[archipelago]

First of all I never really saw myself as dependent in a bad way. My therapist was always supportive and willing to talk to me outside of sessions if necessary.

But at some point I started making a shift to processing things on my own and being more deliberate about what I shared. He has respected this process and noted it but not made an issue of it. At some point we will probably have a discussion about the shift.

I've always had this tendency but through a series of bad times with diminishing outside support my therapist had become one of the most important sources of connection.

That actually isn't changing in reality. What is changing is my own attitudes, a very internal growth period that feels very hard to share because it feels so vulnerable and hard to explain.

I don't want my therapist to feel that he is only a "worker" now, instead of someone special that I highly regard. On the other hand, I am not reaching out to him in the same way any more and even in session I am more pulled back.

Perhaps this is a phase in development. I don't know. I've been in therapy a long time, but not experienced this before. I sorta want to reach out and tell him how much he still means to me even if I'm acting differently. I'm just not sure how to balance the two.

[CantExplain]

Are you "pulling away" from him, perhaps?

[HealingTimes]

If yours is a reparative relationship, then maybe you have reached the internal 'teenage' stage. That stage is all about learning independence, trying to rely on yourself more and also choosing what you do and don't tell others.
This is a good thing, it demonstrates growth

[Asiablue]

The way you've written it (or the way i've read it) it doesn't sound so much like independence as it does withdrawing. Because i sense from what you say a feeling of isolation and maybe discomfort at not connecting with him in the same way?

[unaluna]

My t has claimed from the beginning that hes just a regular guy. Maybe this seeing him NOT as "someone special that you hold in high regard" is simply normalizing? Eta and a sign of growth on your part.

[PeeJay]

Originally Posted by archipelago

First of all I never really saw myself as dependent in a bad way. My therapist was always supportive and willing to talk to me outside of sessions if necessary.

But at some point I started making a shift to processing things on my own and being more deliberate about what I shared. He has respected this process and noted it but not made an issue of it. At some point we will probably have a discussion about the shift.

I've always had this tendency but through a series of bad times with diminishing outside support my therapist had become one of the most important sources of connection.

That actually isn't changing in reality. What is changing is my own attitudes, a very internal growth period that feels very hard to share because it feels so vulnerable and hard to explain.

I don't want my therapist to feel that he is only a "worker" now, instead of someone special that I highly regard. On the other hand, I am not reaching out to him in the same way any more and even in session I am more pulled back.

Perhaps this is a phase in development. I don't know. I've been in therapy a long time, but not experienced this before. I sorta want to reach out and tell him how much he still means to me even if I'm acting differently. I'm just not sure how to balance the two.

I think it's healthy progress if something comes up for you in your life and your first thought is not, "I need to tell my T about this," but rather, "I have the resources to handle this on my own."

It sounds like progress! If so, congratulations!

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by PeeJay

I think it's healthy progress if something comes up for you in your life and your first thought is not, "I need to tell my T about this," but rather, "I have the resources to handle this on my own."

It sounds like progress! If so, congratulations!

Generally this is the goal therapy and is something your T (and you) should see as great progress. I think you should feel good about it, unless of course there are other feelings involved like discomfort or anxiety or anything else.

But if the only difference is that when a problem arises you no longer feel the need to reach out to T, then that is great. It seems only natural you might feel like you are pulling away in session, since you have less that you "need" to talk about.