[melania]

I know some of you hates me but I will continue to annoy you with my stupid problems.

I hate myself for talking unimportant things in sessions, when something inside me is torturing me to death.
I wrote my therapist letter at night, which I didn't send, I wrote there all about my pain, my obsession, my dreams, I wrote everything. I though I could give him this crazy letter because I'm to weak to say it. But now when I read this letter I think- this is so crazy, so sick, I can't give it to him. Yes, it's sick but it's the truth. It will always be torturing me unless I tell it.
I know nothing bad can happen if I finally tell him everything but I can't. I don't even know why I can't.
I know I will meet him and tell him again something unimportant, something about what I really don't care and be angry to myself about waste of time.
I'm saying all the time that he can't understand me. But it's my fault. How can he understands me if I never talk about my real problems. And it happens all the time. When I'm pressing myself to tell him something about it I get too anxious and it stops me.

Maybe there is no sense to write it here but I'm so angry to myself. And don't say- find another therapist, it doesn't change anything, I can't tell anyone about it, it's not because of my therapist, it's because of me.
I'm sorry for writing this here.

[Willowleaf]

I think giving him the letter would be great. I bet the world won't end! I did this in the early days with my t. Once I even left the room whilst she read it as it was just too much. Have you thought of popping it in prior to your session or even talking about the fact you've written it, but don't feel able to give it to him yet.
I think a lot of people have similar problems so writing it down can be a way round this, especially initially. Good luck with whatever you decide to do

[recentdiscovery]

You don't have to feel bad about writing this out here, we're here to help and support and that's the purpose of this place, you're not annoying anybody.

It sounds like you already know what you need to do and you know there won't be any consequences for you opening up to your T. He/she does need to know the real issues at hand otherwise the sessions are mostly wasted time. The first step to you feeling better is letting those problems out and you already know that. I know it is hard for me to talk to my T about my real issues and it's hard to admit some of the problems I have, but I always feel a little bit better to get it out. I think you're doing the right thing writing it out on a letter if you don't feel comfortable talking with him, that's perfectly ok. Writing is a form of communication too, it doesn't have to be vocal.

Just make that step and I think you'll be happy you did. It is hard but gets easier the more times you do it. Good luck

[Alone & confused]

Oh honey, first of all, who here hates you? I certainly don't! And secondly, how is your T going to be able to help you if you don't let him know the real issues you need to address? What if you mailed it to him our left it with him After a session so you wouldn't have to be face to face when he read it? Could you do that? I know how hard it is to open up , but when you need help people need to Know what you need help With. Merely "talking about the weather" or whatever won't get to the root of the problem. I hope you find a way to muster up the courage to let your T know what's really on your mind so you can start to make some progress. Courage is simply the art of not letting anyone know how afraid you really are. Good luck to you!