Abandonment Issues

Hi, I've been reading some of the posts on this forum lately, as I am in a difficult place right now. Many of the posts have been very helpful so first I want to say thanks to everyone that contributes.

I also wanted to ask if anyone has any fears that their T will abandon them? I trust my T but I feel like I hold back in therapy a lot because I fear that she will think I am "too much" and will need to refer me to someone else. I hate this because I really just want to be honest with what I am feeling most of the time, but this fear is keeping me from really showing everything. I don'tt know what to do

Hi and welcome, SKB!
Yes, I felt this for more than a year with my therapist. I talked to him about it repeatedly, and it (mostly) went away, very gradually, when I saw that he did not in fact abandon me. The fear comes back now and again, but it does get a little easier. I hope that helps, and I recommend talking to your T about this. You are not alone in feeling like this.

Hi SKB! Yes I absolutely fear T abandoning me. We have touched on it, but it doesn't seem to ease it for me. I'm sure time will provide the reassurance.
In sessions sometimes when I'm fighting the fear of abandonment I force myself to trust in T at that moment, don't think outside the hour only now, and what I need. Sometimes it helps.

Thanks for your responses! I have a session tomorrow and I think I will try to bring it up. I'll let you know how it goes.

I think the very first session I had with T (my very first therapy session ever) I had fears about my T abandoning me. It's taken me nearly nine months, but slowly these fears have subsided. I still feel the occasional twinge of fear that she will up and leave and I get the odd nightmare or two, but it's gotten better.
I hope it gets better for you too.

I felt abandoned by Madame T when I was in session!

For me its helpful to start tere and move backwards. So - "Im afraid Im too much, Ill overwhelm you, and youll leave". And then can back up when ready enough to tell T what it all is.

Its a normal feeling for most. The thing is T has a lot of space from what we as clients struggle with so sometimes what is certainly overwhelming for us doesnt happen to them.

I think the benefit for you here is that your able to name the fear.
For me it was pushed away and I'd end leaving people not knowing why.
Of course it's to protect me from the one being abandoned.
Because you have words for your fear you'll be able to verbalise it in therapy.
Not that, that's a simple thing to do. But awareness is always a plus.

welcome . yes I always feel if I share to much with my T it would be to much for her .I feel she will be completely disgusted with me and ask me to find a new t. I have been in T for 4 years and am just this year beginning to realize that thins might not be the case. it is hard work .but if you stick with it the fear might slowly feel less over time

Yep, definitely have fears of rejection/abandontment.

I'm convinced that I'm going to frustrate my T so much that he won't want/feel able to work with me and that he'll be done.

I can't seem to get rid of that, even though I know it's just my own issue. Although I know that he DOES get frustrated as I'm pretty sure I'm out of his realm of experience - he's used to working with DBT and people who don't have much awareness... I have a high degree of awareness and behaviour control, and DBT doesn't seem to do much of anything except frustrate me.

I can relate. I worried about this for years and then it happened. But I am surviving. Life is going on and I am as ok as I can be. Yes, it's a scary thought and most likely won't happen, but if it does life can go on.

Thank you all for your honest and helpful replies! I guess I am going to have keep working on it and talking through it with her.

Yes - this is actually one of my biggest problems, it seems. But I had a previous T hurt me in this way so it's tough not to get triggered during my current therapy. I'm starting to wonder how I will ever get out of the distortions in my mind. When I'm in a full-blown episode, it's too late. I'm trying to notice it when it starts and circumvent the overload. It doesn't help that sometimes I feel like my T is getting tired of it all. I wouldn't blame him though, it is exhausting on both sides, I'm sure. Though much more so for myself, I would bet, since my T doesn't need to deal with me more than 50 minutes a week.

Sorry I don't know how to work through this since I'm in the middle of it. Been in therapy for a full year now, too /:

SK I have gradually realized that is exactly how I feel. I still need her. And sometimes I fear she will leave me before I am ready.

It took me ages (well over 18 months or more) to fully trust my Pdoc, because I was so scared he was going to turn out like almost all the rest I'd been to before and either underreact, overreact, be completely incompetent, abandon or abuse me. Even when I could feel the first stirrings of real trust beginning to develop there'd still be this voice inside my head after every session saying "He's still a Psychiatrist, remember you can't trust a Psychiatrist". Now that he does have my complete trust I have to deal with not worrying that he's going to abandon me, but worrying that something else will take him away from me (not as if he's 'mine' in the first place, I just realised how that sounded). Most recently with the Govt suits that don't even run the damn clinic getting in my Pdocs ear about keeping me on longer than they deem necessary, 'cause it's mucking up their discharge stats, definitely triggered off a 'oh holy cr@p no!' response from me. When I got told of the situation and Dr T said 'We may have a problem, they think you've been an open case for too long...' the look on my face must have been so terrified/concerned that I swear it was the first time I thought my Pdoc was going to lean across and actually pat me on the hand or something. And he never touches in therapy.

So yeah, I have abandonment issues, but I don't bring them up with Pdoc much, because I don't like to feel like I'm being too clingy with him. I've explained some stuff to him, and he's responded neutrally but positively at the same time. I don't consider it a major hurdle to therapy though, because I don't think it affects how open I am or how much I take in at any one session. Even so I still can't help thinking I have this amazing, wonderful Pdoc who I have forged this incredible therapeutic bond with, and it's all too good to be true, so when's it all going to end.