Deal breakers?

If you really like your therapist and feel like s/he's the best one for you, as I do, is there something that could cause you to feel like you needed to find someone else?

My T encourages me to email as much and as often as I want and he responds to each one. This is critical for me. I do therapy because I have a helava time opening up to people and trusting them with my heart. I love that I can work as hard as I can to open up to him each week but I have that email safeguard where I can say what I couldn't in session or share intimate details in emails before tackling them in person. My emails are the best part of my therapy.

If he were to suddenly stop replying or ask me not to email I don't think I could continue. Are there any deal breakers for you? Maybe a higher rate, fewer sessions, or no intersession contact?

The more I asked of Madame T, the less she gave me. In the end, I ditched her.

Good question, this is my new t, today will be my 7th session, my old t will have been gone 7 weeks now, and I we could have worked through anything, but I think a deal breaker with this one would be several things, first, their are no emails , or texting options, just calling options, and she encourages those, and always answers me back.
1.If she starts pushing me to disclose past trauma at a pace where I am not comfortable and, after talking about it , she continues to do so.
2.Inconsistencies, Calling out too much, non emergency
I cant see this happening , but for now I dont know what else.

If she would call me honey or sweetie or some thing like this- that would be a deal breaker for me.
Or if she would scold me, shame me or judge me.

I had a counselor once whom I loved, loved, loved! Until he made a joke about Hitler and psychoanalysis - and suddenly my heart was broken in an instant, because I know that was the ultimate deal breaker for me. I left mid-session even without giving him the chance to apologize, because for me there was no apology.

I didn't understand your question about deal breakers because english is not my language and sometimes it's hard to understand all context.
But I wanted to say that it's really great that your therapist replies to your emails. Mine also told me write him everytime I need it but he never responds to my emails.
I agree that it's easier to tell something through email which you can't say in session,but it lose its sense when he never responds.

I just don't think in those terms, not in advance. I don't do that really in any of my relationships. I tend to take things as they come and deal with them individually and in context of surrounding circumstances because I prefer not to judge people before they've even done something to be upset about.

That doesn't mean someone won't ever do something so bad that it would cause me to entirely cut off a relationship. It has happened before but only in terms of my abusers, but it would take something nearly that serious before I'd say it was a deal breaker.

I think suddenly cutting back on a previously provided service is pretty offensive so yes that might be one. Apart from that discovering some horrible trait like racism or anything that would be a deal-breaker in a regular friendship would probably do the trick too. I admit I do have quite high expectations but I can't really see myself settling for less than I get, it wouldn't be worth the hassle if it didn't suit my needs.

Right now... I really can't think of anything that T could do that would be a deal breaker. Probably, if I felt like he was trying to take therapy in a direction that I wasn't on board with (I am thinking treatment wise) then, I may consider finding somebody else.

However, if I had to start all over again and start looking for a new T... Deal breakers for me would def. be if I wasn't allowed outside contact. I can call, text, or email if I need. I need that.

Deal breakers are things which you wouldn't accept and, if one of those things happens, you would discontinue the relationship (in the case of therapy, you would terminate) no matter what else is good in that relationship, because deal breakers are about things that are very important to you.

I guess asking me to bring my husband in was a deal breaker. I just couldn't do it and knew it would be a bad idea.

Like you, I really do like my therapist and know (hope) that she is the one for me. We've discussed what she could do as a deal breaker in my eyes (because I have a sort of 'shut off' switch and once it's been flipped; I generally commit to that flip).

I think it would really hurt me if she were to cut out emails or intersession contact but I think, also, that i'd be willing to push through that because I'd know she was doing it for a reason (I don't see that happening though; like yours she encourages it.)

My deal breaker would have to be in terms of emotions. If I ever felt like T was 'cold' - my instinct would be to retreat. Like, if she ever just made me feel like 'she couldn't be bothered with me' or especially if she called me a liar (big on my no-no list) I don't think I would be able to handle it or be able to trust her again even if I wanted to.

When the therapist had their own agenda and tried to make me dependent on them. Pdoc had suggested that a top up might be good with a therapist, considering that some OCD things had started to break through again. He recommended ten sessions. The therapist agreed when I first called. Then after the first session said that I needed to come every week for a few years. I didnt go back to that therapist and spoke to my pdoc about it. Pdoc was not happy with the suggestion of a few years, considering that most things were being handled well by me and that things were not severe. I didnt trust the therapist either and a lot of the talk in the first session was about her problems and how hard things were for her in her life.

Yep -- I ran far and ran fast

If my T was to try to push religion on me I wouldn't stay.

He's brought up a few times trying to get me to have more conversations with my mom to set boundaries and doesn't quite get that I have those boundaries where I want them. This last time was the first time he brought it up while I wasn't in a depression or hypomanic, so it's alright. But if he was to really push at that and not respect it, I wouldnt' stay very long.

I am in a good therapeutic relationship in which I have placed a lot of trust. There have been things which bothered me (some continue to bother me still) but I'm not leaving because of them. i can't think of many things, but here are a few probable deal breakers for me:

1. One of best, kindest, and the most useful my therapist has done for me from the beginning has been to really give me his time and care. Even outside sessions, such as, he's always told me I could call him on the phone if I need to talk (no charge) and he stayed with me over session time when necessary. To me, this was a big part of the trust in him that I've built during the years. I understand that he has more clients now, stays less over time than before, I'm okay with him not being able to do it whenever I feel like it, I know he doesn't have to accommodate me this way - however, if he started being unavailable to help me when needed outside of session, that would likely hurt my trust in him to the point of ending therapy.

2. My therapist and I hug sometimes, not every session but regularly enough. If he stopped hugging me at all (not just if he refused a few times), I believe I would have a very hard time opening up to him again. So that would be a deal breaker too. (But I would go to a therapist who just won't hug from the beginning until the end).

3. This doesn't really apply to my therapist because he's very ethical. I would not see a therapist who didn't respect my confidentiality. It doesn't matter how much that person might help me or how much I might like them. My confidentiality is non-negotiable.

4. Again, n/a in my therapist's case, but generally speaking. If I know that my therapist has less training and experience than I do, I would feel uncomfortable seeing them as my T. If it seems to me that my therapist has a very different idea about what therapy is from my own or if things they do or say are just plain wrong, that is also a deal breaker. I want a therapist who is learning continuously and who knows what they're doing.

I don't see there being any deal breaker. T isn't in the business of taking back what she gives.
That would be a toxic relationship.

Changing too much too quickly. That would throw me for a loop I couldn't handle.

And telling or getting angry at me. That would destroy my trust.

I am in this place

Well, not total stopping of intersession contact, but it's gone from being easy and welcome to a weird kind of stilted. And now I've not seen her for a week.

I don't honestly know yet if it's a deal breaker for me. I hope not, I don't want to throw the baby out with the bath water.

If the therapist started talking about religious beliefs of any sort, touched me, came after me (called me on her own just to check on me, interfered with my real life in any way), tried to tell me what to do or became patronizing. Or if her dog was at the appointment. That would be a big breaker-right up with religion or not staying back- for me.

With my current T, I think any changes she made to the way we do therapy would be talked about before it became a deal breaker where I just couldn't work with her anymore. So, I can't just say, "oh, if T did this, I'd quit." It's more of "if T did this, we'd have to talk about it and then I'd decide what to do."

A very mature response.
But if T said, "That's not negotiable"...?

If my t started gaslighting me in any way (consistently) then I'd have to leave. I'm sure I would try to "make it work" but if he refused to see my point of view at all, that would be it for me.

If t suddenly had no suggestions other than hospitalization m

Honestly, with my current T, I just can't see that happening. In the very off chance that it did, then I'd have to think about whether or not I could continue to work with her based off of whatever it is that has become non-negotiable. Knowing both myself and my T, there's a very good chance that if she made a change to my therapy that was non-negotiable, she would have a very good reason for it and I'd at least want to explore that reason.

1) Breaking my confidentiality - a no brainer
2) Trying to manipulate me - also a no brainer
3) Speaking to me in a patronizing fashion - (you may know things I don't but I know things too - don't underestimate your client)
4) Sitting there like a lump on a log saying nothing with no suggestions but taking my check - I'm outta there
5) Racist - forget it
6) Pushing religion and or politics
7) Yelling at me (I've excused this in the past but no more)
8) Repeating back what I say on a recurring basis - annoying & I can get a recorder for that if I want it
9) Repeatedly cancelling appointments without phoning (I don't think anyone would do that but if they did - bye - bye)