Sorry folks. I couldn't think of a title.

All are welcomed on the couch. This thread operates like a general chat. We talk about everything!

Please don't take it personal if your post goes unnoticed. Just yell louder if you want some help!!!

Don't contact T while under the influence of mind altering substances as per StopDog. Some of us learned the hard way that it usually doesn't end well.

Okay......GO!

[stopdog]

That is a lot of exclamation points.

Yes it is. Yes it is.

Originally Posted by Jersey 2.0

Girl Scouts have been selling cookies. I'm pretty sure I don't need to eat one more thin mint cookie.

"Just a tiny little mint ... It's wafer thin!"

They are my favorite!

We don't have girl scouts here. Or girl scout cookies.

Do you have any sort of troop clubs that children can be involved in?

Oh yes, we have scouts - four or five different scout organisations - but they aren't gender segregated. Boys and girls didn't even sleep in separate tents at camp when I was a scout.

Interesting.

[Squirrel1983]

ARGH!!! I hate my family.

My grandma (mom's mom) just called me to tell me that my aunt (mom's sister) told her that my grandpa (dad's dad) was in the hospital WTF?!? My dad didn't bother to call me and let me know?

My aunt cleans my grandpa's house every other Saturday. She usually calls before she goes over to make sure he is up and dressed and stuff. She called yesterday and there was no answer, so she thought maybe he was in the bathroom. She called a few more times throughout an hour, but still no answer. She got the feeling that she should still go over to clean anyways. She gets to his house, his front door is open and she hears moaning coming from inside the house. So, she goes in and finds my grandpa on his back on the kitchen floor covered in poop and pee and very disoriented. She tried to help him up, but he said she was hurting him, so she called my dad and step-mom. They came over and got him up and cleaned him off, then put him in his recliner said he was fine and left.

My aunt was still there. He asked who how she knew him. She said she was S's sister. He asked who S was. She told him his son's first wife and T and L's mom. He claimed he didn't know a T or L. Then he looked at his pill box and asked her what day it was, she said Sat. He saw he also had Wed, Thurs, and Fri in there too and tried to take all 4 days at once, since he forgot to take them earlier. My aunt had to stop him. She called my dad and step-mom again and told them he was still very disoriented and needed to go to the hospital. They came back over. My aunt suggested to my step-mom that they put him in assisted living because he should not be living alone. My step-mom said that was NOT an option because it would use up all his savings and not leave anything for his kids to inherit, plus he was perfectly capable of living on his own. WTF?!?

Anyways, he's still in the hospital and I was never called and told. I called my dad after I got off the phone with my grandma and asked him about it. he confirmed my grandpa was in the hospital and will be until at least tomorrow. He told me he doesn't know who anyone but my dad is. He want's M to come visit him (M is his youngest son who committed suicide back in 1985). He has no clue where he is, he'll think he is in Indiana or North Carolina or Georgia. He's seeing and hearing things. He tells the dr and nurses everytime they come in not to touch him because his dr is XYZ (XYZ was his dr when he lived in WA). I asked my dad why he didn't call and tell me that my grandpa was in the hospital and he said because it was only minor and not that bad. WTF?!? I would call that pretty bad.

He turned 89 yesterday...what a way to spend your birthday...stranded on your back for who knows how long, then in the hospital.

I have been saying for a while he should not be living alone. But my dad and step-mom refuse to see it because they are concerned about getting his money when he dies. That is just wrong. It is his money, not theirs...if it needs to be spent for him to get proper care and live out the last years of his life happy and cared for, then it should be.

They never call me when anything happens. A couple years ago when he got lost driving and ended up about 150 miles south of where he lived, they never told me. When he drove 2 times after the state took away his license and my dad had to put Silver Alerts out on him, they never told me. They act like I am not a part of his life.

I tried asking what hospital he is in, since there are 3 or 4 different local ones he could be in. My dad refused to tell me. I mentioned I wanted to go and see him. My dad tells me that would be a bad idea because it would only confuse my grandpa as he would have no clue who I was and think a stranger was in his room.

I am very frustrated and p i s s ed right now.

[tametc]

I was looking high and low for my beagle, couldn't find her anywhere. Somehow she figured out there was a new couch, and she claimed a spot for herself before any of us got there! She's friendly, mellow, and likes to be petted. Beagle ears are very soothing to the touch. I'll share her with any of you couchies. Her name is Jewel, and she's a good listener!

[stopdog]

Squirrel - have you tried calling the hospitals to see if they will tell you he is there?
Also here we have a division of aging where people call to hotline elder neglect or abuse. Also if he can't recognize people, the hospital may not release him (in my state they would not) back to his home.

Oh Squirrel, so sorry tohear about your grandpa. Could you ring patient enquiries (i don't know if you have that over there) at the diff hospitals and find out? Its wrong to try and stop you seeing your grandpa. Is there a like guardianship thing over there? We had to get my mum under guardianship as my aunts and my bro and me couldn't work anything out about her care. I know what it is like being kept out of the loop.

[tametc]

Originally Posted by Squirrel1983

ARGH!!! I hate my family.
He turned 89 yesterday...what a way to spend your birthday...stranded on your back for who knows how long, then in the hospital.

I have been saying for a while he should not be living alone. But my dad and step-mom refuse to see it because they are concerned about getting his money when he dies. That is just wrong. It is his money, not theirs...if it needs to be spent for him to get proper care and live out the last years of his life happy and cared for, then it should be.

They never call me when anything happens. A couple years ago when he got lost driving and ended up about 150 miles south of where he lived, they never told me. When he drove 2 times after the state took away his license and my dad had to put Silver Alerts out on him, they never told me. They act like I am not a part of his life.

I tried asking what hospital he is in, since there are 3 or 4 different local ones he could be in. My dad refused to tell me. I mentioned I wanted to go and see him. My dad tells me that would be a bad idea because it would only confuse my grandpa as he would have no clue who I was and think a stranger was in his room.

I am very frustrated and p i s s ed right now.

Squirrel, I'm sorry to hear about this. You obviously love your grandpa and have his best interests at heart. Hopefully, adult protective services can step in on his behalf. Your family sounds greedy. I'll be thinking of and praying for you and your grandpa.

SD elder abuse thing sounds good.

[Squirrel1983]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Squirrel - have you tried calling the hospitals to see if they will tell you he is there?
Also here we have a division of aging where people call to hotline elder neglect or abuse. Also if he can't recognize people, the hospital may not release him (in my state they would not) back to his home.

I have not tried calling the hospitals, maybe I should. I'm not sure if they would be allowed to or not.

[Squirrel1983]

I thought about calling DCF (Department of Children and Families...they handle child abuse and elder abuse according to my aunt). I asked my aunt why she doesn't call since she has seen first hand how they treat him, she said she doesn't want to get involved. I only have second hand information of how they treat him...so I don't know how much they can do with it being not from my own experience. I could try though.

Off to try hospitals. I know his name and birthdate, so maybe they would be able to look up if he was a patient there. Hopefully they could release such information.

[stopdog]

Here all you do is call and report- then they have an obligation to investigate.

[Squirrel1983]

Well, figured out what hospital he is in. They asked if I wanted to be transferred to his room, I assumed since my dad said he was not lucid, it wouldn't help. They transfered me to the nurses station. I asked if he was allowed to have visitors. They said only those on his visitation list could come in and asked for my name. I am not on the visitor list. WTF?!? Now I am even more p i s s ed off.

[stopdog]

You could try talking to the social worker and telling her your concerns. It won't get you visitation, but it will get a record of elder abuse started. Here, I would advise you to file a petition to be guardian. I don't know your probate code so I don't know how it is done there.

Squirrel, I really think you should call the protective services people. It sounds fishy.

Squirrel, if they do release your grandfather to return to his own house (which doesn't sound like a good idea in his present state) there are some intermittent things that can be done... such as having one of those alert buttons that people living alone wear around their neck and it is set up to a company that will call the correct people for them... (my MIL has that) Also, there is a pill box that is automated... it has boxes for different times and days and at the appropriate time the section opens with an alarm so the person knows to take the meds... the rest of it is locked... My sister used it for her FIL when he was getting forgetful... My sister works as a home health aid where she goes in helps people get ready for day... sets up meals for them for the day... gets medicine organized but she is only there like 4 hours a day...

Its a shame your father sees it as an all or nothing decision. Now that he is in hospital, the decision may not be completely theirs.

[Squirrel1983]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Squirrel, if they do release your grandfather to return to his own house (which doesn't sound like a good idea in his present state) there are some intermittent things that can be done... such as having one of those alert buttons that people living alone wear around their neck and it is set up to a company that will call the correct people for them... (my MIL has that) Also, there is a pill box that is automated... it has boxes for different times and days and at the appropriate time the section opens with an alarm so the person knows to take the meds... the rest of it is locked... My sister used it for her FIL when he was getting forgetful... My sister works as a home health aid where she goes in helps people get ready for day... sets up meals for them for the day... gets medicine organized but she is only there like 4 hours a day...

Its a shame your father sees it as an all or nothing decision. Now that he is in hospital, the decision may not be completely theirs.

Thanks. He's had one of those alert buttons for a while but didn't use it whenever he fell. I don't know if he forgot what it was for or what, but he has one.

I thought about telling my dad he needed someone to come in and help him a few hours each day, but I figured they would be against that idea too. I work for a elderly care place on the weekends and during the summer, so I could easily get him signed up with them and have someone come over a couple hours in the morning and a couple hours in the evening. But, I'm sure they would say that was too expensive too.

[Squirrel1983]

Just emailed T asking for advice as well, since she may know how it works in my state. In case she already checked her email today, I also called her home office and left a message to please check her email as I had a concern I needed input on and sooner was better than later.

Now to see if she responds. She usually does.

[Chopin99]

Squirrel...your T will probably know what to do and who to contact. From my experience working in mental health (and in NC, not FL), don't know how helpful it will be (although I've been through all of this with clients)...

Call adult protective services and explain the situation. They'll take info from you, about the person and about you (unless you wish to stay anonymous). They will go almost immediately and investigate.

RTS may very well be correct that the situation may be out of your father's hands. The hospital will discharge him to the facility that the attending physician feels is most appropriate for him. This could range from back home all the way to skilled nursing.

It is very wrong that your dad and stepmom won't use his money for his care. My mom was my grandmother's power of attorney and she made sure every cent went into her care. She stayed at home a long time but her money paid for aides to come and sit with her 24/7/365. I'm sorry you are going through this.