Therapist attitude to medication

I have really stupid problem.
I was on Xanax, I used to overdose it, my therapist always told me that I'm doing wrong, it's addiction and it won't heal me. One day he was angry and told me- if you need some medication, go to another psychiatrist.
I was intoxicated two times by overdosing Xanax with alchohol. I know I made big mistake, I regret it. It wasn't suicide or suicide attemp, I just was too depressed and wanted to forget everything, now I'm okay.
He has really negative attidute for meds (esspecially Xanax and other benzos), so I didn't take them anymore because of him.
Now I have horrible panic attacks everyday which I didn't have before, it started because of cough and maybe because of cough medication.
I HATE medication, I feel miserable, I can't take this because my therapist hates that I take Xanax. I can't lie to him, I can't just go to another psychiatrist.
I feel addicted if I take Xanax but this panic attacks are killing me.
I don't know what is worse- to feel miserable and addicted and sick by taking Xanax or suffering from panic attacks.
I feel emotionally okay, I'm not depressed, I'm not stresful, everything is alright, I just have horrible panic attacks, I can't breath, there is no psychological reason.

I don't know what to do

Why do you have panic attacks? If you get to the root of that, you can maybe overcome them. Also, an SSRI like Zoloft may help too. Are you on anything? What's your diagnosis? Do you see a therapist as well as a psychiatrist?

Oh, I didn't realize this was you Melania.

I would say switch psychiatrists if you can. This one doesn't sound like he's really helping you.

I'd say, when you consider all the other areas you are having trouble with the doc.. I'd say switch docs, hands down.

Warning this is probably not what you want to hear so if not skip right over it!!

If you have a history of abusing Xanax especially with alcohol really they shouldn't prescribe it for you. At this moment you are feeling okay but what about a little down the road when you are not?? Even if it isn't because you are trying to OD you could accidentally in which case intent doesn't matter. With T, pdoc and whomever else you need to find a different alternative.

I started to have panic attacks because of cough.
I have been to another psychiatrist but the problem is- I feel so sick, so f***inkg sick and miserable by taking medication. I hate medication. I was addicted, I abused this medication, no wonder my therapist hates it and I hate it too.
I don't want to continue my life like this- taking Xanax everyday. I'm too young, just 22 years old.
I feel like I'm doing something against myself by taking them and my therapist attitude makes it worse. He knows I'm ex-drug user.

Maybe I shouldn't write it here but I'm so desperate

You are right. I know it, my therapist knows it too.
I know I can abuse any medication if something went wrong. I hate it but this is me- impulsive and uncontrollable and sometimes stupid person.
I don't want to use any medication but panic attacks are something horrible.
I understand my therapist, he wants to save me from myself, I almost died.
I want to stay away from any medication, I just don't know what to do

SSRI's are not addictive. I really think you need to look into taking either Zoloft or Paxil. They can reduce the severity and frequency of panic attacks and help with the depression it seems you may have (based on self-loathing comments).

Keep writing..people here care.. I am with you I hate taking medications... have you tried anxiety meds that aren't benzos?? I didn't intend to be mean or harsh in my last post. Benzo's just scare me and I do have a prescription for Lorazepam but I RARELY take it... because of the effect they have

And there is one thing- I feel like noone can love me if I take medication, because I'm sick if I take them. I don't want to be sick.
I think my therapist can't love me if I'm doing something he hates.
I know it's stupid.

Hazelgirl and Nottrustin- I was taking other medication too- Zyprexa and Zoloft.
I overdosed it, when I felt desperate. I hate myself for doing this.
These are the last medication I was taking but nothing helps me with anxiety except Xanax.

Not taking medictions will only make things worse...do you take antidepressants??

I don't take any medication.
I didn't have panic attacks before, I don't have depression.
When I had nervous breakdown I took Zoloft which made me very energetic first 4 days, I felt like using something like amphetamine. After some days this effects faded and I started to take Zoloft too much to get this effect again.
Things got worse and I gave up Zoloft.

That's not true. That's definitely not true at all. Just because you take medication, it doesn't make you unloveable. Medication has nothing to do with your worth. It just means your brain is missing some chemicals that it needs. The medication puts those chemicals back. That's all it does.

Maybe try Paxil, then. That effect from the Zoloft was a side effect that will never come back after it wears off. It's not because of the medication itself, it's your body reacting to it. It doesn't happen at higher doses and trying to get it to happen again is dangerous and a waste of time.

Thank you.
Paxil was the first antidepresant I ever taken and it was 3 years ago. I felt anxiety when I took this med and sometimes I even had derealization.
I was too active even taking amitryptilin which is very sedative and people say that they get sleepy taking this med.

I was trying so many medication and had strange reactions (even hearing voices), Xanax was the only one that helped me.

My therapist wants me to get through my problems without medication and I feel so bad that I need them. He thinks I'm again on drugs and it's killing me. But he was right, before a mounth I took Xanax with alchohol. I regret it, I want to change, I hate myself, I want to be normal and free from medication.

Do you have antidepressant-induced bipolar disorder maybe? If so, maybe trying a mood stabilizer would help more than an SSRI.

By the way, that's not technically a diagnosis. It is more a pattern of responding to antidepressants. Some people just can't take antidepressants because it makes them energetic and highly anxious.

If you were taking Xanax every day for a few weeks, and you just quit then that would explain why you're having panic attacks - you're experiencing withdrawal. Are you having trouble sleeping, feeling really manic like full of energy but in a way that makes you want to scream and tear your hair out, are you getting any shakes, sweats, muscle spasms or twitches, what about pressure headaches or just feeling like you've got a really bad flu? If so I'd have a word to your Pdoc and let him know that you need to be tapered off the medication, not just told to stop taking it. As a Psychiatrist he should know you don't just kick someone off Benzos if they're physically dependent on them.

I was thinking about it. I don't have diagnose bipolar disorder but when I was reading about it I recognised that I have some symptoms. Maybe it's because of my borderline personality disorder.

I was taking mood stabilizers- Lamictal and Sodium Valproate. I didn't have any side affects (and that's good) but nothing changed.
As I said I've been taking soooo many meds. It never helped me (except benzos for anxiety).

I was taking Xanax everyday for a year Maybe you are right. I will talk about this to my psychiatrist.
And yes I have trouble sleeping (I can't sleep at all or if I sleep I'm waking up all the time), I'm really full of energy and if my physical body is out of power I feel anxiety. That's all.
I was taking pseudoephedrine and DXM for cough (still taking DXM 'cos cough is really disturbing and like attacks). I think I have panic attacks because of cough and cough medicine but I'm not sure. Cough medication makes me very, very full of energy, I didn't overdose it.

So it might be good to try different mood stabilizers. There are a ton of them out there, so a different one may help more.

Do you take cough medicine every day? If so, you might have an infection or something else going on. You should not need to take it every day. I would make an appointment with your primary care doctor to find out why you cough so much. And it might also help to, when you cough, remind yourself that it's just a cough and that you won't die from it. Also, you might be having panic attacks from the cough simply because you believe you will. If you anticipate a panic attack, then you are more likely to have one simply because you believe it is going to happen.

I was at hospital because of cough, I lost my breath. I was afraid it's asthma but doctor told me that it's not. Also no infections.
Doctor told me to countinue using DXM or codeine because I have unproductive cough and tracheitis. Nothing serious just sometimes really hard to breath. Doctor told me that it's because of anxiety, not because of cough.
Yeah, it's hard to understand. But when I started to use DXM I felt that it really stimulates me.

Maybe when cough will be over everythings gonna be okay.

It sounds like the anxiety causes the cough which makes you even more anxious. So you have to learn how to manage the anxiety so that it doesn't cause you to cough.