Normal in therapy?

First, I'd like to say how happy I am to have found this forum. I have so many questions about therapy but don't have anyone to ask since I haven't told anyone I'm going

Sometimes when I'm in a session, I wonder if I'm doing things that she sees all day or if I'm, well, weird. lol

So here are the things I've wondered about ... feel free to add your own quirks if you also have things you wondered about.

1) I get really nervous every. single. session. Seriously, I have to begin every session with calming breaths and stuff with her because my hands are shaking and I'm super jittery when I get there - I start dreading it days before I go. I thought it would go away after I got to know and trust her but it hasn't.

2) I don't look at her when I'm talking. I can tell you every detail of the room past her. I can tell you what her pants and shoes look like and the details on the carpet or the way her chair lines up with the edge of the design ... but I couldn't tell you what color shirt she was wearing. Or describe her hairstyle that day.

3) I don't cry. Or even have to fight back tears - even if we're talking about deeply emotional stuff. I feel the emotions, but they don't manifest themselves in tears. Is that normal or does she think I'm messed up for it?

4) I feel really awkward talking about the therapeutic relationship. I'm supposed to talk to her about any dreams I had this week that relate to what we're working on. She was in one of them (just as my T and we were having a session) but I feel so awkward telling her that she's in my mind during the week.

5) Is it okay to swear in therapy? I censor myself b/c it's a professional relationship but sometimes profanity just fits.

Are those things typical or unusual? I'm really fine with either answer, I just wonder if she's seeing this every hour with everyone or not.

1) I am starting to be able to breathe normally without having to fight anxiety at the start of the session. It's only taken me two years to get there.
2) It was usually like that for me, too. Now I lie down so I can't see T anyway, but I would look at his socks a lot, when I was sitting opposite him.
3) I think that's normal, too. I have had tears running down my face once or twice so I'm not exactly where you are, but I never really cry.
4) Talking about relationships is not something one does in general... or at least I don't. I find it excruciatingly hard. Fortunately, my T has acknowledged this, which makes me less embarrassed. But when I have something to say about him, I usually bring it in writing.
5) Yes, it's okay to swear. The therapy relationship should be less censored than other relationships, not more (easy to say, I know...) Your T certainly shouldn't have a problem with it.

1) Yes! I can't eat on therapy day until it is over. It makes me highly uncomfortable to go.

2) Eye contact is damn near impossible for me.

3) I do cry. Lots of people on these boards do not or can not.

4) I can't imagine any thing more awkward than talking about the therapy relationship. It also feels too circular and meta for me: Why am I paying to talk about the relationship I'm paying for to deal with other stuff?

5) I swear all the time. Why censor? That's my take!

That all sounds typical - or at least, a lot of it sounds like me!

I get nervous the day-of appointments... or the whole week if something upset me the time before. And I don't look at him very much if I'm feeling emotional - I always know what's he's wearing but couldn't tell you if he'd shaved that day or not. I get teary, but never actually cry... even though he's told me multiple times that it's alright to cry. And yeah, if he brings up the relationship (he's told me a bunch of times that he's trying to role-model being a trustworthy guy) I feel super awkward.

And I swear. But we're around the same age. But I even swore in front of the pdoc (My words were "it's like I'm taking f****** sugar pills!"... which later my T told me was a clear sign that I was NOT a happy camper).

1. I used to throw up before every appointment and would shake the whole time I was there. After 4 years, it has lessened some.

2. I only look directly at the woman when I am angry with her.

3. I have never cried in the presence of a therapist.

4. I do not talk about a relationship with the therapist with them.

5. I swear a lot.

This sounds very similar to me too! (Relief!)

1. I can't actually speak properly when I get there! It's weird it's like my voice is really hoarse and frail - it happens every time - really weird. Also I pull my fingers and hands all the time. A classic anxiety trait I believe?!

2. Eye contact - I could tell you every detail of the room, the view from the window and I can tell you every detail of her shoes! The rug and the chair but I hardly ever look at her face. I am trying to.

3. I really want to cry. I wish I could let it out! I have had a wobble recently which was a massive breakthrough for me so I hope it is coming....

4. The relationship - this is when I had my wobble! It means too much to me. She is super professional and detached. I really struggle with this.she has said things that really hurt - she is very blunt!

5. I haven't sworn yet although I nearly did the other week but she is so calm and serene that I would be mortified if one slipped out I front of her!!!

I think it is all pretty normal.

I get nervous the day of my appointments..I run through different discussions in my head all day. Then as I drive over, wait in the waiting room and first enter the room I take long deep breaths. We always spend the first few minutes talking about "happy things"

I can make eye contact if we are not discussing emotional or difficult topics. At which case I check out at the pattern of the carpeting ( could probably draw it out from memory) or something I have in my hand. I often bring a cup of coffee and fiddle with it during difficult discussions.

I have only cried in front of her but it is only for a few minutes then I take a deep breath and recollect so I stop. I have found playing with my mug makes it easier to not cry.

We have never really discussed our therapeutic relationship...I am sure it would be difficult The closest we have come is when I thank her for all her help and didn't know where I would be without her. She says she is always there for me but that really I am the one doing all the work

I do not swear in sessions but I rarely swear in general. I have to be really angry to swear which I never am when it comes to T.

1. Yes. It's gotten better, but I am still very nervous.

2. Sometimes, when I do happen to glance at her face, it's almost surprising because I forget what she looks like.

3. Sometimes, I want to cry, but I can't. I have never had more than a tear or two run down my face.

4. Umm, duh. I am getting better at this (mostly because most of my relationship thoughts are fear of her or anxiety relating to the relationship, which isn't very hard for me to talk about).

5. I don't, but I could if I wanted to.

1. I get nervous before sessions and sometimes I shake during the session but I get more comfortable as the session goes along. I look forward to therapy, it is pretty much the only thing I look forward to.
2. I try to look at her when I’m talking but it is hard, I just don’t want to look at her too much or away from her too much. I’ll ask her on Friday if I do this right.
3. I cry a lot. I feel the same way though, sometime I’ll talk about something sad or serious and I’ll feel guilty for not crying.
4. She knows I have a “huge crush” on her but it is always hard to talk about. I want to talk a lot with her on Friday about this stuff. She used to be in a lot of dreams but I never brought it up. Maybe I will on Friday.
5. I swear sometimes in therapy but I feel bad about it. I’ll apologize on Friday.

I think all of the things you've mentioned are completely normal. I tried to respond individually to each of your points.

1) If you've only seen her for a little while, you can't expect to have solid trust at this point. A relationship takes time to build. I think the nerves you are experiencing are normal. You are preparing yourself to tell all of your deep dark secrets and that's going to cause some anxiety, especially if you haven't shared these things with anyone else before.

2) I think this goes along with the first worry. It's normal anxiety. I think as you get to spend more time with her and spend more time in therapy and get more comfortable talking about sensitive topics with her, you will gain confidence. I never used to be able to make eye contact with my therapist. It took me a good couple months to be able to get the nerve to look her in the face. And I was so grateful when I was finally able to- all I saw in her eyes was love and kindness. You'll get there. Just give it some time.

3) It might be a defense mechanism. I never used to be able to cry in therapy. It just felt way too vulnerable. So I shut down. I would just not tap deep into my emotions enough to feel like crying. Again, give it time.

4) It's not uncommon to think about your therapist outside of the therapy room. She plays a unique role in your life at the moment and it's good to be as open as possible about these things. I am sure that whatever you dreamed about her was something she has heard before and she will know how to address. It's not weird. She will most likely welcome your openess and honesty.

5) I think that depends on the therapist. I've heard of some therapists that don't like profanity in the room (perhaps because it can bring a negative energy). Other times, therapists find humor in using slight profanity where it fits. My old t was this way. Just take a cue from your therapist. If she seems like a person who wouldn't mind, then go for it. The worst she will do is ask you to not swear in session or ask you why you feel like using that sort of language.

1) I also still get nervous. Some weeks are worse than others. But it is getting better for me: instead of sitting in one position the whole session, I now feel comfortable to move a little...lol When my T comes out into the waiting room to get me, she always asks me if I'm ready to come back...my answer is still "no"

2) I have difficulty looking at anyone when talking to them. I have to remind myself: "look at the eyes, look at the eyes". When there is something really difficult for me to talk about, I'll look anywhere but at my T (I prefer looking out the window at the view...lol). She does notice and she'll bring it to my attention and try to get me to re-focus on her.

3) I think crying and not crying are both normal. I used to cry at anything. The last few years I rarely have cried. But in therapy, psh, my T gets me to cry almost every single session. I sit there trying to fight it, and then I get mad at her for getting me to cry. I have actually snapped at her for trying to give me a tissue. And every week I don't cry, I make a point to celebrate it with my T and my fiance

4) Most my issues deal with my relationships, so my issues are directly reflected onto the therapeutic relationship. It sucks. I would rather tell my T how I'm mad at my mother than being mad at her. I also feel extremely guilty for "researching" about her, for obsessing over her during the week, etc. Yes, she knows. Luckily, she told me last week that she does NOT think I'm a stalker T's get to know (or are supposed to get to know) some of the most secret/intimate parts of our lives...of course we're going to be thinking about them.

5) Depends on the T. I try not to swear in therapy even though in my everyday life I swear. I thought my T was Christian (because of the college she went to), so I assumed swearing would be bad. I caught myself one day about to swear, and my T told me it was okay. I finally heard her swear a few weeks ago...now I feel much more comfortable if I accidentally do it.

1) Some days are better than others (last week I was eerily calm) but usually I pay my bill and then stop in the bathroom on the way to his office to do some deep breathing. I find getting to session 10 min early helps me stay more calm. There's something about car-to-therapy-room-quickly that does me in.

2) I can look at my T no problem, but when I'm talking that's another issue. It's getting better, very slowly. I don't have much to look at Session is at night so I can't look out the windows. I fidget with my ring or my coffee cup as I talk.

3) There are days I sob when I'm alone. Then I will talk about what caused me to cry and I feel nothing. It's maddening. It's this exact thing my T is working on right now. He asks me to "check in" every few minutes and see if I can harness an emotion.

4) I get this, oh boy, do I get this. I have confessed my love for my T and told him I worried I was too attached.

5) I swear a good amount. I joke around that it's because I work with kids and censor myself so much that I deserve a release in therapy

I'd say you're totally on the realm of normal.

I think everybody's "normal" is different.

I'm never nervous about my sessions. Generally I look at him unless I am very depressed. While I don't like to cry, I do it freely. We never talk about the "therapeutic relationship" because while we have a strong relationship, it just isn't a need to discuss. I could swear if I did swear, but I generally don't. If I were to break out swearing, it would definitely be an issue because it would be completely out of character.

1. Yes, I used to get this nervous almost every time. Sometimes I would have panic attacks, I was often very anxious. I have seen her for a year now, frequently, and it is much easier now, the majority of the time, unless we've had a rupture or I am bringing up something new and very difficult, but in general, probably 80% easier.

2. Hmmm, we do therapy online and by phone so luckily I don't have that issue, haha.

3. Letting her know I was crying and then letting her hear me really crying hard on the phone was a long process, but after several months, I'm fairly well used to her being there for me when I cry and it has started to seem healing and like a huge relief instead of frightening and embarrassing.

4. Therapy is very often on my mind and my relationship with my therapist is important to me, so, yes it has been uncomfortable for me to be honest about that with her, but she's always been gracious, caring, and kind to me, so I have learned even though it is scary to admit, it will not hurt me to admit it.

5. Gosh, I hate this one! I *always* firmly believed that swearing was a terrible habit and I never swore, but after losing ground to PTSD, I found my temper was way up and I have a hard time controlling swearing at home and in therapy, so I do swear, figure therapy is a better place for it than elsewhere, so am trying to kind of taper off a bit on that one, but.. I figure there are worse crimes (hopefully)!

All these things are totally normal. My t says there is absolutely nothing she hasnt seen before.

Thanks, y'all I feel a little less weird now

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1. Yes. I am nervous every time I go in. But, he T is very good at chit chat to make things comfortable quick.

2. I catch myself looking away and force myself to look him in the eye as much as possible.

3. I don't cry in session or rarely ever outside of session. Bugs me!

4. One of the hardest things for me was discussing how I felt about T to him directly. But, I am so glad I did. No big elephants in the room.

5. Swearing. Love it and T does it which humors me and reassures me that T is human.

1) she often yells at me in a joking way and says "yogi, how long have you known me? It's just ME! Don't be nervous, etc. etc"

2) please. Sometimes I don't even remember what her face looks like!

3) I cry often, but I never used to! It takes time. And allowing yourself to express that way. Don't fret :-)

4) I've never talked about the relationship, but the idea of talking about it makes me want to vomit.

5) I don't really curse too much. My T curses way more! Haha.

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How long have you been in therapy so far? All of this seems completely normal. Everyone has their own unique response to therapy and there is not a right or wrong way how to handle your sessions.
Being nervous is so common. I love therapy, it helps a lot...I've been seeing the same therapist for almost a year, two times a week with in between contact. I am STILL overcome by nerves and anxiety before each session.
Not crying is okay too. It's just how you handle the situation and each person is different. I agree that the Therapeutic relationship is completely awkward to talk about and still avoid the subject. I have touched it here and there but never let it go to far. Most therapists are open to the discussion though.
I used to be very timid about my language and the way I carried myself in each session. Now I will lay down, put my feet up, change chairs, and use profanity whenever the emotion calls for it. It's funny because her responses usually include the same exact language I used and it still shocks me a little each time. So I suppose she would have been okay with it this whole time! In reality it's a paid service and you are there for you. Whatever you need to say/however you need to talk is up to you and being professional takes away from really focusing on the work at hand.

Thanks I went for 6 months, took a 6 month break and started again 2 months ago. It feels longer.

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