I too, have found someone who is willing to do that little bit more work to help me so I know how special it is and how good it feels. If writing helps you, write, write and write. I should know, I am almost an expert in writing notes and letters. It's all I seem to do! If you need to find support on here, don't stop yourself from writing or creating threads because at the end of the day, that's what we are all here for, right? To support each other, to rant, to vent, to understand.. I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks Hoppery, and I'm glad you too found someone who is willing to communicate no matter what the mean is. It's great when someone accepts the ways we find to tell things when we are struggling

[Topiarysurvivor]

Thanks , I will open a new thread.