Fighting

I'm fighting myself at the moment. Fighting the thought, need and wish to ask T for a hug (I know T would give me one, T has stated she would).
But i can't ask.
I'm fighting with the feeling of neediness that I don't like, the need to be with T and the hugging thing.
But I want a hug from T so much.

Ask!

It is worth it. really!

I think T knows. T said to me in the middle of a melt down to just ask for what I want... I just can't.

I've even practiced asking, that feels stupid, but that didn't work either.

And do you ask at the start, in the middle, at the end?

I hope you are able to do it. I'm sure I would never be able to summon the courage to say the words, but I might go in wearing a "hug me" t-shirt. Best I could do.

Earlier seems better--less chance to back out. Once I finally asked my main T it was bliss. It is really good self-care practice to ask for what you need.

Thanks for the chuckle! I might use that idea too haha.

"Needy" is a self-judgment. "I need" is a feeling. Take your pick, but I say the second way of looking at it is both kinder and more useful. That's the beginning of self-acceptance right there, if you make the jump.

Also, you could just stick your arms out, and ask nonverbally. Even practising that might help you feel/see/think it differently.

Thank you for this! Kind of threw it up in my face, in a good way, about my self judgement. T has said that I am the hardest critic of myself to the point that it is extremely harmful.

Maybe I don't think I deserve a hug.

Good morning,

The T I did the most work with was huggable. When she retired, I started seeing Pdoc for therapy after 4 years of med management. After one particularly difficult session, I asked for a hug. He replied, "I don't hug patients". Being a smart ***, I told him I didn't ask him for a date, just a hug. We shook hands as I left.

Regards,

Sabra