Email Dialogue... From April 2013.

1.) Me: "I think you avoid answering your phone these days and returning my phone calls. I know you'll never admit this."

"Therapist: It really didn't matter what time you called, I was with clients all afternoon and evening.

As you may recall I once assured you that you did not need to take care of me, that was my responsibility and I do take care of me.

And so it was Tuesday. Last client left around 8:30. I had not yet eaten and so I did that first. I then fielded messages and returned 2 that requested I reply as soon as possible. As I recall your message was something to the effect that you would like to touch base, if possible, and if it was not possible that was fine, and you were okay. I still had a number of things to take care of to finish off my work for that day, I had my kiddo assistance with a project he was undertaking, and I was tired and ready to call it quits for the day.

I took you at your word - if possible, you were okay, and not a problem if I did not get back to you. I did the same with the messages I had from other clients who indicated they did not need a reply - or did not need one that day.

It seems my actions offended you. I am sorry that you were offended.

I am also hearing that you are offended that I did not reply to your emails. My understanding was that you did not require replies, what you required was the opportunity to write and send them. I have answered as I am able. Again, I am sorry if you were offended. It was not my intention."

2.) Me: "I also think you avoid looking at my emails, so you don't have to respond to them."

Therapist: "I can only give you the facts. I can't make you believe them.

When I have time free I go do other things, which means I am not necessarily in the office when the phone rings. I check if there is a message. If there is, and the person requests a call-back, then I call back. If there is no message I do not know who has called.

As for your emails, I have not changed anything. I read them if I am online and have the time. I respond, again if I have the time and I think I have a response that would be helpful.

You said yesterday, that when Your kiddo engages in the same old behavior you experience it as a game he is playing with you. I know I could go to that same place with what is going on these last few days. Except: I know you are not playing a game. I know there is something far more profound going on. I know, in some way, you are looking for reassurance that you do have value and worth, that you are important to me. And, for some reason, right now, the more I offer that, the less able you are to accept it. I am trying to make sense of what is happening and somehow there's a piece of the puzzle missing."

3.) Me: "Unfortunately, it was my intention to offend you. I'm sorry. The issues were not about phone calls, and emails, merely smoke screens like the activity with Kiddo for a final frontier. I'm sorry that I've done this to you and our relationship. You have been nothing but wonderfully clever, and loving, to get me on a healing path. You put up with more than your fair share of bull-**** from me. I thank you for this."

Therapist: "And nothing has changed - not from my side.

I thank you. For the courage you've shown, the work you've been willing to do, the trust you've shown.

You have done nothing to me - at least nothing that I cannot handle, and nothing that is irreparable.

I am still here for you. I am going nowhere. If, and when, you feel ready, you are welcome to schedule another appointment.

You have value and you have worth, in my eyes. I feel badly that you are hurting."

4.) Me: "I love you. For me human relationships are so complicated."

GTGT

Therapist: "Humans are complicated. Period! That makes their relationships complicated - but not ultimately beyond understanding.

Love you too.

FM

For me and for others email and Phone Calls were/are tools to help us on our healing journey.

[lightcatcher]

Thanks for sharing GTGT!

[Asiablue]

very interesting, thanks for sharing that with us.

I love this paragraph

You said yesterday, that when Your kiddo engages in the same old behavior you experience it as a game he is playing with you. I know I could go to that same place with what is going on these last few days. Except: I know you are not playing a game. I know there is something far more profound going on. I know, in some way, you are looking for reassurance that you do have value and worth, that you are important to me. And, for some reason, right now, the more I offer that, the less able you are to accept it. I am trying to make sense of what is happening and somehow there's a piece of the puzzle missing."

IT really shows her inner workings... the cogs are turning and she's trying to see between the lines in what you're saying and work out what you need so she can give it to you. She's preventing herself from being reactive and trying to empathise instead.

You have a great therapist.

Thank you Asia.

I forgot to add I am no longer in therapy. We terminated 8 October 2013. These emails were from April 2013, after having been with her for 13 months.

[Asiablue]

oh ok. Sorry i didn't notice the date at the top. How come you stopped therapy with her? Was it just a natural end?

[Leah123]

Thank you for sharing this. I have found one of the most challenging and beneficial elements of my therapy is direct email exchanges on a variety of topics, including our relationship. I have also discussed how I feel when I do not hear back promptly, what I fear is happening at those times, and been rewarded with honest, reassuring, sometimes unexpected answers, if not always exactly what I hoped to hear. This is definitely part of having a harmonious therapeutic relationship, and my therapist considers it extremely important that I can discuss my feelings about our interaction directly and honestly.

Of course, I consider the relationship a real one, integrated into my life, not just a black box to put secrets or live in one hour a week, and that changes my perspective some. I see therapy as a relationship workshop in a sense, and a reparative relationship too, in my case to have a maternal figure to rely on and react sanely, as well as to do the other work I need to do.

I may have digressed a bit, but just wanted to thank you for a great post.

Originally Posted by Asiablue

oh ok. Sorry i didn't notice the date at the top. How come you stopped therapy with her? Was it just a natural end?

I put the date after you posted.

I had extremely extensive therapy and we finished are journey together in 18 months.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Ha! This made me laugh! I can identify so much

Thanks for this GTGT, it is nice to feel others have been through very similar feelings and thought processes.

[tametc]

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

For me and for others email and Phone Calls were/are tools to help us on our healing journey.

I appreciate you sharing this. I am so glad you had a great T to work with. I liked the back and forth dialogue. I can see how the emails helped.