Horribly jealous of T's daughter

Perhaps you should start being explicit about that when you post threads. This is a support and discussion forum - if you merely want the support that is love and hugs, then ask for that.

If you aren't explicit in what you want from people on this forum, then you will just have to accept the fact that people will post their opinions to you - all of which are trying to be supportive, even if you don't like to hear it and ignore it.

If that is not the kind of support that you want, then you have two choices: 1) make your desires explicit in your threads or 2) start a blog.

Panda, this is a great response. And I agree with you. If people want positive support only, I believe they should state it.

Excuse me? "Many people are not effective listeners..."
Is that what we are supposed to be here? Effective listeners? I don't even know what that means on a forum like this. Also, we are not therapists, we are just people in our own worlds and what we have to offer is always mixed with who we are. And that goes for the original posters as well. There is a reason people share their story with us here on PC. For everyone the reason might be different.
But if this was a place where the only "right" reaction is to give unconditional and total support and validation to everything the OP says, then in my opinion it defeats the purpose of a forum?

Perhaps I am in the minority, but I came here to PC because I am interested in other people's experiences and opinions and of course for support. And I am hoping to see different perspectives so I may adapt them for my own life.

But if I am expected to be able to read a strangers mind from a post, if I am expected to always know the right thing to say, then I will fail miserably. Because all I have to offer is my own experience and what I have learnt. If someone doesn't want my opinion, then fine.. They can block me, I don't mind.m But if it is an open thread, then I want to feel free to say what I want to as long as I am not insulting anyone.

Amelia

We have been responding effectively and with care and support for those following growly throughout her journey, through emotional roller coasters and such, as we as well go through our stuff on here, we are not professionals, we are here to give our oppionions respectfully, We are not here to be active and effective listeners, as we ourselves are here for support as well.

Growlys posts suggests that she needs oppinions and help from pc, because its not otherwise stated, but when its given, the op states, that people are guilting her or accusing her, maybe then growly should pm people she is most comfortable with I suppose, in my oppinion, or keep posting here to vent, or as panda suggested, just attach that she only wants positive supports and no recommendations, and thats great.
People on pc have been nothing but supportive for growly and have taken the time and have been thoughtful and have suggested many positive ideas toward her growth, and I have often apologized if I rubbed her the wrong way.
but to say people are not effective listeners, is a bit too much in my oppinion, as we are not professionals on this board. Thank you, in no way is this post to offend the op or growly.

I definitely appreciate all of your help and responses, even if they are aren't always what I want to hear or if I disagree. I deeply appreciate you guys' time and effort and I respect your point of view even if I might not see it the same way.

Amelia, I don't know if you realize it, but you sound extremely defensive and angry in this post. It sounds like you need other people to take your advice for some reason, and you can't stand to be attacked.

I would advise you not to get so emotionally involved in other people's lives on here. It's not healthy and will send you through emotional roller coasters.

I am not defensive but as others have picked up on as well, labeling people who have a different opinion or share their own experiences that may differ from what people want to hear as "ineffective listeners" was just as much judgment as you have just given by saying this here. My post was very clear - I can only speak from my own experience - as all of you can. I am not here to on PC to push my opinion on anybody, I - as all of you do - share my opinions. I don't mind if someone else has a different opinion - I even invite different opinions! But I don't invite judgment and I don't pass judgement.
Nobody needs to take my advice or take anything anyway from my opinion - does that mean I should just shut up??
So does that mean I am not welcome here because my opinions may sometimes be too strong?

You don't even know me, and I don't know you... So making a statement like "you can't stand to be attacked" is a little strange - because.. well.. do you? Nobody likes to be attacked, this is a very strange choice of words.
Because if I would put it in different words, you are saying that if I share my opinion on here then I should expect to be attacked and I should be ok with it? NO! So if I feel something doesn't sit well with me, I open my mouth to speak. Please do not censor me or judge me because of that - because yes, in that case I will get defensive.

Certainly, I understand that may have not been your intention. I was just pointing out how it sounded to me.

I think we are getting to a point where this thread has totally derailed from the original topic (sorry, growlithing), so I will certainly not add anything any more - except this:

It's not right to hurt someone's feelings by attacking their honest attempt to be supportive, the time they take to try to help etc. - and make them feel like they are not important or not as valid or that they "just don't understand". For me, a few things that have been said here hurt my feelings. (And for what? For spending some time getting invested in someone's life and their struggles to offer some support?)
So my way of dealing with it is to speak up. And I am not sorry for speaking up.

Helping you to realize that you are not so helpless seems to be the point of most people's responses to you.

... As for the rest of the thread, it's good to remember that the people who post on these boards are all in therapy. . . (laughs at my own joke...)

And just because this board is about psychotherapy, it doesn't mean that those of us who post here are supposed to have the understanding or therapeutic words of a trained therapist.

Anyway Growli, back to your original message. I was horribly jealous of the daughter of my favorite high school teacher. I wanted to switch places with her so badly!

My only solace is that now, about 20 years later, I try to be the mom that I wish that I'd had. And that feels really healing and wonderful.