[Daeva]

I am so LIVID right now. My T had NO right to do that to me, lying to my face, by omission. Back-stabbing piece of junk. I am SO SO MAD.

My T told me what she diagnosed me with, OR SO I THOUGHT. So Kelly let it slip that my T diagnosed me with Dependent Personality Disorder, SHE NEVER TOLD ME. She goes and tells the staff here, so they all ****ing know but never NEVER tells me? I feel so betrayed. I am NOT upset about the diagnosis (Though I do disagree to an extent, I'm not saying I'm not dependent somewhat I just don't think it's to that degree), anyway I'm not upset about the diagnosis. I'm upset that my T never told me. I feel lied to, manipulated, what else hasn't she told me? Betrayed. Now I'm worried there's more. I don't know if I can trust her again.

[tealBumblebee]

Ouch....this specifically is one of my fears with my own T...I agree, i'd be livid and feel just as betrayed as you do. *hugs* Are you going to talk to her about it?

[Daeva]

Oh yes, you bet I'm going to ****ing talk to her about it.

[Nightlight]

Sorry you've been hurt by this.

Might not be the most sensitive thing to say to you in this moment, but I remember you posting the research you did on self-parenting and the first thing this post made me wonder about was whether you might enjoy reading about some of the research on the morality of truth-telling in medicine, perhaps at some stage when it's not hitting so close to home.

I am sorry that it's feeling so distressing right now and I hope it helps once you've had a chance to talk it over with your therapist.

[Daeva]

She had no right to keep this from me at all, I don't really care what her excuses are, i'm not interested in them. People can go on and on and say maybe she was doing it for my best interest but what it comes down to is she with held information that pertained to MY life, effected me and what not.

If you had cancer a doctor would be bound to tell you that, so my ****ing T can explain why she had the right to hide this from me.

[HazelGirl]

I don't think it was right that she hid it from you. But I would make sure she actually did first. Rumors aren't always true, so double-check with her that she actually did do what you are saying she did.

[Daeva]

She did do it, I just talked to staff here and had them look it up in their files of me. When I was admitted my T gave them the list of diagnosis she had on me. Staff just looked it up 5 minutes ago. My T lied to me and hid it from me.

[unlockingsanity]

Daeva, have you ever asked her about your diagnosis?

I would try and reserve your judgement until you talk to her. Is she able to diagnose you? I know here, my T can't technically give me a diagnosis - just my Pdoc.

Could it be that label is part of her personal notes and thoughts about you and just not something that has come up in your therapy? Often these things come about over some length of time. It could be something she is still considering about you but has in her notes.

My T can't diagnose, but he would say I have PTSD. He didn't come out and say "I think you are suffering from X" one day. It was many conversations about the topic and my experience before it really came out.

Therapy is a process. It doesn't mean she's lying to you. It just means that she's probably trying to figure out how best to help you based on the information she gathers from every interaction.

[Daeva]

Yes we've talked about all my diagnosis--except obviously this one. No. Because the Group Home I live in doesn't read her personal notes they just ask her for her diagnosis, which she gives. That's it.

[Nightlight]

In Western culture we do tend not to keep that sort of information from people, you're right. I understand how deceptive it feels to you right now. I would also feel annoyed with a therapist who kept that information from me as I feel quite capable of handling a diagnosis.

But yes, I imagine that there are some cultures that would keep a terminal cancer diagnosis from someone near death, if they thought the diagnosis would significantly detract from the quality of someone's life for the last few days of their life, for example. Also, just how much do you share with very young children? No, none of that is the same as your situation at all, but it is driven by a motivation to prevent suffering.

However angry you are, it would be good to talk your anger over with your therapist and give her a chance to explain. Maybe she did think it would harm you more to tell you and maybe she was completely wrong about that, or maybe it was for some other reason, but it's hard to know what her motivations are without asking. And of course it's okay to be upset about it. Sometimes it’s good to be upset but also aware that the situation might not be as dire as it first seems. I hope you have a chance to sort it out soon.

[Karrebear]

Why would she tell you the other diagnoses but leave out this specific one? It could be possible that she just didn't know you weren't aware of it.

Either way, when you talk with her about it make sure you are calm. You won't get anywhere if you go in yelling.

[renie1022]

is it possible that this diagnosis was made initiallly but she no longer agrees with it? how old is the information?

[Elektra_]

sometimes Ts dont tell the diagnosis for many reasons: the patient might not be able to deal it, isnt ready for it; the diagnosis will have a bad impact; they dont want to label u; they arent 100% sure of it/think its just phase....

calm down and just ask her why she kept it from u. tc

[Asiablue]

I wonder if she's given that diagnoses to the home to justify why you needed a place there? Maybe it bettered your chance of being accepted into the home rather than just BPD? I know a lot of therapists will "tweak" the truth to insurance companies and stuff who demand labels on clients to ensure they get the care they need.

But i understand totally your anger at not being told. I'd feel very betrayed. But maybe it slipped her mind to tell you she'd put that on the form because it was just admin to her and not something important in her mind.

[Daeva]

The information is relatively new, like a month old.

I'm writing how I feel out, and will get down the actual questions I need to ask to make sure.

[elaygee]

As someone said maybe she tweaked it so you dont have to pay a fortune for treatment. Maybe she diagnosed it as you went into this facility, as she thought it fit more. I wouldnt immediately jump to betrayal here.

[willowbrook]

Unfortunately personality disorders do still carry a certain level of stigma. Some practitioners will keep a diagnosis of a personality disorder from their patient, because they fear stigmatising them, or having the patient feel stigmatised by the label, and therefore becoming unresponsive to therapy. Not saying it's right, I think T's and Pdoc's should be honest with their patients about what it is they're diagnosed with to give the best care, but the thing is in this situation your T probably did think she was giving you the best care.

Wait and here what she has to say.

[blur]

she may have put dependent personality disorder for the home for insurance reasons or because possibly the home wouldn't have taken you if she had put borderline personality disorder. i really doubt your T lied to you. i hope you don't see your self as a diagnosis. you are not. you are so much more than that.

[glitches]

Re. Cancer. I have taken care of elderly people that had cancer and wasn't allowed to tell them they had cancer and they died within months. I wasn't allowed to tell them because it would make no difference except to make them sad and hurt and scared for the rest of their time.

Your therapist probably has her reasons, whether you agree with them or not makes no difference. Unfortunately now it is all about betrayal rather than the diagnosis. Does it make any difference? Knowing? My new doctor said I probably have ptsd. Which isn't a shock and doesn't change anything except I feel scared of it - I thought something is wrong and look - there is. It's weird but it really makes no difference - they could not tell me i have ptsd and I would still have nightmares and still feel plagued by bad memories. But they are the doctor - I have to believe they might probably know what they are doing.

[anilam]

Here ppl have a legal right to know their dx (even the terminal ones). I for one would like to know I have just few weeks/months to left.

Daeva, I too would feel betrayed and lied to. Esp if you were discussing your dx before and she didn't mention this one. I'm sure, however, that you'll be able to bring it up and discuss with her next time you'll see her. Your T sounds good enough- she must have had her reasons. I do believe this all will clear up again

[Auntie2014]

This reminds me of the kids game of "whispers" where everyone sits in a circle. One person starts out by whispering something in in the ear of the person next to him. then that person whispers to the one next to him. this goes on till it gets clear around the circle. The last person then tells what was whispered in his ear. Then the starter tells what he said. They are never the same.

Medical charts tend to be like that too.What you told T is not what you now understand to be in your records at the group home.

[nicoleflynn]

Why would she share that with staff? That is a violation and betrayal of your privacy. T's are only allowed to share anything about a client if they have your written permission. She can lose her license for that.

[Willowleaf]

I have been following your posts and I feel for you big time as I can hear the hurt and betrayal you are feeling. I do however remember a post not long ago where you said you were feeling much better and maybe didn't need your t so much. For me personally it is not about a diagnosis. I am not a label, a label will make no difference to my life. I am still me and learning how to live my life the best way I can. Maybe you could try and think why this is hurting you so much. As well as focusing on why it happened maybe it would be helpful to spend some time as well as why it has hurt you quite so much.

One day. Hopefully. You will be able to find a therapist that can really be of help.
You may have to be working and pay out of pocket.
I'm 51.
As a teenager and young adult I was caught up in the 'mental health game'.
I reacted like you to a dx I was given. I had no knowledge that A. It didn't have to be this way OR B. I didn't have to be this way.
Yes, yes, it's all very painful etc. but there comes a time or there did for me when I got fed up with all the drama.
I hope you too in the future find real help, and realise you are not powerless and acting angry, hurt, victimised isn't the only way.

Hi Daeva,

I'm so sorry you're feeling hurt and betrayed.

From what it sounds like, your old T has been great up until this point. I think she's owed being given the benefit of the doubt until she has a chance to explain. To echo what the others have said, I think it could be either coding for insurance reasons, or she thought it wouldn't have been beneficial to your treatment to discuss right now.

My guess, without knowing any other information other than what you've provided is that she was probably waiting for the correct time to talk with you about it, if it is in fact a legitimate diagnosis. And you mention its a new diagnosis. Personality disorders are pretty major, and the timing of bringing it up while you are in a residential setting seems inappropriate. You were already going through major changes, and she probably didn't want to overwhelm you.

Again give her a chance