[nottrustin]

I finally had the nerve to talk to T about a very difficult situation....a little background. Back in September I was in a really bad space. She knew that I was had a lot going on but since I tend to know completely tell her what is going on she didn't know the extent of things. One Saturday I had a bad day and ended up talking a handful of my trazadone because I felt like I was drowning and needed help. However, I don't know how to ask for help. As soon as I took them I regretted it and tried to vomit up the meds. When that failed I told dh about it and had him call T. I got scared and minimized everything and told t and dh it was because I was so tired and just needed sleep (my sleep was horrible at that point). She recommended I go the the ER where she works and that she would explain to the Dr. that it was not an attempt to hurt myself or SI. After taking charcoal and dh and T talking to the Dr. they agree I would be fine to go home as dh is a great support and I would have an appt the next day with T. At that I appoint. I continued to tell t that I just needed sleep. So things continued a slow downward spiral until about a month and half ago I got to the point that I literally felt numb...so I had a med adjustment.

The sleeping pill issue continued to bother me so I decided I need to talk to T about it tonight. I told her that back in September I felt like I was drowning but felt like there was nothing that could be done. I knew I needed help that but didn't know how to ask plus there was really nothing that could be done. She understood what was going through my head and said that there is always something that can be done if we find a way for me to open up. She told me that we both need to look back at the signs were back then to learn from them for the future. She mentioned that hopes that I can feel safe enough for in the future to say something. If I ever get to that point I need to call her or if it felt safer I can email her or even write it down and bring it into session....felt like productive session just hope I can eventually figure out to ask for help. As T said I am the caretaker who freely asks offers help but can't ask...

[Freewilled]

I'm proud of you for telling your T about what happened and how you were really feeling I need to do something similar....I am always the caretaker, too. It's so hard to let someone else take care of me....

[CantExplain]

Hooray for DH!