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  #1  
Old Jan 30, 2014, 01:02 AM
RFS711 RFS711 is offline
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In therapy I talk a lot and there's a lot of silence and when there's silence I talk too much some more. My therapist gives me a lot of opportunities to talk and it seems like she wants me to find myself in therapy. Like she's putting me in charge. But I don't want to be in charge. I want her to lead all the discussions and be in control. I hate how I'm so bad when in charge and I want her to lead the sessions. How do I tell her without sounding rude? I don't want to hurt her feelings. I just want to shut up and let her talk!

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  #2  
Old Jan 30, 2014, 02:25 AM
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purple orchid purple orchid is offline
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Maybe you could tell your T what you wrote here?
It seems like when there is a silence you feel like you should be talking, so start talking again.
Tell your T how you are feeling and that you want them to be more in charge of where the session is going for a more productive session.
Thanks for this!
RFS711
  #3  
Old Jan 30, 2014, 02:35 AM
Anonymous35535
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Exactly as you told us here. I don't think you will hurt her feelings. In fact, she might be grateful to you. Best wishes to you RFS711.
Thanks for this!
RFS711
  #4  
Old Mar 19, 2014, 04:58 AM
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Did you bring this up with T, RFS?
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  #5  
Old Mar 19, 2014, 05:40 AM
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sweepy62 sweepy62 is offline
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Tell her how you feel, are you afraid of silence, I am, I let her know I am uncomfortable with it, I usually dont talk that much, but I let her know from the start that, we would share "control" of the session, she said that would be fine, that its a partnership, we both need to give each other feedback, when she sees, Im silent , she takes the drivers seat, sort of speak, which is fine, because I need structure, if not I will be talking a whole lot of nothing and jumping from topic to topic, I have a notebook with topics, and we discuss a topic per session, and whatever branches out from there we process, and she is fine with that.
I need to take things slow. I think you should tell her how you feel.
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  #6  
Old Mar 19, 2014, 07:13 AM
Cherubbs Cherubbs is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RFS711 View Post
In therapy I talk a lot and there's a lot of silence and when there's silence I talk too much some more. My therapist gives me a lot of opportunities to talk and it seems like she wants me to find myself in therapy. Like she's putting me in charge. But I don't want to be in charge. I want her to lead all the discussions and be in control. I hate how I'm so bad when in charge and I want her to lead the sessions. How do I tell her without sounding rude? I don't want to hurt her feelings. I just want to shut up and let her talk!
Oh dear but that made me giggle. I know it shouldn't but I have the exact opposite problem and my poor T has to yap on for absolutely ages before I can find it in me to talk about things that bother me. He calls it his weekly free-association time and constantly reminds me that he's not telepathic. When there's silence it engulfs and paralyzes me. I so wish I had that ability to chat on regardless, it's quite a gift you know. I think they should put us in a pot and give us a good stir we might balance each other out! I suppose telling her is a good start. My problem is quite obvious but your T is probably unaware of yours.
Thanks for this!
CantExplain
  #7  
Old Mar 19, 2014, 08:20 AM
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HazelGirl HazelGirl is offline
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RSF, it's your therapy time. As long as it is helping you and not getting in the way of what you came there to process, it is okay.
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Thanks for this!
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  #8  
Old Mar 19, 2014, 09:12 AM
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Outcast_of_RGaol Outcast_of_RGaol is offline
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I agree with the others about talking to her.
In fact as a general rule-of-thumb in any relationship, I think that the best way to find out answers to confusing situations is to ask.
I sometimes have similar issues because I feel as though I'm going to a professional to help me "fill in the blanks" and he's sitting there wanting me to find that something in myself too. And I start thinking is this some sort of psychological tool that he uses and that there's an actual plan in his thinking, or is he just abundantly cautious of not projecting his ideas into other peoples' heads? Because I've beating my head against walls for years try to fill in some of these blanks and for a lot of these blanks... I got nuthin'!

On a side note, but not meaning to play therapist... perhaps she's showing that you have a discomfort with silent moments in conversations. And/or that you want others to carry the burden of conversation or be in charge? Could those things be an issue for you that you haven't explored?
  #9  
Old Mar 19, 2014, 10:23 AM
RFS711 RFS711 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CantExplain View Post
Did you bring this up with T, RFS?
I told her and she said she wants me to talk about what I want to talk about, not what she wants to talk about. I understand what she means and I actually like it now.
Thanks for this!
CantExplain
  #10  
Old Mar 19, 2014, 10:25 AM
RFS711 RFS711 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweepy62 View Post
Tell her how you feel, are you afraid of silence, I am, I let her know I am uncomfortable with it, I usually dont talk that much, but I let her know from the start that, we would share "control" of the session, she said that would be fine, that its a partnership, we both need to give each other feedback, when she sees, Im silent , she takes the drivers seat, sort of speak, which is fine, because I need structure, if not I will be talking a whole lot of nothing and jumping from topic to topic, I have a notebook with topics, and we discuss a topic per session, and whatever branches out from there we process, and she is fine with that.
I need to take things slow. I think you should tell her how you feel.
I also write things down and bring it in to talk about and it's really helpful because then I don't forget anything. Also sometimes it's easier for her to read it instead of me saying it.
Thanks for this!
CantExplain
  #11  
Old Mar 19, 2014, 10:30 AM
RFS711 RFS711 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2014
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherubbs View Post
Oh dear but that made me giggle. I know it shouldn't but I have the exact opposite problem and my poor T has to yap on for absolutely ages before I can find it in me to talk about things that bother me. He calls it his weekly free-association time and constantly reminds me that he's not telepathic. When there's silence it engulfs and paralyzes me. I so wish I had that ability to chat on regardless, it's quite a gift you know. I think they should put us in a pot and give us a good stir we might balance each other out! I suppose telling her is a good start. My problem is quite obvious but your T is probably unaware of yours.
My therapist said kind of the same thing. She said she wants me to talk about what I want to talk about because she can't read my mind lol.
Thanks for this!
Cherubbs
  #12  
Old Mar 19, 2014, 10:34 AM
RFS711 RFS711 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HazelGirl View Post
RSF, it's your therapy time. As long as it is helping you and not getting in the way of what you came there to process, it is okay.
Thanks. Therapy is very helpful for me. It's what I live for to be honest.
  #13  
Old Mar 19, 2014, 10:39 AM
RFS711 RFS711 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2014
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Outcast_of_RGaol View Post
I agree with the others about talking to her.
In fact as a general rule-of-thumb in any relationship, I think that the best way to find out answers to confusing situations is to ask.
I sometimes have similar issues because I feel as though I'm going to a professional to help me "fill in the blanks" and he's sitting there wanting me to find that something in myself too. And I start thinking is this some sort of psychological tool that he uses and that there's an actual plan in his thinking, or is he just abundantly cautious of not projecting his ideas into other peoples' heads? Because I've beating my head against walls for years try to fill in some of these blanks and for a lot of these blanks... I got nuthin'!

On a side note, but not meaning to play therapist... perhaps she's showing that you have a discomfort with silent moments in conversations. And/or that you want others to carry the burden of conversation or be in charge? Could those things be an issue for you that you haven't explored?
She knows I have trouble socially. She thinks everything, my depression, anxiety, and everything all is because of my OCD. It's hard to explore the social discomfort because I focus on so much every week. I write so much stuff down and confess a lot and we focus on fixing my depression. Now that we have covered a lot of the stuff I have written down hopefully we can focus on the future and getting better.
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