[pmbm]

I've been seeing my therapist for 2.5 years and I have grown quite attached to her. However, our relationship has been tumultuous to say the least. She has really helped me with understanding the parts of me and with mindfulness. I have PTSD and DD-NOS as diagnoses. I started seeing her because my PTSD symptoms resurfaced in a big, bad way after getting triggered by a friend announcing that she saw her husband sexually abusing a child and she did nothing about it except to leave the house. So I started having really bad flashbacks and nightmares again and really needed help. At first, my therapist was really helpful and was available between sessions by texting. Although we worked alot on the trauma that was triggered, my flashbacks, nightmares, and dissociation did not really improve. After a few months, she said that my texts were not crisis related and that I could not text her anymore. I had only been texting her when the flashbacks were so bad that I felt like I couldn't stand it anymore. I stopped working during this time because I could not do my job in the state I was in. My therapist told me that flashbacks are not crises and that only potential self harm was a crisis. So I stopped texting her.....but I would text her every few months when I couldn't function anymore....I did that like once every three or four months...sometimes I would get a helpful response and sometimes this would start a rupture where she would actually yell at me on the phone. I would try to talk to her about it and she would tell me I needed to use my skills and that she was angry and of course people yell when they are angry. Then my therapist was also doiing a lot of traveling so I would miss one or two sessions every couple of months. These ruptures typically happened around the holidays or when therapist was going away or had been away. I would tell one of my friends, and she would tell me to find another therapist. When I told her about this one time, she actually recommended a therapist who attends the church my friend and I do. I started seeing therapist 2 when original t was on vacation for three weeks in a row and I knew I needed some extra support. #2 does not do trauma work, but is very supportive and has always been available for texting. #1 and I had a huge rupture recently where I got really cranky because I did not want to do part work, then I tried to bring up something else and while I was talking, she announced she didn't agree with what I was saying before I was done. I stopped talking. #1 announced that she was feeling immobilized and baffled and became noncommunicative, and then when the session was over, she refused to hug me saying it would not be authentic (she hugs me at the end of every session), then when I got upset about the hug, she chastised me and told me that I am a grown woman and that I can live without a hug. I started crying at that point, really wailing, she walked out of her office, told me to compose myself. I tried, but some little kid part of me was really triggered, and I could not stop this loud wailing. She came back and made me leave and I had to walk through the waiting room in this state. I tried to make an extra appointment later in the week to talk about what happened, but she called me back and told me I would just have to wait. #2 therapist told me #1 was actually being emotionally abusive. I terminated by email, found a new trauma therapist recommended by #2, but#1 offered the opportunity to process that last session so I went back....and instead of processing the session, she told me I didn't have enough skills to do trauma therapy and wouldn't even talk to me about the last session. I went to see new trauma t and she told me that the first thing we would need to do would be to process what happened with t #1. I am actually afraid of therapy at this time..I am afraid to trust the new one...I feel betrayed by #1.

[msxyz]

I didn't want to read and not reply, but I am at a loss for words, the way your therapist behaved was just awful and I agree, abusive. I can't believe people like that are allowed to practice. I am so sorry this happened to you.

[CantExplain]

((PMBM))

Good luck with T#2!

[OneWorld]

That sounds really really hard. Kudos to you for removing yourself from that situation!

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[HazelGirl]

That is absolutely terrible! I am so sorry! I can't believe that someone would think it's okay to treat another person like that!

[scorpiosis37]

That sounds like a really upsetting situation. I'm glad that you now have a T #2 and a new trauma T. I really hope they will be able to help you in a supportive and compassionate environment.

Has your friend's husband who sexually abused the child been reported? I hope that you reported him, or that your T reported him (as she is a mandated reporter). He needs to be behind bars and the abused child (and any other victims) need to be protected.

[pmbm]

The man has been reported. The child was actually a foreign exchange student living in his house. The exchange student has now gone home. The man is not behind bars and my friend is still living with him. I am at a point in my last ice right now where I have become afraid of getting close to people because I feel like I am not a very good judge of safe people these days....my friend, her husband, the therapist....

Pmbm
I am so sorry this happened. Your t was extremely abusive and what she did was shame you, that is not therapy it's abuse, telling you to compose yourself and that you were a grown woman- yes that's true but you were upset and rightly so, the woman you trusted was not safe and triggered all sorts of emotions.
She said you don't have enough skills? That's her fault, you wrere paying her to provide you with skills and support and she provided neither!
She might not think flashbacks are a crisis, has she ever experienced them? They are horrible and can actually bring you and your body right back to that time of your flash back- horrific! She is lucky you didn't report her as this alone is grounds enough to report her. It sounds as though she is having a burnout and needs a long vacation. Again I am sorry, maybe with your new t you can work on trusting and learning to trust safe people.

When people you trust turn out to be not safe it makes us scared and confused and then in turn we don't trust our own instincts. I hope you get a sense of safety soon and don't isolate yourself because of this.

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i am so sorry for what youve been through.