[HealingTimes]

Sorry, long title! But yes, as per the title really!
I presume that ethics may be different in different countries etc, but has anyone experienced being friends with their T, once therapy has ended?

[HazelGirl]

I think it can happen in rare cases, but isn't and shouldn't be normal or mainstream.

[Shiny Things]

I wonder this too. One thing to remember is a friend acts way differently than a T, in that they wouldn't be fascinated by your stories and probably not seem to hang on your every word. Maybe T wouldn't be so "warm" if they weren't in the T role.

My first T and I have maintained contact now for about 30 years. A few times a year we talk on the phone or email, completely friendly interactions, not therapy related at all. We are kind of long distance friends, sort of like old school chums who stay in touch but aren't significantly involved in each others' lives.

I think the reasons this has worked is because (a) there was never any possibility that he would or could be my therapist again, (b) we live a fairly good distance from each other so we aren't talking about face-to-face contact, and (c) I never had issues of transference/trust, etc. that would make it messy. He's retired now and having fun playing with his grandkids.

[UnderRugSwept]

For those of us in the U.S only...the APA (American Psychological Association) does not say it should not or cannot be done. Neither does the NASW (National Association of Social Workers). That certainly does not cover every therapist in the U.S., but it does cover a certain percentage of them.
So I imagine each case should and would be different. If a client wished to be friends with a T post termination, I would hope a T would determine if being friends with a client would be healthy for that client (and also for themself!) and make a decision from there.

[unaluna]

Why would you want to? I mean, answer that seriously. Youre not necessarily friends with everybody who laughs at the same things you do, or that you get along with. Like your hairdresser. Or a random coworker or waitperson. Everybody has their own lives, pretty much.

[feralkittymom]

It's possible, but for most clients probably not advisable. It very much depends on the people involved, what issues brought someone to therapy, whether or not any transference has been thoroughly resolved, and what intentions are driving the desire to become friends. There's nothing unethical about friendship; I personally think any sort of romantic relationship is a very bad idea, regardless of the amount of time passed.

I've known my T for about 17 years post 11 years of therapy. We didn't have contact for a couple of years after therapy, not for any specific reason, but rather I just had no reason to contact him. I decided to write to him at that point, when he was retired, to tell him of my father's death. He was open to staying in touch, so we have. There have been a few years when we've lapsed.

It was not something we ever talked about while I was in therapy, nor did I ever think about it. There was no plan for it.

I think if a T is willing, a client has to be sure it's what they want. The therapy relationship is over. You can't have any illusions about that. Any fantasy about needs being met is a clear indication to walk away. I think you have to have a mutual respect and affection. And be willing to accept that it will be a boundaried relationship, but the boundaries will shift. The kind of intimacy that the alliance provoked is past. It's necessary to move forward while accepting the shared history of the attachment.

That said, it's been a rewarding experience for me, and I appreciate having him in my life.

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by hankster

Why would you want to? I mean, answer that seriously. Youre not necessarily friends with everybody who laughs at the same things you do, or that you get along with. Like your hairdresser. Or a random coworker or waitperson. Everybody has their own lives, pretty much.

For me it's not about shared interests. It's about shared lives, shared emotions, connecting on a thought level. And there was mutual caring for many years; that doesn't just stop because therapy ends.

Originally Posted by hankster

Why would you want to? I mean, answer that seriously. Youre not necessarily friends with everybody who laughs at the same things you do, or that you get along with. Like your hairdresser. Or a random coworker or waitperson. Everybody has their own lives, pretty much.

For me it was simply that he and I had a mutual respect and friendly interest in each others' lives as I moved on beyond college. We genuinely liked each other as people and wanted to keep in touch. We've shared a great deal about our lives over the years: births, illnesses, deaths, triumphs. You know, kind of like friends do.

[HealingTimes]

Thanks everyone for the replies, its nice to know that it has been possible for some of you.

Originally Posted by hankster

Why would you want to? I mean, answer that seriously. Youre not necessarily friends with everybody who laughs at the same things you do, or that you get along with. Like your hairdresser. Or a random coworker or waitperson. Everybody has their own lives, pretty much.

I think its more a case of Why wouldn't I want to? We get on well, we have similar tastes in music, TV shows etc, the same outlook on life, a similar sense of humour.
If I had a hair dresser or co worker that I could say the same of, I would want to be their friend.

I think its important for me to say that this question wasn't born out of a desire to not let my T go. In fact, I imagine that when therapy ends, there will be a significant gap in our interaction to 'let the dust settle' so to speak. It's more about having found someone who I have a lot in common with, and she just happens to be my T.

[stopdog]

I became friends with the first therapist I ever saw. We shared a hobby and did it together. A few times we saw movies or had meals together. It was just like a normal situation with a not super close friend.
I have not had the urge to do so with any subsequent therapist.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have not had the urge to do so with any subsequent therapist.

Neither did I. It isn't something that even enters your mind necessarily. As far as my current therapist goes, I know he'll be retiring eventually, but I don't see how the same kind of friendship could work with him. He is too close in proximity and it would be too tempting to slide into therapy mode with him (I think it would be the same for him). When we finally say goodbye, it will be goodbye, and that's a good thing really.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I wouldn't know what to label the relationship, but I have maintained contact with one of my ex-T's for 10 yrs. We only update each other about our lives, remember the past, and encourage each other. Right now, we only communicate through email, but I also haven't asked for more contact.

I have also maintained contact with a mental health counselor for 10 yrs. My relationship with her has less restrictions than my relationship with my ex-T.

I do hope to have contact with my current T after our sessions end. I have informed her of that already, but we haven't addressed it yet.

And I DO have attachment issues with all of these women. But they know that I will respect their decisions over my own wants/needs.