A different t for a different phase.

Have any of you grown out of your t?
I feel my needs are different now that I have come to accept was has happened in the past. For a long time I tried to deny everything which caused me great stress and anxiety!
I feel like my t can't understand this different me and still refers to me as the same client I came in as. I have tried to explain what I need now but she thinks I am fine and when I say I am not she lists all the reasons I should be happy.
I guess I am missing her now that I have made the decision to get a new t.
My old t was always very consistent and never let me down so I guess I am scared of what will happen with this new t.

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((((((((Big hugs, Mona))))))))

I don't think I have 'grown out of' my T, but I have sought additional treatment from another T, as you know. I do think different T's can fill different needs - and maybe your old T has brought you as far as she can (whether at this point or altogether). Seeing a new T and leaving your old one is a daunting thing, and I know you're going to miss her, but I bet her door is still open if you need to go back.

From what you've said so far, therapy with this new T could be really positive.. Seems like she has a different approach that could help switch things up a bit and heighten your awareness of what's going on for you in different ways. Good on you for being brave and giving it a go

Telling someone they "should be happy" is not helpful and I am surprised a therapist would say that.

Do you sill find it helpful seeing your new t compared to your old t, JSG?
I know they don't recommend seeing two t's but I do because they all work so differently and really some clients are not suited to each t's methods.
I feel like I have lost a mother with my old t because she played the good mother and bad mother role for me. She would punish me if I misbehaved( got worse) and if I was on my best behaviour,behaved as she would like we got on perfectly.
It had got to the stage were we just chatted as two professionals would. She treated me as if I were another t and not as a client. Granted I am training but it doesn't mean I still don't have problems or unresolved issues.
I am telling her next week via text that I need a break. I am trying not to hurt her feelings by telling her what has been happening, perhaps she already knows and thinks I will just carry on with her forever like this but we are in a recession and I feel as though I am throwing money away and not growing or developing with her.
I like my new t but I have only had one session which went very fast for me and she managed to ask me more questions than any other t has in the three years I have been seeing the other three years so maybe this is a bit fast for me. I feel exposed after seeing her and as if my privacy has been evaded. Is it normal for a therapist to ask if you have been abused in the first session?
The training I have been provided with, it certainly isn't normal. We have been thought to wait and follow the clients lead so I am a bit confused and raw.

you are right, it isn't helpful or empathetic at all and always makes me feel worse.

Your T sounds like she is "too close" to you and it is affecting her judgment and potentially hurting you (or at least wasting your time and money). It does sound like it might be a good idea to say good bye at this point.

All three Ts I've seen either out right asked the question or it was on the new client questionaire.... It doesnt mean you have to answer... I told first one no...because I didnt see it as abuse... Told the 2nd one i wasnt discussing the past so I didnt see it as a question that needed an answer ....and the third....I told him it was the reason I wanted to see him

Yes I think you are right, it's too hard to be around her lately and I think her feelings for me are worse than mine.

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Really, in a questionnaire? That is highly unusual for this country anyways.
Maybe because it's a different style of therapy and I just need a while to get used to the directness of her questions but I think this is what I need too because I have wasted so much money going around in circles waiting for ts to ask me the right questions!


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"I am telling her next week via text that I need a break. I am trying not to hurt her feelings by telling her what has been happening, perhaps she already knows and thinks I will just carry on with her forever like this but we are in a recession and I feel as though I am throwing money away and not growing or developing with her."

If you can't tell her what's going on and just sending her a text message... that seems like an issue in itself, to have been seeing her so long but not be willing to be honest about where you are with the relationship? Wouldn't you think it was anti-therapeutic, given your training in psychology, to have the mindset that clients should try to protect their therapists?

Yes it is anti therapuetic and this is why I am moving therapists and it is one of our goals to get me to express what I really feel which I have had great difficulty doing with this t. I can't blame her entirely because I have gone along with it for the last while.

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