Mother's Day.

i also think it is okay to send a card that just says "happy mother's day" as opposed to one listing what a great mom she is, so you can wish her well but still be authentic. i do find it helpful not to completely cut things off but maintain some connection. i have a hard time with holidays & family get togethers as they were kind of shoved down my throat my whole life. i am currently taking a hiatus from them and i know my mom hates it, but i sort of woke up and realized one day that at my age i need to be real and do what i want and say no to my mom. so, now i say so no to her requests more.

just wanted to add that i think it is like going through the terrible twos and finally saying "no!" because some of us weren't allowed to do that as kids. our "no" was not accepted.

Has anyone ever given their Therapist a Mother's Day card (if they know they have children)?

This was literally an entire session of mine for Mother's Day last year... The conflict is super painful. It would cause problems if I did not acknowledge my mom on Mother's Day, but I have nothing to acknowledge her for. (maybe all of the heartache and psychological issues she has caused me?)
She has been a large topic in therapy since the beginning. The most painful part for me is standing in a store FILLED with cards for Mother's Day and taking an hour to find ONE. It's just a hurtful reminder of our non-existent relationship, and that these cards actually reflect the fortunate relationships many people have with their mother's...Then I become envious.

It's draining....I completely understand.

It is very painful HopelesslyHopeful. I haven't stopped crying all day. Cos i don't know how to fix any of it. And yes seeing all these beautiful cards with lovely sentiments about mothers makes me see how much i've lost. But at the same time i'm glad that kind of love and that kind of relationship exists for some people.
Even tho i hurts a lot to hear about great mother daughter relationships, i do still like to hear about it, not sure why.

No, i haven't done that. My T would analyse the crap out of it lol it's not something i feel compelled to do tho.

I have a very hard time with Mother's day. I had an awesome relationship with my mom but she died 13 years ago. She was only 53 at the time. Her birthday was also the same week as Mother's Day. T and I always process this a couple weeks before knowing that I will get really down. What also makes it hard is that hubby and my kids are wonderful for Mother's Day so I have to pretend to enjoy the day.

Yeah if she's going to do that than you probably shouldn't get her anything.

I don't think I will be getting my Therapist a Mother's Day card but I may get her a card for her birthday in August (haven't decided yet although it is a milestone birthday for her so I sort of want to at least for this year).

I sort of know how you feel, my mother is still alive but I'm not on real good terms with her, so in many ways I sort of see the day long music festival as a nice distraction from it.

Wow, she died young. I'm so sorry nottrustin. Do you do anything on Mother's Day that could be healing for you? Like lighting a candle for her, planting a tree or rose bush etc. Maybe it would help you get thru the day a bit?

I've talked lots about my mom in therapy, done lots and lots of work re: the "mother stuff" it was something we'd work on for awhile, then I'd need to move away from it for awhile, wash-rinse-repeat until only very very recently I did another chunk of work in this area and have finally been able to release a lot of pain I'd been holding in my heart for 30+ years and have been able to actually forgive her. Not for her, I'm not that altruistic, but for me, in my quest for wholeness. I was able to invite her to come visit in early May to see my son (her only grandson) perform in a school concert. Her upcoming visit will be the ultimate test of this forgiveness I feel that I have arrived at - we will see. I do not stay at her house when I go back to visit family. So having her stay at mine will be weird. We will see how it goes and I know I will be able to reach out to T if I need to.

It took me 2.5 years of off and on work with T on this mother-stuff. It's hard and painful work and I wish you all the best in your going through it.

That's cool. I wish I knew when my T's birthday is and how old she is. I know her approximate age but that is all. I expect she would tell me if I asked, but I haven't asked.

My Therapist told me at our first session that she was older than me but didn't say her exact age, although later on (it may have been at the very next session) she realized that I was still curious as to what her age was so she told me the exact number.

yeah mine told me too that she was older than me, but that was all I knew until a year in when I got my current job working with medicare members 65+ and she said "I'm not quite there yet, but getting close." So my guess is she's in her early 60's (I'll be 52 too soon for my comfort lol)

Just since reconnecting, I've sent my T a Father's Day card. But a part of that is tied up with the loss of his son. The first year I sent him a note, rather than a card because it was so soon after the loss. I'm sad for them because this year, the anniversary falls on Mother's Day; that's got to be difficult.

yeah, it's a big part of my work just now, it dominates most sessions. It's funny, when i started therapy, i didn't think i was angry with her or even as sad as i am and now all i do is vacillate between anger and sadness. Didn't think i could cry so much lol

I hate mother's day even more after therapy. I don't have a great relationship with my mother, but we still have a relationship. She's just demanding and judgemental, and blames me for many things that are wrong in her life. It took me several years with a therapist to come to terms that she was only supportive when I was doing something that she approved of or looked good, and that wasn't healthy. So I keep my mom at arm's length.

My mother makes the biggest deal about mother's day. Most mothers get excited when they get a card from their grown children, or if they showed up to take them out to dinner. Not my mom. She demands that she is treated like royalty all day. So mother's day for me is usually coming over and waiting hand and foot on her. I feel like if I don't do the mother's day thing, I'll destroy what little relationship I have left with my mother (we only talk a handful of times a year now), and I'm not ready to do that. But since I've really limited my contact, one full day with her really opens up all the wounds I've worked so hard to close.

I'm starting with a new T on Tuesday. I really hope it works out, because after Mother's Day is one of my lowest times.

I know exactly how you feel cat_scratch- I feel the same way with my mother.