[jazzy123456]

I took a brave step and contacted my old T (which I had therapy with for 2 and a half years).

I probably haven't seen her in like three years.

It didn't feel right to ask to come back to therapy without explaining to my old T why I wanted to come back to therapy through email. I felt like she needed to know why I wanted to return. I summed up the "why" in literally 2 sentences. I emailed her through her private practice website.

It was something like this...

Dear T,

I am a previous client who is considering the possibility of coming back to therapy. I graduated from my university with a B.S. and I am in a new season of life. Unfortunately, before graduating, I was sexually assaulted. I am safe and fine and everything is okay now. However, I am in the process of searching for healing and recovery. How and when could I get started with therapy?

Jazzy

(I actually don't remember the last line... it was something like how/when can I get started in therapy if this is an option... something like that. Also, I mentioned the B.S. because the last time we were working together.. I had barely made it out of high school. I wanted that to be an indication that my life is different now...I am different now...all of that felt important to me to say... should I have said it? I kept it so SHORT too...imagine contacting your old therapist who you used to see for 2 and a half years for the first time after three years had passed.... wouldn't you want to say more than just a few sentences? Believe me, it was hard to keep it short as well! I just said what I felt NEEDED to be said. Now I am wondering ...did I not make it clear that I was considering a appointment? I'm sorry... even if I didn't make it a 100% clear..a message like that is a clear enough indication that a person needs help... Couldn't she at least respond with... "Would you like to make an appointment?" Something as small as a sentence like that, I think, would be respectable. I mean, geez.)

Anyways,

what did I do wrong? because she never responded. It took a lot of courage to say those things too.I about had a panic attack writing it down. Even if, I said "possibility" the least she could do is respond right? Wouldn't any competent therapist realize that I am considering them as a possibility for recovery from the sexual abuse and since I was a previously client, I am just saying how/when I can get started.

I also needed closure over my prior therapy but, didn't include that in the email I sent. I needed closure since we ended a 2 and a half year sessions with a phone consultation... just never felt peaceful closure over that.

Anyways, either
1. She felt unsafe to work with me in a "legal" sort of way because I mentioned "sexual assault"
(I would find that weird because we worked on my past sexual abuse history when I saw her for 2/half years...I even talked about stuff as it actually occured)
2. She doesn't want to work with me. I am correct and the therapeutic relationship definitely ended bad and without closure so she never wants me to be her client ever again.
3.Even though it's been a week and a half, the email went to spam. She never saw it. (I find that hard to believe because it was on her main website where any client who wants to go to her office emails her. Also, I got a confirmation email in my inbox when I sent the message through her website)
4. S*** happens, everything happens for a reason. Maybe it was never meant to be that I return.

Now off to deal with some terrible abuse memories...alone because I don't even know and they never go away. I am one strong girl... who is trying to accomplish much despite the pain.

Never give up.
Jazzy

[HealingTimes]

I think you need to remember than lots of things could have happened in that time, such as

-She may no longer be practicing
-She may no longer be signed up to that website
-She may only be PT
-She may be off from work for illness/maternity leave etc
-She may be on holiday

The most probable thing would be that she just hasn't checked her emails. If the phone number is on the website, why not call her instead?

[CantExplain]

((Jazzy))

It is horrible to think that an exT doesn't love you any more.

Ts are often not good at keeping their websites up to date. (I can't remember the last time I edited mine, and I'm a technical person.) They could easily forget to take it down when they move. Perhaps there is a more recent website or another way to reach her?

[doyoutrustme]

Why can't you call on the phone? You won't have to analyze anymore, you'll know.

tapatalk post.

[Mactastic]

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, I would call. Please keep us updated.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[healingme4me]

Short was appropriate, for the email, imo.

Why not call, book the appointment?

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[melania]

Maybe she changed her email and didn't read your letter? I also think that it would be better if you called her.

I would make first contact via phone, not email.

[Outcast_of_RGaol]

I agree with the rest Jazzy... it's way too soon to be assuming the worst.
There are too many possible reasons for the lack of response.

I remember this... in my youth (high school), I went to my locker and several lockers down was a small group of girls. And occasionally they would glance at me and they were all giggling. And it upset me.
For some reason it came up in conversation with my dad and he said, there are a million different reasons why those girls were laughing... one of which is that they might have been laughing at you, the other 999,999 reasons you just don't know.

[jazzy123456]

I am nervous to make the phone call but, it seems like that is the consensus.

[rainbow8]

I remember that you don't like phone calls, I think.....but it seems the best thing to do right now. I hope she is there and will see you again. It seems like I keep asking you the same question, but is this the T you used to see, and posted about a lot in the past?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

I am nervous to make the phone call but, it seems like that is the consensus.

Be bloody, bold and resolute, as Lady MacBeth puts it.

[jazzy123456]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I remember that you don't like phone calls, I think.....but it seems the best thing to do right now. I hope she is there and will see you again. It seems like I keep asking you the same question, but is this the T you used to see, and posted about a lot in the past?

Hi rainbow,

yes... the first time I ever logged onto psychcentral or found this forum was with my old therapist..she is the one I used to see and posted about a lot in the past.

[rainbow8]

Did you call yet? I'm sure, if she's available, that she'll be glad to help you.

[elaygee]

My T has had a few web pages. Emails change. Also around where I am it is spring break. Very possible she is off.

[jazzy123456]

Interesting. I don't think I can call because I nearly had a panic attack emailing. I haven't seen her in like 3 years. It basically took three years to make a decision to send an email lol So, lets say... it might take three more years before I call haha just kidding. I don't know how long it will take but I haven't called yet...still nervous. Its because my therapy ended poorly in the past... I feel like she doesn't want to hear from me.

[RTerroni]

Maybe she is no longer at the practice, that was the case for me when I considered getting back in touch with a former Therapist of mine.

[Outcast_of_RGaol]

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

Interesting. I don't think I can call because I nearly had a panic attack emailing. I haven't seen her in like 3 years. It basically took three years to make a decision to send an email lol So, lets say... it might take three more years before I call haha just kidding. I don't know how long it will take but I haven't called yet...still nervous. Its because my therapy ended poorly in the past... I feel like she doesn't want to hear from me.

--- A patient doesn't go to therapy because she has all the answers, she goes because she has a song that she needs to sing.
Maya Angelou.

so sing. Jazz, sing. --jazzy123456

[Bipolarchic14]

I would call. This way you are sure she is ignoring you vrs not receiving the email. I gave had times when emailing people on my ipad and it does not get to them. Other have complained of that yo.

[learning1]

Congratulations on graduating Jazzy!

I think your email was good the way you wrote it. I think calling is a good idea too.