My therapist talks too much

hinderedgirl76 · Jan 29, 2014 at 11:27 AM

My therapist is constantly relating what I'm saying to some event in his life, or some one he knows. It drives me CRAZY. I don't really have "rage issues" per se, but he makes me so angry I stop talking altogether. I haven't seen him in a few months, and that's certainly not helping either.

I guess I need to find a new one, but I feel guilty leaving him to see a different therapist in the same practice (the only one in town that takes my insurance). I don't want him to think I don't like him, or think that I thought he was doing a poor job (even though I do lol). I'm gonna have to do something; I just wish I could to do something about it without feeling guilty. This doing nothing thing really isn't working for me though

HazelGirl · Jan 29, 2014 at 02:34 PM

That works better or not so good with some clients. I know it helps me to know my T understands when she relates what I am saying to things she has gone through. But I can see how that approach might drive some people crazy. It's not an easy habit to break, so either talk to your T about it or find one who doesn't do that so much.

mixedup_emotions · Jan 29, 2014 at 02:37 PM

I'd imagine that asserting yourself and being honest with T is useful for a number of reasons. Addressing the issue with T will give you both an opportunity to work through it in a healthy way. Avoiding it and just choosing a different therapist says something about you which is valuable and something you can work on with T.

stopdog · Jan 29, 2014 at 03:43 PM

I would just ask the therapist to stop. He may not realize how annoying it is or how often he does it.

Jan 29, 2014 at 03:55 PM

Practice assertiveness! Perfect opportunity.

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Elektra_ · Jan 29, 2014 at 05:36 PM

lol in my search of new T i found this therapist that would talk and talk and interrupt me all time. it wasnt about her but examples of people she had as clients. i think when a T talks too much u should find another. as u dont feel like changing maybe tell him what u think and if he doesnt adjusts his behavior change. tc

growlithing · Jan 29, 2014 at 06:39 PM

One of my T's relates to her personal life vaguely when we talk. I like it. It makes the relationship feel more mutual in the moment which helps me open up more. Sometimes, she will talk too much when she gives me advice or kinda brush off something I said. I just say "you're listening to me" and she backs off. This doesn't happen a lot, but maybe you could try just telling him to listen more.

hinderedgirl76 · Jan 29, 2014 at 06:44 PM

Awesome advice, everyone!

thank you

Roblovescats · Jan 30, 2014 at 09:55 AM

It is hard to self advocate when someone is trying to help you and doing the opposite. I would have a hard time telling them that what they do bothers me. I would (and have) just change to another person and don't worry about what it means to them. You aren't there for them. Just change. They shouldn't ask why and you don't owe any explanation.

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sweepy62 · Jan 30, 2014 at 10:56 AM

Just to be funny here for a bit, hope it doesnt offend you lol, put a roll of duck tape on her desk, maybe she will take a hint lol, but seriously, just be honest in a respectful way, or maybe dont speak, and when she asks you why you are not speaking tell her, you were waiting for her to finish speaking.

Canyon · Jan 30, 2014 at 11:35 AM

Hindered, I could have easily written the same post about my T! It has gotten to the point that I have also thought of getting another T as well. I get so frustrated hearing about how it relates to something in his or his clients life.

Just in the last couple of days I had decided to tell him that it bothers me and that I feel like it wastes precious therapy time (in nicer terms).
I emailed him a couple of nights ago to tell him a summary of what I want to talk to him about on Monday when I see him again. I made a little reference to the fact that I know it will be tough to get those things covered in the allotted time but felt that it would be possible if "I" worked on staying on point in the convo.

He emailed me back to say that it sounds like a good plan and that he would try to help me manage the session time in a way that I could accomplish that.

Maybe you could try something like letting him know that you don't need/want as much verbal exchange from him? Maybe in a way that he will know what you are saying without having to be harsh?

Good luck either way.

nicoleflynn · Jan 30, 2014 at 11:45 AM

You are paying her for a service, and aren't happy with it. If you had a plumber come in to your house and talk a lot and not get the job done....you would tell him, or not pay him. same thing with therapy. She must do it with other clients too, I would guess. Occasionally it would be a therapeutic thing to relate to something you say, but as a general rule......constantly? No......therapists are supposed to LISTEN, more than talk

anilam · Jan 30, 2014 at 12:11 PM

I'd tell him and then I'd move on to another T.
Or you could give him a chance to change if this is the only thing bothering you about him.

nottrustin · Jan 30, 2014 at 12:24 PM

I say if it isn't working with him you need to find somebody else. Any good therapist knows that sometimes it just doesn't click between people and it has to happen with your T. At my first appointment with my T she told me up front that for either of us if it just doesn't seem like a good fit then we need to be honest and know that it isn't person but in this situation in needs to work for both of us. We work great together and have for about 5 years so far...

Jan 30, 2014 at 03:23 PM

Yes, they are providing a service which they are getting paid for in one way or another. Yes it is an hourly rate. If somebody was talking while cleaning my house by the hour I would just move on. But therapy is about learning to manage your life. That includes communication. Therapists are just as prone to annoying habits as anybody else. It's easier to walk away but this sort of thing comes up in life all the time. Why not use this as a chance to try and change the relationship dynamic? If it doesn't work move on but at least you will have some practice. It's gold when you have a real life situation you can deal with in therapy rather then simply reliving it.

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Roblovescats · Jan 30, 2014 at 04:44 PM

I provide services and sometimes it doesn't work for people. I don't find it offensive if they go to someone else. The reality is you need to be comfortable and they need to help you. That's not the case so it's totally ok to move on. I lost count of therapists I saw because I didn't click with them. They were not bad just not right for me. Do what's best for you and don't let it bother you. The therapist will be just fine.

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stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 34,821 (SuperPoster!) 12 1 hugs given	Jan 29, 2014 at 03:43 PM #4 I would just ask the therapist to stop. He may not realize how annoying it is or how often he does it. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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Anonymous817219 Guest Posts: n/a	Jan 29, 2014 at 03:55 PM #5 Practice assertiveness! Perfect opportunity. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
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Elektra_ Grand Member Member Since May 2013 Location: . Posts: 960 11 148 hugs given	Jan 29, 2014 at 05:36 PM #6 lol in my search of new T i found this therapist that would talk and talk and interrupt me all time. it wasnt about her but examples of people she had as clients. i think when a T talks too much u should find another. as u dont feel like changing maybe tell him what u think and if he doesnt adjusts his behavior change. tc
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hinderedgirl76 Member Member Since Jan 2014 Location: Florida Posts: 29 10 3 hugs given	Jan 29, 2014 at 06:44 PM #8 Awesome advice, everyone! thank you
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anilam Grand Poohbah Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Middle of Nowhere Posts: 1,806 13 743 hugs given	Jan 30, 2014 at 12:11 PM #13 I'd tell him and then I'd move on to another T. Or you could give him a chance to change if this is the only thing bothering you about him.
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