[JaneC]

I do not know quite why I did it, all I can think is that because I am beginning to feel a lot closer to my T I now have some curiosity to know more about him?

So......I googled my T and got nothing but his private practice(I see him through a govt funded one) and so I then looked under his and his wife's name. Well.......I got way more than I bargained for and found photos and personal information.

It was lovely to see that he is in an obviously loving and caring relationship with a young family, which I already knew by the few things he has said, but nice to have that reinforced. But now I feel a little awkward for having looked for this info.

Up until this point I have had no desire whatsoever to check up on him, apart from looking at his private practise in case I ever get chucked out of the public system too soon. In fact, until recently I have avoided knowing more about him or asking questions or getting close in any way....it has felt far too dangerous and actually unnecessary to the process. I now think that to a degree that is not true, because building a supportive and consistent relationship will probably be the biggest factor in a positive outcome from this therapy......I have never experienced this so far in life.

Anyway, back to the issue....guilt for having looked! What I want to know is....why did I look? Why does anyone look? Should I talk to my T about this? Should I know the answers to why first?

I told my best friend about this and she asked if I had feelings for my T....which I sincerely don't think I do. But then who knows what is buried deep in my mixed up head?

Oh dear......any insight would help. Please

[feralkittymom]

No need to feel so guilty. Usually looking up fills a common need for security and closeness. In terms of your relationship with your T, it sounds like you realize this may be a good sign. I expect your T would see it in the same light.

[stopdog]

I think it is a usual thing to do, it is information publicly available, and you have not harmed the therapist. I personally see no reason to think you have done anything wrong.

[Perna]

If the guilt bothers you, tell him and he will probably help you feel less guilty. I found my T's doctoral dissertation and we talked about why I did that, what I thought, etc. and it was very comfortable/comforting and we had some good laughs and it brought us closer (I did not buy/read it, I could barely understand the title and complained about that and she laughed and talked about how boring the subject was and why and what it was like when she was a student working on it, etc.)

[RTerroni]

You were just curious, no big deal.

[penguinh]

Hehe I did the same thing. I Facebook stalked my psychiatrist and his wife. I went through a bunch of his wife's photo albums. Don't worry about it.

[Favorite Jeans]

Unless you hacked into his account or something, there's no violation. Public information is public...

But as to why you did it, I'd venture that you're curious about him. It's a weird relationship to share so much of yourself and know so little of him. Even tiny mundane details can be interesting in that context. Also you can have all kinds of intense "feelings" for him without having interest of a romantic or sexual nature.

[anilam]

I think any T should expect a client to google him/her and behave accordingly.
No need to feel guilty but if you will anyway, discussing it with him might be a good idea

[SmallestFatGirl]

As I like to say, the internet is forever. If you can find it through your Google Fu skills, then it's not exactly private information. In other words, what Favorite Jeans said.
Fwiw, I've looked up mine too. In the information age we live in, I think it's pretty common. Although I must admit it makes me curious if Ts look us up too.

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[OneWorld]

Originally Posted by SmallestFatGirl

Although I must admit it makes me curious if Ts look us up too.

I wonder this too. I realized on accident that T and I share a mutual FB friend when I was notified that she commented on a post after I did (not to my comment but to the friend). I wondered if she had looked at my profile (i looked at hers). We never talked about it but I rarely interact with that mutual friend via FB anymore b/c I'm afraid she will be analyzing it.

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[Yearning0723]

I think a lot of people do this; I wouldn't worry about it. I go to my T's website sometimes when I'm feeling anxious; it reassures me. I don't feel the need to tell her about it, and I don't think she'd have a problem with it if I did. I do the same thing with mentor-figure's facebook and linkedin pages sometimes. It's comforting.

[JaneC]

Originally Posted by penguinh

Hehe I did the same thing. I Facebook stalked my psychiatrist and his wife. I went through a bunch of his wife's photo albums. Don't worry about it.

Oh gosh...so did I. Well I don't like to think I stalked her...it was the first link that came up with her name! Did see wedding photos, and it was lovely. Still.....feel a little weird about it.

[JaneC]

Originally Posted by SmallestFatGirl

Although I must admit it makes me curious if Ts look us up too.

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Huh....now wouldn't that be weird also! What a thought. lol

[JaneC]

I think what makes me feel guilty/weird is that the first thing I found was a testimonial he and his wife had posted on a website, and it had specific details about their baby etc. Maybe that is why I feel bad, because it involves a child?

A lovely looking family....very happy. But then my T put a photo of his family in his office about 6 months ago. I have purposely avoided asking to look at it or acknowledge it because that would mean I was getting to close to him and vice versa.......now though I feel that I may ask to look. Strange huh?

How long from the beginning of your therapy until you began to feel curious about your T? Did this mean you were feeling closer/safer more secure in the therapeutic relationship?

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by JaneC

Oh gosh...so did I. Well I don't like to think I stalked her...it was the first link that came up with her name! Did see wedding photos, and it was lovely. Still.....feel a little weird about it.

I can still remember the first time I looked up a previous Therapist of mine on Facebook and I saw a photo of her with another guy...............I got so jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[JaneC]

Hah! Thank goodness I don't feel jealous.....I actually feel glad that he has a clearly devoted wife, their love was evident in the photos.

Maybe it helps me to even entertain the thought that a healthy and mostly happy relationship is possible, despite my history which tells me otherwise.

It is a strange thing!!!!!

[refika]

I definitely relate to your feelings of guilt and what you're going through. I've been there and sometimes, I'm STILL going through it. A few months after I started working with T, I found his dissertation. Hey, it was published on his university's website! In his acknowledgments, he mentioned his wife and children. So, curiosity got the best of me and I used my Google skills to find out more, a lot more.

Guilt eventually got the best of me that I knew a lot of personal things about T and he didn't know I knew these things. So one day I told him. He was mad, REALLY mad, but I didn't know that until much, much later. In fact, just the other day, nearly 9 months after I told T what I knew about him, he admitted how much my actions hurt him.

Nevertheless, our relationship has grown stronger because I was able to explore WHY I wanted to know more about T, and that gave me insight into another aspect of my self and my personality that I kind of always knew, but denied vehemently, but because of my actions could no longer deny and instead was forced to work through.

If your T is professional, caring, and understanding, they should be able to accept what you did. Be prepared that they may be hurt and upset, and even angry, but as my T told me, when I begged him not to be angry with me, I needed to let him have those emotions. However, I think you will feel MUCH better for telling T what you did, it will remove the guilt from you and perhaps you will have the chance to look into the motive behind your actions and grow from that introspection.

It won't be easy, and it won't be painless, but it IS part of therapy and it WILL Be beneficial in the end.

[Person66]

This isn't a big deal at all!
All you did is use google to find out some basic info about him, you didn't hire a P.I. to dig up all his dirty secrets.

[SmallestFatGirl]

Because of this conversation, I actually went to look at T's Facebook last night, and saw he'd changed his privacy settings so it's tightly locked down. In a way, I'm proud of him. Homeskillet figured out maybe having some public posts may not be exactly wise. Then again, there's that paranoid feeling that he somehow knows I've snooped on him, and that's why he changed the settings.
Isn't this stuff such a mind trip?

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[stopdog]

In my opinion, thinks like this just become things a client can obsess over and punish themselves as a sort of punitive indulgence. It is not wrong to look at publicly available material on anyone. People often seem to be curious about their therapist (remember therapists are who set the game up so that they are mysteries), therapists know or should know this and take whatever precautions to ensure material they do not want to be public, out of the public realm. Students look me up, drive past my house, read things I have written and so forth. So long as they are not showing up on my doorstep - It just does not bother me. Any therapist who gets angry over being googled needs to find their own therapist and get a grip on themselves. Frankly I would think a therapist who got angry over that is really angry at themselves for failing to keep personal stuff off the internet if it is something they don't want clients to know or see.
I don't think there is anything to feel guilty over and I don't think confession is necessary or even good - who is the therapist/what would give them the power to absolve a client?

[OneWorld]

Would you feel badly enough to tell a doctor that you googled them? Or a nanny or maid? IMO, it is the right of the individual to do what they need to make sure they trust that professional. I google every single specialist before I take my son to an appointment with them - the difference with this is that you are also possibly looking for evidence in their personal life that they are trustworthy. I don't think that's a bad thing though.

My cardiologist is actually now my friend and I told her that I looked her up before our appointment and she said that shows that the patient is taking an active role in their care instead of passively accepting whomever is on the referral.

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[SmallestFatGirl]

Now I wanna Google all my care providers, just for shits and giggles. This has been a good thread. Thanks, guys.

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