[HazelGirl]

I really don't. I am a stubborn and distrusting patient. I have to be frustrating to work with. But my T is incredibly patient. So yeah, I don't deserve her at all.

Anyone else feel this way with their T's?

[willowbrook]

Yes, my Pdoc is kind, empathic, fits me perfectly, always has something insightful to say, and he's also pretty high up in terms of the field of Psychiatry overall. I see him for nothing, and I always think 'what have I done to deserve such an awesome Pdoc' *cue the guilt* I totally feel like I don't deserve him, and his skills should be put to better use with someone who's far worthier than me. That's just my low self esteem talking, so I try to quash it by getting the most I can out of therapy so that I can 'prove', in a way, that I am worthy of my Pdoc's help.

[IndestructibleGirl]

You do deserve your therapist.

You are a human being, you deserve to heal from your pain and to feel whole. You'll do this with a skilled, talented and compassionate person - your therapist. You do deserve her. WE ARE ALL VALID AND DESERVING AND THAT INCLUDES YOU!!! Sorry to be shouty but it's the truth. I think it might be important to differentiate between knowing "I do deserve my T" and feeling "I don't deserve her".

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I really don't. I am a stubborn and distrusting patient. I have to be frustrating to work with. But my T is incredibly patient. So yeah, I don't deserve her at all.

Anyone else feel this way with their T's?

All the time. It's negative self talk giving us a false perception of reality. I wouldn't say you don't deserve her. You deserve her and you deserve to be happy.

[granite1]

it can be so hard to fight these old messages that play in your mind over and over again. im bad ,not worth helping, im horrible ,and so on. these kind of messages can be so deeply ingrained it is hard to see through them.
you are so very helpful here and compassionate .I hardly think your T ,or anyone here would agree with you self assessment . I know it is hard but maybe you could try to maybe just let small amounts of positive thought through . like if you are feeling worthless .think of some of the things you say here that supports others. small things.

[sweepy62]

hazelgirl, the negative ruminating will pass, and you do deserve your t, and your t deserves you, she cant make you believe that, no matter what she tells you right now you wont believe it, but she will continue to tell you, because you need to hear it, and you will hear it from your friends here at pc as well, you are a deserving human being.

[HazelGirl]

Thank you all. My emotions have been all over the place for these past few days.

Yes. I felt that way all the time.

Thank you for opening up and admitting this. You are able to admit what I'm afraid to come to terms with right now on an emotional level. You admitting it helps me reply back though and let you know that I feel the same way. My T is very patient with me, open with me, there for me, we have a great connection, and she is straight forward and sweet and overall just herself with me. I appreciate that more than anything...but I can't help but think and feel that this is to end at some point. She will get to a point where she is fed up with me and/or exhausted and annoyed with me. She will see the real me and be done. She will come to see that her time can be better spent and I can't help but agree with this thought. The more I trust her and am comfortable with her the more and more I feel like this. I keep myself at a distance.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by kneehole

Thank you for opening up and admitting this. You are able to admit what I'm afraid to come to terms with right now on an emotional level. You admitting it helps me reply back though and let you know that I feel the same way. My T is very patient with me, open with me, there for me, we have a great connection, and she is straight forward and sweet and overall just herself with me. I appreciate that more than anything...but I can't help but think and feel that this is to end at some point. She will get to a point where she is fed up with me and/or exhausted and annoyed with me. She will see the real me and be done. She will come to see that her time can be better spent and I can't help but agree with this thought. The more I trust her and am comfortable with her the more and more I feel like this. I keep myself at a distance.

This is exactly how I feel a lot of the time. Can you talk to her about it? My T is always reassuring me that this isn't true, even when I insist it is and tell her she's lying

[unlockingsanity]

I have felt this way, too. It could foster a really good discussion if you can bring it up in therapy.

[Yearning0723]

HazelGirl, what would you say to someone on this forum who posted exactly what you posted about feeling like you don't deserve your T?

Try to be kind to yourself.

[SeekerOfLife]

Depression, ADHD, anxiety. Sounds kind of like me. Perhaps you are having trouble with self esteem. Lately, I have been battling depression. Most of the time, it is just "there". But lately, it has been hitting harder. Hoping you are feeling better. Sending you an e hug. Give yourself a hug. Of course you deserve your T. Might be a good time to remind yourself how worthwhile and valuable you are. Unique.(I like that word). She obviously values you or the two of you would not be meeting together. She sees your value. It might help to actually have this discussion with her.

[HazelGirl]

I know my trouble is self-esteem. But it's impossible to see past it 99% of the time. Right now it's especially bad because I have had a difficult week. And the negative thoughts and emotions are more powerful right now. I've been having nightmares because I've been so stressed and overwhelmed. And in a weird and twisted way, I feel abandoned by my T because we are meeting tomorrow instead of today. But I was the one who changed the day because I'm going to a concert tonight. So I am being irrational and ridiculous in so many ways right now. It's just difficult to handle at the moment.

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I know my trouble is self-esteem. But it's impossible to see past it 99% of the time. Right now it's especially bad because I have had a difficult week. And the negative thoughts and emotions are more powerful right now. I've been having nightmares because I've been so stressed and overwhelmed. And in a weird and twisted way, I feel abandoned by my T because we are meeting tomorrow instead of today. But I was the one who changed the day because I'm going to a concert tonight. So I am being irrational and ridiculous in so many ways right now. It's just difficult to handle at the moment.

You are right, HazelGirl. Your self esteem issues are getting in your way. Has your therapist worked with you on practicing self care? It is essential. One thing my T. does to help me is tell me positive things that just flood my soul: like, you are awesome. Or i am so proud of you. My hungry soul just loves it. Hope wellness fills your day.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by seekersinking

You are right, HazelGirl. Your self esteem issues are getting in your way. Has your therapist worked with you on practicing self care? It is essential. One thing my T. does to help me is tell me positive things that just flood my soul: like, you are awesome. Or i am so proud of you. My hungry soul just loves it. Hope wellness fills your day.

Yeah, we do work on self-care at time. And I can do the actions of self-care, because I know I should and because that's what she wants me to do. But to actually care about myself is hard. I have to fight constantly with quitting everything and running away from life because I see myself as interfering and getting in the way of other people's happiness. I feel like I inflict myself on others and that they put up with me because it's rude to tell me to leave them alone. And I feel guilty about that, which just makes it worse.

[Aloneandafraid]

Hello Hazelgirl. I just wanted to let you know you how much your posts have helped me. You have amazing empathy. Just think how you would respond to someone else posting this? Also wanted to add that I feel so much of what you wrote in your post, actually I relate to everything. It is reassuring to know I am not alone in these feelings but I am sorry you are going through this. Thank you for sharing. It is good to let it out. Take good care of yourself, Hazelgirl.