[peaches100]

I've been pondering on the subject of t support. How much support is "too little?" How much support is "too much?" I know that individuals vary, so their need for t support will also vary. But what is the solution when the t and patient can't agree on what amount of t support is necessary? What if the t believes that less support is preferable so that the client will rely more on their own coping skills and strengths? But the patient experiences times when, even though they use their coping skills as much as possible, they still need more support from their t than the t is willing to give? The patient then feels abandoned during a time of need. What if being abandoned in a time of need (in childhood) is what created their issues in the first place?

So a cycle happens in therapy. . . the patient moves forward and makes progress for a period of time. But eventually, they reach a point where they feel in crisis and need more from t, but t doesn't provide it. Then the patient feels very hurt and abandoned.

What if t and patient talk it over, resolve it, but later, the same things keeps happening again and again? Patient needs more than t can offer? It makes the patient afraid to get into the deeper therapy work because they don't feel confident that t will be there if needed in a greater capabity. On the other hand, t feels that the patient should have enough skills not to need this extra support.

This is where t and I am now. . .

PS - When I say "extra support," I am referring mainly to times when the patient has experienced something triggering or painful to such a degree that their coping skills are not enough. So they call or email t. But t says she is too busy, and can't address the situaiton for a couple of days.

[Leah123]

Well, I am sorry to hear you're struggling with this. I don't know how attached you are to your therapist, or how well you think she helps you otherwise, but if the answer is not too long and not too much, I'd consider a new therapist. There are plenty of therapists willing to have contact between sessions and offer some support, just a matter of finding the right one.

If you do find her helpful in other ways though, one thought would be to try DBT with her or on your own, it's for emotional regulation, which can help a lot with feelings of distress arising from upsetting sessions and other stressors too. I've had some success with it as I also find therapy to increase my trigger response as I stir up old memories and of course, find the process and topics extremely painful at times.

Another option might be to ask her to record a voicemail message or write you a letter you can refer to for comfort and to help you cope in between times if you really want to continue with her but she doesn't have the availability you want between sessions.

[rainbow8]

Can you tell your T what you posted here? I think the problem is that, by support, you mean that you want an immediate email or phone call from her.
Most Ts won't do that. If it's urgent, they would want you to schedule another session. I think that each time you say you've resolved the issue with your T, you really haven't. You will still email her, and will still get hurt if she doesn't respond as quickly as you want her to. Can you and she work out a definite arrangement regarding emailing, or phone calls? Maybe phone calls would be better than emailing . You said that she said emailing isn't so good for you because then you don't TELL her in person what is wrong.

I understand your needs and your frustration, Peaches. I wish there were a really good solution, but I can't think of one.

Maybe you have to sit with the feelings of being abandoned and hurt until you get to your session, and then work through those feelings with your T instead of in an email? I know you're working on the DBT skills, but this sounds like something you need to resove with your T. I'm sorry you're still struggling with this.

[blur]

What if t and patient talk it over, resolve it, but later, the same things keeps happening again and again?

it doesn't sound like it's been resolved if it keeps happening.

[Petra5ed]

It seems like T's intentionally give too little support in order for clients to be challenged and also so they don't make clients feel dependent on them to solve their problems, if you do become dependent it can be really hard to break the habit. T's usually decide how much and how little contact is ok, since it's their personal boundary to set. You should definitely discuss it though!

About doing the deeper work, I hope you reach a point where you want to take the risk and trust your T to press on. Like anything in life there's odds your T might burn you after you open up, I like to think those odds are low. In reality it's moving on where things can get better, your T will actually probably be more engaged in my experience.

[peaches100]

Thank you, everybody, for pitching in with your thoughts. I saw my t yesterday, and we are working on this. It went well.

[HazelGirl]

This is a hard situation, and I don't know the answer. But I can understand why it would be so difficult.