[Ganymede00]

I've seen a couple of therapists since 2009 and I don't know if it's their approach or my stubbornness, but I never completely clicked with most of them. There was one, however, that I felt comfortable enough with. She was a Marriage and Family Therapist who did solution focused brief therapy as well as narrative therapy. Since our first meeting, she just let me talk about anything I felt was important and let me steer where our discussions went. I felt fairly "in charge" and I kinda liked that. In spite of this "openness", I felt like her role as a facilitator fell kinda flat. Even though I was encouraged to talk about my life story and she was able to tell me things about me that other therapists didn't pick up on, I felt I needed more. More direct and practical feedback in addition to the safe environment she was able to provide for me. I stopped seeing about 4 sessions in and I stopped seeing her about a year ago.

I saw a new T recently (after dropping my old one a month ago) and I just don't like the direction she is taking me in. Prior to our intake session (my only session with her so far), I set up a brief consultation with her to ask questions about her approach and stuff. She seemed like a "perfect" fit (psychodynamic, eclectic approaches, collaborative) but during our intake, she diagnosed me fairly quickly with major depression and starting steering me towards CBT. Because of prior experience, I know CBT doesn't work for me when used alone. I just find it frustrating and like it encourages me to intellectualize my emotions even more. I did share my hesitation with using only CBT and I'm not quite sure she agreed. Now, I cancelled our scheduled appointment cause I'm scared she won't budge and let me decide what would be best for me. Overall, she was just too symptoms focused for my taste and I just don't know if she is willing to use different approaches with me.

I've been trying to think what it is that I truly want from therapy and I guess I just want to be able to talk more freely about anything I want. Additionally, I also want insight and practical feedback. So now I am wondering, is this open discussion encouraged with any specific therapeutic approach or does it depend more on the therapist's willingness? Should I think more thoroughly about what it is I need from a therapist instead? Am I over-thinking too much about approaches? I don't even know anymore.

[RTerroni]

My current Therapist lets me talk very freely about whatever I want and is willing to answer almost all questions I ask her. She is also very flexible with boundaries and I like that as well.

[Ganymede00]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

My current Therapist lets me talk very freely about whatever I want and is willing to answer almost all questions I ask her. She is also very flexible with boundaries and I like that as well.

What type of therapist do you see, if you don't mind me asking?

[ScarletPimpernel]

Until I was directed to this site, I never knew there were so many therapeutic approaches. When I choose a T, I went solely by if I liked her or not (instinctual feelings).

My current T is CBT (according to her website). But here's the weird part: we were talking about finding my fiance a T. She mentioned that she knew a male CBT T. She asked me if I knew what CBT was.... In my head: "Seriously?!?!?! I though you were CBT too!!!!" LOL

Off topic: Yes my T has me totally confused on her therapeutic approach, her religion, her diet, and a bunch of other aspects...I think she has fun with it all.

Anyways, my T has actually told me that she can't use traditional methods with me. That's because I majored in psychology in college and because I've had so much experience being in the mental health field, that I already knew most the tricks and techniques. In fact, she has simply resorted to being a "mirror" for me. She just reminds me to use the things I already know. She helps me to live the techniques instead of just knowing the techniques.

My point: I really have never understood why people make a big deal about therapeutic approach. Maybe I'm lucky and have found T's whose styles work well with me? Idk. I just know when it feels right and wrong with a T; when there are things I can compromise on and things I can't. My T has to allow physical contact, has to have flexible boundaries, know when to be gentle and when to push me, has to be open and honest, and has to be supportive of my goals (and has to be female, but that's totally different). Beyond that, I don't really care much what they want to label themselves as...

[sweepy62]

To tell you the truth all I know is the new t my old t hooked me up with is a clinical psychologist and art therapist, I dont know, what she is using, but, she is very well structured, somewhat, more disclosing than my old t, very warm genuine, so im not going to as right now, its only the 5th session.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Ganymede00

What type of therapist do you see, if you don't mind me asking?

I regular individual Therapist I guess, she just happens to fit my mold.

[unaluna]

Ganymede: try older? Or male?

[blur]

It sounds like maybe a combination of psychodynamic & client-centered would work. Client-centered, also called person-centered, let's the client steer the therapy and being humanistic they tend to be warm & compassionate. A little psychodynamic thrown in for insight would be good. Some of it is probably approach and some partly the T's own personality. It's also really helpful to tell the T what works for you. I tend to like feedback & practical solutions as well and found asking for this made it work a little better.

[feralkittymom]

I think relationship and training/ diverse experience is more important than labeled approach. The most popular description Ts use is "eclectic" anyway. Ideally, you want someone who will respond to you as an individual, rather than as a collection of symptoms, and tailor their approaches accordingly.

But you may also want to give some thought to why you ended previous therapy attempts. Your first T let you lead sessions and tell your story, but you ended after only 4 sessions because you wanted more practical feedback. Another T you were unsatisfied with because the attention seemed too much on practical interventions. This seems contradictory to me.

Could it be that defenses are getting in the way? Relationships develop over time, and it doesn't seem like you've been willing to take the risk to let that happen.

[Ganymede00]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I think relationship and training/ diverse experience is more important than labeled approach. The most popular description Ts use is "eclectic" anyway. Ideally, you want someone who will respond to you as an individual, rather than as a collection of symptoms, and tailor their approaches accordingly.

But you may also want to give some thought to why you ended previous therapy attempts. Your first T let you lead sessions and tell your story, but you ended after only 4 sessions because you wanted more practical feedback. Another T you were unsatisfied with because the attention seemed too much on practical interventions. This seems contradictory to me.

Could it be that defenses are getting in the way? Relationships develop over time, and it doesn't seem like you've been willing to take the risk to let that happen.

Yeah, I've thought about why I stopped seeing them but part of it comes down to money. I don't have much money to spare and I'd rather not invest too much money in a T if I feel it won't work out in the end. Ultimately, I have to be very selective, even if I hate it and know it's not the best way to approach therapy. If I had all the money in the world, it wouldn't even be an issue and i'd be out there trying every therapist possible. But alas, consultations cost money that I don't have and that's reality.

About the contradictory thing, I've learned that I need a combination of practical advice and the opportunity to talk freely. So far, every therapist I see does one or the other and never a combination. That's what's so frustrating about all of this

[feralkittymom]

I think what happens in the first few sessions isn't necessarily an indication of what will happen over time in the course of therapy because as the relationship grows, it changes. I just think you'll have better luck seeking referrals from people whose judgement you respect, then schedule brief meetings, maybe 30 min to try them on; many Ts offer free or very reduced fee introduction sessions. A T with solid credentials, several years of experience in a variety of settings, should have a basic competence in the most common modalities which allows them to shift as needed.

My T had a psychoanalytically influenced background and practiced psychodynamically with me, but was also fluent with CBT, hypnosis, etc, and incorporated them as useful. I think you want to look for a generalist with a broad experience.