Trauma therapy

I began seeing a trauma specialist recently. Two weeks ago I had a magical session where he talked to my younger self, but as if I were talking. So he was telling me how safe I was and how proud of me he was and that I had done a great job but now it was time to let the adult me take over. 1% of me knew what he was doing and was thinking cynical things like, "I bet you do this all the time," but 99% of me was eating it up. I couldn't believe how good I felt when I left there.

But today freaked me out completely. I met with him and he said to close my eyes and visualize a campfire. That I should just "invite everyone." I just sat there with my eyes closed, not so much wondering what he meant but how one would go about doing that. Then he was calling my name and telling me to "hold on because he had the opportunity to meet" a "protector" who is a boy! That the boy had been taking care of things for a long time but Dr. N explained to him that now that I was getting help, I could probably take over some of his tasks. So the boy agreed to turn over his telephone duties to me, in exchange for s'mores at the next campfire. WTF?!

I don't think I can handle this. I could handle a strange incident here or there but this?! IDK. I don't even know if I believe multiple personalities is legit. How is that possible even? I don't remember large chunks of time but that's due to anxiety or I wasn't paying attention, not because.

Just when I thought I was getting better I take a nosedive.

Sorry for rambling. There's really nothing to say

Sometimes I'm very uncomfortable with this type of visualization which purports to work more directly with my subconscious. I don't find it wise to trust my subconscious to strangers, and I too would be feeling concerned by that type of exercise. Inner child work was also big when I was a young woman and I was over-exposed to it, am not a fan. Do you think perhaps he's moving a bit fast for you and trying things without you perhaps understanding the whys and wherefores??

There are lots of ways of doing trauma therapy, I've found it very important to find a methodology that works for the individual, a lot of the writing on myptsd.com discusses this and my therapist has offered me a few methods and we've done a couple course corrections to find the right style for me.

I totally believe in multiple personalities, or rather DID, and have some experiences with that. Even so, this would freak me out too.

How do you recall knowing the boy agreed?

I don't. It was part of what the doctor told me

For me, I had those magical sessions when my young self came out. I felt young, b/c I felt safe. I hate forced visualization. Try playing a silly game together, let yourself feel, and talk away.

I was skeptical about multiple personalities once. I understand how they are created now, and it makes sense to me. If you have been through extreme trauma when you were very young, it may have seemed that it was more than you could handle, so the mind sections off a part of itself and assigns that part a separate identity with all of the qualities needed to protect you and get you through. It is a very creative solution, and it makes it possible to survive what you couldn't otherwise. The other identities are not actually other people living in your body. All of them are you. But those sectioned off parts of you don't know that they are all part of you, and they continue to do what they were created to do. It takes a creative and resourceful person to create multiple identities.

Not everyone who goes through trauma develops other identities, but other types of dissociation also happen as a result of trauma. I have ego fragments that are parts of me that have their own characteristics but are not completely split off. They don't have other memories that aren't shared with me, but these other parts can become more dominant and influence what I do and say if I let them. Another kind of dissociation is separating from yourself in the here and now and watching something that is happening to you from another place outside of your body. A lot of people experience that, like if they are in a car accident or something. I have. It is the same process or ability - dissociation - as creating other identities, just a different approach.

It would feel weird to be told that parts of you are talking in therapy when you don't remember it, and more than a little freaky. Understanding what is going on can at least help you to make sense of it. Maybe you could ask your T more about how this happens and what it means for you. It might explain why there are things that you don't remember. It can take some time to adjust to something like this. Maybe you could ask your T about recording a session so that you can hear what you talk about when you can't remember. It may or may not be a good idea for you to record it, as maybe the other parts of you would like to talk to you, or they might still feel like they need to keep their secrets in order to protect you. You could also ask your T about other ways to do therapy that would be more comfortable for you. There are other ways to do trauma therapy. Do you remember the trauma? That might make a difference in what kinds of therapy you can do.

Good morning,

Has your therapist explained what he is doing? There is Internal Family Therapy where you start working with yourself at different ages. Two red flags...........he is going way too fast if he has not told you what his goals are and how he intends to help you achieve them. Second, you lose large chunks of time. Does this just happen in therapy or in other scenarios also?

Regards,

Sabra